I keep posting and deleting.
I keep writing things and then deleting them because I don't really want to put them out there. It makes posting to a blog incredibly frustrating. Really, I just save most stuff for my therapist and I try not to unload things on my friends too much.
Which just leaves the random stuff. I went on Trevor's field trip to Inner Quest yesterday and it was a blast. We all went ziplining (even the grownups got to do it!). I am scared of heights and have never ziplined before. I'm not much of a risk taker. But it was AWESOME. I thought I was going to pass out on the climb up to the platform because I'm strapped in, but just holding on to a cable and balancing on another cable. I got pretty high and was like "Omg, Devon, don't look down or you'll pass out". And I made it! And ziplining was a blast. I must say- right now I am , much of the time, either angry and sad... or feeling okay. Not happy, not excited, not anything... just not angry or sad. When I ziplined it was SO FREAKIN wonderful to feel something other than angry or sad. I WAS happy and excited when I finished it. It didn't last forever and I had a bit of a low when the adrenaline wore off but yay for feeling a positive emotion. That's supposed to come along at some point, right? I haven't felt like that since we were in SF and Ray dragged a depressed me out of the hotel room to go to the hotel next door's club. I sucked down three Stoli Vanilla and diet cokes in like 20 minutes and got drunk and happy and danced. The next time I went into a club (with Sharon and Ray this past weekend), I was not drunk and I felt a panic attack coming on and had to leave and felt lame and stupid and cried. *sigh* I miss my happy, dorky self and am so wanting it back but I can't seem to get it. It's not fair. Time, right? Time heals all wounds and I'll feel better, right?
Anyway.. Trevor and I had a fun time on the field trip and I love going on the kids' field trips. My mom said she's not coming up this weekend like she planned. I'm not sure how I feel about that except it leaves me some free time. Ray has a dinner meeting tonight and Rachael has soccer this evening, then Ariel has Brownies and I am volunteering at the Brownie meeting because The coleader is out of town for personal reasons and I am watching her daughter after school today and tomorrow so I figured I would stay at the meeting, too.
Anyway... I best get to tidying this huge house up. I have yoga today and I am bound an determined to make it. My feet have been bothering me to the extent that I can't run anymore and I am hoping doing other workouts- especially things that stretch your body like yoga- will help. I have only done yoga videos, I have never taken a beginning yoga CLASS before and my friend swears that it has helped her. So I'm willing to give my hated yoga a try.
Which just leaves the random stuff. I went on Trevor's field trip to Inner Quest yesterday and it was a blast. We all went ziplining (even the grownups got to do it!). I am scared of heights and have never ziplined before. I'm not much of a risk taker. But it was AWESOME. I thought I was going to pass out on the climb up to the platform because I'm strapped in, but just holding on to a cable and balancing on another cable. I got pretty high and was like "Omg, Devon, don't look down or you'll pass out". And I made it! And ziplining was a blast. I must say- right now I am , much of the time, either angry and sad... or feeling okay. Not happy, not excited, not anything... just not angry or sad. When I ziplined it was SO FREAKIN wonderful to feel something other than angry or sad. I WAS happy and excited when I finished it. It didn't last forever and I had a bit of a low when the adrenaline wore off but yay for feeling a positive emotion. That's supposed to come along at some point, right? I haven't felt like that since we were in SF and Ray dragged a depressed me out of the hotel room to go to the hotel next door's club. I sucked down three Stoli Vanilla and diet cokes in like 20 minutes and got drunk and happy and danced. The next time I went into a club (with Sharon and Ray this past weekend), I was not drunk and I felt a panic attack coming on and had to leave and felt lame and stupid and cried. *sigh* I miss my happy, dorky self and am so wanting it back but I can't seem to get it. It's not fair. Time, right? Time heals all wounds and I'll feel better, right?
Anyway.. Trevor and I had a fun time on the field trip and I love going on the kids' field trips. My mom said she's not coming up this weekend like she planned. I'm not sure how I feel about that except it leaves me some free time. Ray has a dinner meeting tonight and Rachael has soccer this evening, then Ariel has Brownies and I am volunteering at the Brownie meeting because The coleader is out of town for personal reasons and I am watching her daughter after school today and tomorrow so I figured I would stay at the meeting, too.
Anyway... I best get to tidying this huge house up. I have yoga today and I am bound an determined to make it. My feet have been bothering me to the extent that I can't run anymore and I am hoping doing other workouts- especially things that stretch your body like yoga- will help. I have only done yoga videos, I have never taken a beginning yoga CLASS before and my friend swears that it has helped her. So I'm willing to give my hated yoga a try.