[fanfic] Wings
Title: Wings
Pairing: HanChul
Genre: drama. AU.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2 569
Warning: /
Summary: He picks you up from the street, all broken wings and destroyed dreams.
Dedicated to: fabriclies I love you and this is not worth enough for you, but I just want you to give this. Please accept it?! <3
Disclaimer: Don't own Super Junior or HanChul.
A/N:
for Nhi. I miss you and this is just a little something I wrote, for you. Hope you like it, a bit or even a bit more. Sorry for the mistakes and the fail at it :x
~
He picks you up from the street, all broken wings and destroyed dreams. He doesn’t smile but just grabs your wrist and pulls you up so that you are standing, a bit crooked and with half closed eyes.
His actions speak more than any words could do and you follow him, slowly and insecure, like an abandoned dog that first has to learn to trust anyone all over again.
You like his car, it is roomy and you curl up on the back seat, closing your eyes again. Your body sink into the warm and comfortable leather while your mind sinks back into deep sleep.
His hand shakes you awake and your first reaction is to back off, but his fingertips are warm and they seem to shine a bit like the edges of a star. You stare at them for a moment, frozen in the moment and he seems to feel it, because he just remains where he is, until you move forward towards him.
His house is like his car, big and comfortable. It makes you want to lie spread across the floor in the middle of the biggest room and just enjoy the silence around you.
It is silent, since the stranger still doesn’t speak, but you don’t mind, you can feel his presence, his comfortable touches speaking to you.
Your room is grey and grey and you don’t like it, but when you look out of the huge windows you know you will feel home here. There is nothing beautiful outside, only trees and a lake and some benches, but you like it.
He smiles at you and wants to let you alone, but you grab his arm, firm and cold, so different than him.
You don’t want to use your voice, but he seems to understand, somehow he understands you, and simply says “My name is Hangeng. You can live here as long as you want. Just stay and be my guest”.
You let him go and watch his back leaving the room, his warm hand closing the door and then you are alone.
The moment you curl up on the bed you think that maybe, just maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe you should have just waited for someone else, something else to pick you up, to destroy you even further and not go with this stranger.
The darkness around you wakes you up and you are startled by the blanket that is suddenly wrapped around you. You didn’t bother to undress or put the blanket over your exhausted body, since it doesn’t matter anyways, but he seems to think different.
Hangeng. You let his name taste your tongue and your tongue taste the name. It feels nice and familiar, like a forgotten dream. Maybe you have dreamt about him before, with flying wings and dreams high like the sky.
You open the window to the nature outside that already seems so familiar to you like you already lived ages here. The moment you let your upper body fall out of the window, he is by your side and grabs your waist to hold you in place.
“You shouldn’t do such dangerous things.”
His voice is calm but steady and force you to hold your breath and come back into the room. It is cold and he wants to close the window, but you hold his hand and lead him out of the room.
Show me your house, you want to say and he understands, takes your hand in his and guides you around the house, shows you the rooms and always talks a bit.
You enjoy listening to him talking and watching his little gestures and at the end you don’t even know which room was last, not how many rooms you have seen or where they are located, but you can remember his face when he talks, how the edges of his mouth move and the shine in his eyes changes due to the light. You can remember the feeling of his hand in yours, the little pressure he sometimes did just out of habit and without noticing it.
Now you watch him making the breakfast and you notice how his hair falls in his face and over his ears, how his feet move when he walks around the kitchen and how careful his hands prepare the food.
When you are both sitting in front of the food, he stares a moment at you and you just respond to the gaze with a slight questioning tilting of your head.
“Your name… I am thinking about how I should call you.”
And suddenly you laugh, laugh at his innocent smile, his slightly startled face when he sees and hears you laughing.
You laugh at his words, how he talks to you like you were a pet, and maybe you like this thought.
“Heechul. You can call me Heechul.”
He seems to be amazed by your voice, but then the beautiful smile breaks on his lips and he nods, chuckling a bit.
“Fine, Heechul-shii. So let’s eat.”
“Nono, not Heechul-shii, simply and only Heechul.”
His eyebrows go upwards and you smile at him, your first smile and he just nods, nods at you and begins to eat.
Your life with him is comfortable and easy. It makes you forget your wings and dreams, forget about the life without you that was now lying somewhere along this road where he picked you up.
The time he is at work you spend your time lying in the house and waiting for him to return, just how you have imagined at your first day here. Sometimes you go out in the park next to the house you always see from your window.
You talk with the trees and whisper your story to the grass, always a bit afraid that someone can hear you. But nobody else visits that park ever since you stepped the first time through the always open gates.
Sometimes you stand at the lake and stare into the water. It is dark, even on sunny and warm summer days. You once asked him if the water is cold, but he couldn’t answer you.
