woah

[cryinginside]

I cant even believe its been 2 years since ive posted in this journal. To be quite honest, i had completely forgotten about it. But now, since i find myself basically without friends, i turn to you live journal. ive tried blogging, and face book, and twitter, i just am tired of it all. no place do i feel comfortable enough to just spew out what ever i want to. ive realized ive hidden myself away. why? i dont know. i have to live a certain way to get along everyday. and that way is not who i am. i wear a mask everyday to conceal my true self. i have no one to blame but myself. I have never been out and proud, but i was always pretty comfortable with me, and i could deal with that. but i think peoples hatred for others, their manipulation, twisting everything has just worn out my resolve and trust in others. im just so tired. i recently(3 months ago) stopped taking the anti-depressant i had been on since 2007. Maybe this is stemming from that. i noticed that everything (everything!) is different now that im off of the med. i actually had a buzz when i drank the other day, my brain has been more scattered and ive had to re-adjust to that. im back to the socially backwards person that i was before meds. /i had a physical the other day for my new job, and the dr told me that depresion meds may never work for me again, which im actually ok with. I need to deal with my emotions and let them go.
oh, yeah. i went to school and now im a lpn. and im in school to get my rn degree. and i work. thats my life.