Been thinking...
I'm discovering alot out about the people I once asociated with in town here. They were never my real friends. Come to think of it, except for one person, saver the people who have become my best friends through long-term relationship (2), no one from Michigan city has ever attained the title real friend to me. Too many variables in this. Most of them were just temporary illusions that used me to buff their social meter. I never made potential real friends until I got into the Valpo scene. And even still, it really turned out to be a few. A few people that I'm happy I got to meet.
Maybe I have socializing issues... or maybe I see the big picture of falsehood that not alot of people get to see in the magority of people. I mean think about this... how many numbers can one person handle fully on the level it needs to be kept on? The more friends in numbers, the more possibilites where things go wrong and this annoying thing called drama occurs. How many people, can one person's unique chemistry bind with for a long period of time. People, although social animals to a degree, have to admit everyone of these labled friends around them isn't a perfect trusting fit. I know I'm presenting a poor arguement and I'll go through this entry again in the morning.
I've discovered that I don't want to waist my efforts meeting and asociating with the ordinary folk. I actually have a small social desire in life now. To seek out extraordinary people by my own definition... which is too long.. *Chuckles.* By extraordinary, I don't mean those have have any special history of accomplishing this or that... who have titles and are branded with importance. Those types of people never end up being the sincere gentle folk I'm looking for anyways.
But there is no colder, insecure, frightening, consuming feeling then really being alone. Even the thought of not being able to ever connect with another person in this world is terrifying. I've forced myself to learn to take comfort in this solitude... but it hurts. And I've lived through it too long.
Maybe I have socializing issues... or maybe I see the big picture of falsehood that not alot of people get to see in the magority of people. I mean think about this... how many numbers can one person handle fully on the level it needs to be kept on? The more friends in numbers, the more possibilites where things go wrong and this annoying thing called drama occurs. How many people, can one person's unique chemistry bind with for a long period of time. People, although social animals to a degree, have to admit everyone of these labled friends around them isn't a perfect trusting fit. I know I'm presenting a poor arguement and I'll go through this entry again in the morning.
I've discovered that I don't want to waist my efforts meeting and asociating with the ordinary folk. I actually have a small social desire in life now. To seek out extraordinary people by my own definition... which is too long.. *Chuckles.* By extraordinary, I don't mean those have have any special history of accomplishing this or that... who have titles and are branded with importance. Those types of people never end up being the sincere gentle folk I'm looking for anyways.
But there is no colder, insecure, frightening, consuming feeling then really being alone. Even the thought of not being able to ever connect with another person in this world is terrifying. I've forced myself to learn to take comfort in this solitude... but it hurts. And I've lived through it too long.