He never takes any foot into that park too and doesn’t want to tell you the reason. Maybe that garden is cursed, just like you. Maybe that water is too far away to be reached by the sun.
It becomes autumn and you slowly begin to question for how long you can stay here, for how long you can live like this.
You know you are not meant to live at his side.
At some nights when you can’t sleep you sit at his bed and watch his dreams, watch his face falling apart and being fixed again. Sometimes you touch his cheek and wonder, every time again, why it is so warm.
The autumn comes and goes and you don’t go into the park anymore, don’t like the coldness of the water that is seeping through your clothes when you stand next to it.
He is now at home most of the time and you listen to him playing the piano, let him teaching you how to play just like him, but it never sounds like his.
Sometimes you just lie together on the floor and he tells you stories you never question if it were all his.
Christmas comes and you watch him getting calmer and colder everyday. Sometimes he sits at the windows in the living room and stares outside in the cold. His skin becomes colder and only you notice it.
At the evening before Christmas you finally bring up the question he always waited for you to ask.
You are lying on the floor in front of the fireplace in his living room while he sits on the couch and reads a book he can’t seem to finish.
“Don’t you have any family, Hangeng? Or even friends to spend your time, Christmas, with?”
He doesn’t react at first, but you can feel his hands tremble and his eyes closing and opening again, before he looks at you.
“You are my friend and family, Heechul. Isn’t this enough?”
His smile is sad, maybe for the first time, maybe not, but it is different, something is different.
You prop yourself up on your elbows and look at him, long and deep like you could look into his soul.
“So you would be alone and lonely if I would be gone?”
He seems scared and you know you would scare him with the words, but it has to be, sometimes it has to hurt.
“Yeah.. maybe I would be like this.”
Then he smiles, beautiful and like always and you get up to sit next to him, only inches away from touching his body with your own. Always this distance, always this wall between you and you want it like this.
“Don’t go away, Heechul.”
His whisper is low and faint and you almost miss it, just because you are focused on his hands, playing with the book in his lap.
“I won’t leave.” At least not until after tomorrow.
He looks at you and maybe he can read your mind and maybe you just look not enough like you, not enough like always and maybe he is just too insecure.
You smile and softly, careful touch his hand with your fingertips, cold against warm.
“Let’s go out tomorrow. Let’s go anywhere to celebrate.”
He grabs your hand like it would be the last thing to hold on and nods, smiling a bit, warm and soft.
This evening he sleeps on the couch, just because he stayed up late to read out for you from the book.
You watch him, this face too familiar, and the move of his hands. The edges of his mouth twitch and you get up to hurry into your room, before he feels your presence, but he grabs your wrist and looks at you like it would be the end of the world, his world, with you.
You smile and gentle take his hand in yours.
“I will stay, only tonight.” It is forbidden.
You want to lie down on the floor, but he insists on you lying next to him. The couch is not big enough for you to have distance, but has enough space to lie like two children cuddled up against each other.
He puts an arm around you, careful and slowly as if you could be made of glass.
Slowly and too careful you move towards him and finally let yourself burn by his warmth. He presses a kiss into your hair and finds a way to entangle your legs with his.
When his warm, always so warm, breath catches in your hair, you press a smile into his chest and let yourself go.
Only tonight, for this one night. Maybe it is okay, hopefully it is okay, because it is tonight.
The next morning you awake completely snuggled up against him and his arms around like a too warm embrace. You first move is to back off and get away from him, but his face, too close, too familiar, is in front of you.
Your fingers dance over his cheeks, eyelids and forehead before they rest for a moment on the lips.
He mumbles something and you smile, take your hands away and finally release the embrace, getting away from him and the situation.
Maybe it was okay, but now the night is over and you have to face the day, this day.
“Heechul?”
His voice sounds sleepy and tired and you just walk further away into the bathroom to take a shower and change into the clothes you wore the day you came here. Over them you put normal clothes he bought for you.
You hear him in the other bathroom and take your last walk to the park. Snow still lies on the grass, already brown and dirty and yet too beautiful for you to not grab for it.
You hold it a moment in your hand and watch how it melts away. You can feel him in the house and you hurry up to say goodbye to the dark water that still scares you, to the garden around you, before you step back to the house.
But you don’t come back, you wait outside, until he comes out, looking at you like you have broken a rule, like you have hurt him and he can’t fix it.
The moment is gone when you turn around to face the street and he takes your hand, casually and normal and you feel his warmth, burning you down.
“Where do you want to go?”
Your voice is low and whispering and sounds like a children’s voice, small and aware of the fears in the world.
“You decide.”
He looks at you and maybe he knows, maybe he knows that he can’t avoid it, maybe he knows it and wants to end it as soon as possible.
