(no subject)
There is so much ugliness in the world. So much hatred and so much anxiety, and yet I find myself drawn to the very things that hurt.
I spent all evening among a few others reading crimelibrary.com. It sends me into a frightened mess. So many innocent lives lost and here I am soaking it all in, I don’t know why I read this stuff. Or why we watch horror movies for that matter, or even in anger say the now-trivial but oh so cruel words “I hope you die”.
All these things (while not done at the same time) still lead to the feeling of impurity. As my grandmother used to say, garbage in garbage out. I can only imagine how much garbage I’ve put into myself via the mediums of sight and sound. And I wonder why I have nightmares.
Putting on an mp3 playlist the begining heart-like beat of Jeff Buckley’s “Everybody here wants you” made me(due to the unexpected difference in volume from work) jump. But ironically enough it was the first on my list, and is actually consoling.
To make up for all of the nastiness I absorbed tonight I want to find something to read that is happy and light. I don’t even know where to look.
I wish I wasn’t so angry about everything. I wish I knew my love was genuine. I wish I could stop factoring anyone aside myself to blame for anything ever.
I spent all evening among a few others reading crimelibrary.com. It sends me into a frightened mess. So many innocent lives lost and here I am soaking it all in, I don’t know why I read this stuff. Or why we watch horror movies for that matter, or even in anger say the now-trivial but oh so cruel words “I hope you die”.
All these things (while not done at the same time) still lead to the feeling of impurity. As my grandmother used to say, garbage in garbage out. I can only imagine how much garbage I’ve put into myself via the mediums of sight and sound. And I wonder why I have nightmares.
Putting on an mp3 playlist the begining heart-like beat of Jeff Buckley’s “Everybody here wants you” made me(due to the unexpected difference in volume from work) jump. But ironically enough it was the first on my list, and is actually consoling.
To make up for all of the nastiness I absorbed tonight I want to find something to read that is happy and light. I don’t even know where to look.
I wish I wasn’t so angry about everything. I wish I knew my love was genuine. I wish I could stop factoring anyone aside myself to blame for anything ever.