(no subject)
So, as some of you may know, Derek is single again. And, as most of you knew, I was completely over him. Completely over him. Well, boys and girls, I'm not so sure about that anymore. I think, when he was going out with Lara, that I convinced myself that I no longer was infatuated by him because I knew that I could not have him and it was no use trying anymore. Now that he is single again, I can't seem to convince myself that I truely am over him anymore. To clarify just a little more, I think I have fallen for Mr. D once more. And this, boys and girls, is a very, very bad situation.We all know what happened last time, and I don't want another drama like that in my life right now. I realize now, that when you love somone for the first time, part of your heart always belongs to them, and you can never get it back. I also realize now, more than ever, that if he were to show any trace of liking me like he used to, I would let myself go and fall for him once again. It's not that I don't have any self control, believe me, I do. It's also not that I don't care about getting hurt or anything like that, it's that I can't help but love him. He could do almost anything and I would be mad or hurt, but still, I would have that little bit of nieveness in me that says, "He is really a good person, maybe one more chance." It is the same for a lot of other first love's. He was mine and always will be, and I haven't yet figured out how to let him go and probably never will. I told you all of this because I have one favor to ask of you. Please don't try to control me or anything, but if you see me heading in a direction that could end up with me crying my eyes out like I have done for him in the past, then tell me. Because I may be too caught up in thinking that he is amazing to see where I might be headed. Don't try to live my life for me, but just keep an eye on me, keep me from getting hurt too badly. I would really appreciate it. Ugh. I am really not in the mood for love right now... Oh well, Can't control who you love... "You can't always control the wind, but you can control your sails" Hmm...
Emily, I am addicted to those cd's you burned for me. Thanks so much sweety.
A quote that I read really got to me today. "Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it." That is how I want to live my life. Those are the words I have been searching for to describe what I wanted for so long. That is my perfection.
"With my feet on the dash,
the world doesn't matter..."