Fucking Bullshit Life is
Me and connor broke up. He told me that he wasn't going to be able to see me till August so he thought it'd be better if we weren't going out. I said that he was right. I told him though that it really hurt me that he just tottaly fucking ignored me on the walk and didn't say fucking jack shit to me. He should have tlaked to me abouit it then and told me how he fuck felt THEN. I FUCKING HATE IT. I fucking hate it. I cared about him sooo much and now he is gone. We arn't togther anymore, I'm not going to see him. it's OVER. No matter what, weather I fucking like it or not I HAVE to deal with it. I CAN'T fucking do shit about it. It makes me so fucking sad. I fucking hate this, this feeling and knowledge that it's over. I dont understand it either, WHY the hell did he just ignore me on the walk? He should have fucking talked to me then about what he thought insted of making me feel like shit. I feel so hurt right now. I feel.....helpless because I can't do anything about what just happened. I have to deal with it. I never fucking wanted this to happen. At all. I wish things could go back to how there were when me and him were going out...but i CAN'T. That's what I hate the most. That IT IS FUCKING GONE. And NOTHING can fucking be done. Realtinships are fucking shit. I'm so fucking sad right now I can't stand it. I hate it. I have never fucking felt like this before. I know I will get over Connor, it will take time but I will. I'm not going to let someone else control my fucking feelings and emotions this much. I have always told myself that and I will always keep telling myself that. I'm not mad at him, I'm just hurt. I'm fucking hurt that he couldn't tell me on the walk. I'm more just fucking upset and extremly sad by the fact that...this has happened and I HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE NOTHING CAN BE DONE.
I didnt get toupdate about the weekend but friday was good. I went to the movies and into bosotn w/ Clair and met up w/ Emmily and Emmy. It was good. BAGLY was fucking awsome, i had a fucking great time w/ Alyssa Ezra Gabby and Mike. Then Sunday the walk was shit because of how connor and caroline TOTTALY ignored us all. Caroline aplogized and felt really bad. I mean read her lj. I forgive her. I forgive connor, stayign angry dosn't do shit. MSI was fucking amazing. I went w/ Steph G and we met up w/ Emma and her freiends and Veronika. I got to kiss jimmy. I got to hug jimmy. I got his autograph. I danced the whole time. Was a fucking amaszing show. They are so good live. Then at the rally on monday I went with Katie and met up w/ Emma Fogg and her UU friends. THere were like 10 neo nazi's there rallying against us. They were fucking rediculous. The rally was good I am super fucking happy though that gay marriage is NOW finnaly legal in Mass. wooot!
I need to go. I need to call people. I need to talk to friends because I can't stand this. I cared about him so much and now it's just fucking gone. its fucking gone. What the fuck is the point of life? all it is filled with is dissapointments and happiness. NO MATTER WHAT! Even if you are extremly fucking happy, It is going to come to and end. Nothing good last. Nothing bad last. Life just goes on and on and on. I don't fucking see the point. At all. Are the dissapointments really worth the happiness in the end? I think they are. The one good thing about this is that I'm not as hurt as I thought I was going to be. I guess thats because we slowly drifted apart of time insted of just breaking up.
I didnt get toupdate about the weekend but friday was good. I went to the movies and into bosotn w/ Clair and met up w/ Emmily and Emmy. It was good. BAGLY was fucking awsome, i had a fucking great time w/ Alyssa Ezra Gabby and Mike. Then Sunday the walk was shit because of how connor and caroline TOTTALY ignored us all. Caroline aplogized and felt really bad. I mean read her lj. I forgive her. I forgive connor, stayign angry dosn't do shit. MSI was fucking amazing. I went w/ Steph G and we met up w/ Emma and her freiends and Veronika. I got to kiss jimmy. I got to hug jimmy. I got his autograph. I danced the whole time. Was a fucking amaszing show. They are so good live. Then at the rally on monday I went with Katie and met up w/ Emma Fogg and her UU friends. THere were like 10 neo nazi's there rallying against us. They were fucking rediculous. The rally was good I am super fucking happy though that gay marriage is NOW finnaly legal in Mass. wooot!
I need to go. I need to call people. I need to talk to friends because I can't stand this. I cared about him so much and now it's just fucking gone. its fucking gone. What the fuck is the point of life? all it is filled with is dissapointments and happiness. NO MATTER WHAT! Even if you are extremly fucking happy, It is going to come to and end. Nothing good last. Nothing bad last. Life just goes on and on and on. I don't fucking see the point. At all. Are the dissapointments really worth the happiness in the end? I think they are. The one good thing about this is that I'm not as hurt as I thought I was going to be. I guess thats because we slowly drifted apart of time insted of just breaking up.