my underlying probelm
Today I realized something. I always thought it was my dad that affected my self-estem issues when in reality it’s my mom. She has been on the phone for like 4 hours and the whole time she is telling someone she doesn’t even like how horrible I am because I gave her dirty looks because u all know I cant use the phone or get online after 9:00 and now as I’m writing this its 8:00 looks like this is gonna be posted tomorrow. It hurts to know she thinks I’m horrible that’s probably why I always say I’m horrible its because its all I have heard my whole life. I’m beginning to think that my mom never wanted me to begin with. She is always telling ppl everything I do wrong but never ONCE mentions ANYTHING my brother does wrong my brother could fucking stab me and front of her and she would just say I deserved it. I’m so sick of it maybe just once I could be told I matter and that I’m not horrible but nope anything that ever comes out of her mouth referring me is always a put down. Like I should clean my room more often, I should be nicer to my brother, I should try harder in school, and that I argue too much. Never anything like oh hunnie I’m glad u cleaned the kitchen without being asked or thanks for cooking dinner or anything like that. I wish just once I could make her proud but that looks like that will never happen I’m just a screw up in her eyes. Actually maybe in everyone’s.