catch me catch me
I will be bitching and complaining until approxomitely July. About everything and anyone (although I have a few choice basics to start the bitching off nice and bitchy..) Following that hopefully I can get over this whole staying at home thing and working like a normal person. I know the difference, between what I should be doing and what I am doing, between who I want to be, and who I can't be, between what I can do and what I can't do and between what I should be feeling and what I'm not feeling. I know the difference. I know I can change things and the horribleness I'm feeling but I'm suffiencitely realisitic these days, and being so I make proper choices. That make me the most bored and unhappy person in Sydney River. Nonetheless, if I feel this way, I believe my boyfriend should, and he doesn't. Because he's busy and so many other things are so much more important then me. Because "we have to be smart." My advice to anyone and ironically, the advice I can't take myself, is not to be smart, but to be foolish and be happy and to chase the things you need to and to do the things that make you smile and keep you so so alive, because right now I'm not. The sun isn't putting a smile on my face and it's not giving me hope for a brighter spring and summer, it's just reminding me of being here and the mundane days I'm going to have to face being lifeless and the putting on of face voices and emotion every time I step inside that god damn mall. Why do I do this to myself? I know the difference..