you lost what you could never find
Now that Im here I feel like I am dying.
Only it's a different sort of death.
My only devil is the fear.
I've been having nightmares again which I did not expect.
I have found that I don't like the unexpected lately.
I have got to somehow keep in mind that rigidy spells defeat.
I feel like I should be ecstaticly happy ... but all I feel is tragic love, dulled senses, exhaustion, emotional pain and longing from losing what was mine and the sense that I am unsafe.
My moods are bouncing around like a ball at the end of a tennis racket.
I feel like giving up but what for?
Even that takes some amount of energy.
I hate myself for feeling so down.
I am out of that house, Adam is here with me, so is Magic...
so why...
do I miss .. y o u.
why am i hiding?
whats the point if i cant even be honest with myself?
I have got to do something about this and soon.
Last June started off like this and I am terrified..
and questioning and placing judgements..
my own enemy has got me by the neck again
and I am gasping
Only it's a different sort of death.
My only devil is the fear.
I've been having nightmares again which I did not expect.
I have found that I don't like the unexpected lately.
I have got to somehow keep in mind that rigidy spells defeat.
I feel like I should be ecstaticly happy ... but all I feel is tragic love, dulled senses, exhaustion, emotional pain and longing from losing what was mine and the sense that I am unsafe.
My moods are bouncing around like a ball at the end of a tennis racket.
I feel like giving up but what for?
Even that takes some amount of energy.
I hate myself for feeling so down.
I am out of that house, Adam is here with me, so is Magic...
so why...
do I miss .. y o u.
why am i hiding?
whats the point if i cant even be honest with myself?
I have got to do something about this and soon.
Last June started off like this and I am terrified..
and questioning and placing judgements..
my own enemy has got me by the neck again
and I am gasping