All that is transient
Beijing is a city of lost souls, adrift in an open sea. Circumstances are constantly changing; there's a feeling of transience everywhere. Maybe it's just where I am and the people I meet. This is definitely not from the local perspective because my dealings with the locals have been very limited. I guess I should have expected that, knowing that BLCU is a foreign language uni and that most of the people here would be foreigners. Like London, people are drawn to congregate in the “big city” in search of better opportunities. As in such cities, they don't quite know what they want or what they're searching for. The winds of change are felt really strongly here. People come and go, never staying long; this is merely a rest stop, whether it's a couple of months or a year. The city itself is changing so fast.
The feeling of transience which I've felt ever since I got here has been intensifying. Perhaps it's because the end of the course is drawing closer, and try as I might, I know that I will never be able to capture this place and this time again. Sure, I could opt to stay yet another term, but the moment can never be successfully relived because the people would have changed even if the place hasn't changed, and really, it's the people that make it what it is. I'm realizing how important human relationships are, and how precious each connection made is. Yet I cannot happily drift along with the current without stopping to think because of my need to analyse every single thing that happens. Still, I feel that I've matured immensely over the last few months and there really is an air of finality to everything. My gap year (though it has not been my idea of an ideal time-out) goal has been fulfilled. I've thrown myself and immersed myself in a totally different environment, and grown from it. That was what my gap year was supposed to be about.
With transience comes flexibility. Or really, I guess I should say, flexibility is paramount when faced with such transience. I'm now secure in the knowledge that no matter where in the world I end up, where I'm thrown to, I will be able to adapt. Language isn't really a problem in getting around, as I've discovered. Just get a decent guidebook and figure it out from there with the help of the internet. Previously, it's has always been the case that I've been worried about the language barrier. Not anymore.
I know that my life, in whatever country will always be busy simply because I can't stand to “waste time”. Striking a balance between work, play and time-out has always been the most challenging thing for me. In fact, it still is. More often than not, I get too carried away with the first two that I neglect the last, and then it hits me and I overdo the last bit at the expense of the first two. I gravitate towards contributing somehow. Or having stuff to do in my “free time” (non-work time). More often than not, because I don't like doing things half-assed, I end up taking on a lot more than I should. Eg. committee work, volunteer work etc. Even over here in Beijing, even over the short duration that I'm here for, I've found things to keep me occupied over non-work times. Admittedly, it's taken me a while to find them, but I've found them nonetheless and am at my happiest now. Days filled with climbing, photography, volunteer work with an environmental NGO and exploring. And friends. I'm happiest when I'm occupied, and also most efficient then. Workaholic gene at work? Hahah. A mutation of the workaholic gene to.. extra-curricularholic.
It's interesting because I suppose that on a certain level, I knew why I ended up here but never really realized it till now. I knew (came to that conclusion last year while debating whether I should take time out) why I wanted my gap year very clearly, yet it never clicked properly until now. It's like I'm being driven by an inner voice that sees the big picture, understands and tells me what to do. It only clicks much later on. eg. DofE award. I knew I had to do it; it wasn't really clear why (so listen to intuition?) so I did it and when I completed it, I understood why. Does that mean that I should listen to my intuition more?
The feeling of transience which I've felt ever since I got here has been intensifying. Perhaps it's because the end of the course is drawing closer, and try as I might, I know that I will never be able to capture this place and this time again. Sure, I could opt to stay yet another term, but the moment can never be successfully relived because the people would have changed even if the place hasn't changed, and really, it's the people that make it what it is. I'm realizing how important human relationships are, and how precious each connection made is. Yet I cannot happily drift along with the current without stopping to think because of my need to analyse every single thing that happens. Still, I feel that I've matured immensely over the last few months and there really is an air of finality to everything. My gap year (though it has not been my idea of an ideal time-out) goal has been fulfilled. I've thrown myself and immersed myself in a totally different environment, and grown from it. That was what my gap year was supposed to be about.
With transience comes flexibility. Or really, I guess I should say, flexibility is paramount when faced with such transience. I'm now secure in the knowledge that no matter where in the world I end up, where I'm thrown to, I will be able to adapt. Language isn't really a problem in getting around, as I've discovered. Just get a decent guidebook and figure it out from there with the help of the internet. Previously, it's has always been the case that I've been worried about the language barrier. Not anymore.
I know that my life, in whatever country will always be busy simply because I can't stand to “waste time”. Striking a balance between work, play and time-out has always been the most challenging thing for me. In fact, it still is. More often than not, I get too carried away with the first two that I neglect the last, and then it hits me and I overdo the last bit at the expense of the first two. I gravitate towards contributing somehow. Or having stuff to do in my “free time” (non-work time). More often than not, because I don't like doing things half-assed, I end up taking on a lot more than I should. Eg. committee work, volunteer work etc. Even over here in Beijing, even over the short duration that I'm here for, I've found things to keep me occupied over non-work times. Admittedly, it's taken me a while to find them, but I've found them nonetheless and am at my happiest now. Days filled with climbing, photography, volunteer work with an environmental NGO and exploring. And friends. I'm happiest when I'm occupied, and also most efficient then. Workaholic gene at work? Hahah. A mutation of the workaholic gene to.. extra-curricularholic.
It's interesting because I suppose that on a certain level, I knew why I ended up here but never really realized it till now. I knew (came to that conclusion last year while debating whether I should take time out) why I wanted my gap year very clearly, yet it never clicked properly until now. It's like I'm being driven by an inner voice that sees the big picture, understands and tells me what to do. It only clicks much later on. eg. DofE award. I knew I had to do it; it wasn't really clear why (so listen to intuition?) so I did it and when I completed it, I understood why. Does that mean that I should listen to my intuition more?