You just smile and drag him along with you into the city, under the burning lights shining too bright for your eyes and his soul. You take him to the bright Christmas tree standing there with presents, fake and beautiful packed, under it. You take him to eat candies so he feels sick and wants to go home.
In the end you are standing on the road where he found you. It is dark and nobody is here, nobody but you, you and him.
He looks at you, like he knows, like he just knows and there are the lights in his eyes, shining too bright.
“Heechul.. Don’t leave me, don’t leave-“
You kiss his lips, too warm, burning you down, grab his hands, too cold at this season, but still too warm for you, burning your soul down and pull him down in the dirty and beautiful brown snow.
He kisses back with all what he has, with every part and little piece of his heart.
His breath warms your cold skin and you press against him, want to feel his warmth one last time.
“Why are you so warm?”
Your question is unwanted and you kiss him again just to let him not think about this, to not let him answer that it is just because you are so cold.
When you break apart, because breathing becomes too hard, he looks at you and takes your face into his hands.
“Heechul, Heechul. This is feeling, this is love. This is you.”
You want to ask him, ask him if you are warm too, because you can feel, you can love, because he is there. But you just stare and stare and then his hands are on your back, exactly where broken wings lie under covers of clothes, where dreams were destroyed the moment you looked down.
“Heechul…”
He begins to whisper again, wants to say something, but you kiss him, one last time.
Please, one last time let me be his warmth, you pray, you scream and he wants to grab you, wants to hold you, but when he opens his eyes again it is cold, so cold.
You smile, tears in your eyes and maybe he can see you, maybe he knows, like always.
You feel broken wings at your back, feel shattered dreams lying in the snow next to him and the tears, bright lights fading away.
Pairing: HanChul
Genre: drama. AU.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2 569
Warning: /
Summary: He picks you up from the street, all broken wings and destroyed dreams.
Dedicated to: fabriclies I love you and this is not worth enough for you, but I just want you to give this. Please accept it?! <3
Disclaimer: Don't own Super Junior or HanChul.
A/N:
for Nhi. I miss you and this is just a little something I wrote, for you. Hope you like it, a bit or even a bit more. Sorry for the mistakes and the fail at it :x
~
He picks you up from the street, all broken wings and destroyed dreams. He doesn’t smile but just grabs your wrist and pulls you up so that you are standing, a bit crooked and with half closed eyes.
His actions speak more than any words could do and you follow him, slowly and insecure, like an abandoned dog that first has to learn to trust anyone all over again.
You like his car, it is roomy and you curl up on the back seat, closing your eyes again. Your body sink into the warm and comfortable leather while your mind sinks back into deep sleep.
His hand shakes you awake and your first reaction is to back off, but his fingertips are warm and they seem to shine a bit like the edges of a star. You stare at them for a moment, frozen in the moment and he seems to feel it, because he just remains where he is, until you move forward towards him.
His house is like his car, big and comfortable. It makes you want to lie spread across the floor in the middle of the biggest room and just enjoy the silence around you.
It is silent, since the stranger still doesn’t speak, but you don’t mind, you can feel his presence, his comfortable touches speaking to you.
Your room is grey and grey and you don’t like it, but when you look out of the huge windows you know you will feel home here. There is nothing beautiful outside, only trees and a lake and some benches, but you like it.
He smiles at you and wants to let you alone, but you grab his arm, firm and cold, so different than him.
You don’t want to use your voice, but he seems to understand, somehow he understands you, and simply says “My name is Hangeng. You can live here as long as you want. Just stay and be my guest”.
You let him go and watch his back leaving the room, his warm hand closing the door and then you are alone.
The moment you curl up on the bed you think that maybe, just maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe you should have just waited for someone else, something else to pick you up, to destroy you even further and not go with this stranger.
The darkness around you wakes you up and you are startled by the blanket that is suddenly wrapped around you. You didn’t bother to undress or put the blanket over your exhausted body, since it doesn’t matter anyways, but he seems to think different.
Hangeng. You let his name taste your tongue and your tongue taste the name. It feels nice and familiar, like a forgotten dream. Maybe you have dreamt about him before, with flying wings and dreams high like the sky.
You open the window to the nature outside that already seems so familiar to you like you already lived ages here. The moment you let your upper body fall out of the window, he is by your side and grabs your waist to hold you in place.
“You shouldn’t do such dangerous things.”
His voice is calm but steady and force you to hold your breath and come back into the room. It is cold and he wants to close the window, but you hold his hand and lead him out of the room.
Show me your house, you want to say and he understands, takes your hand in his and guides you around the house, shows you the rooms and always talks a bit.
You enjoy listening to him talking and watching his little gestures and at the end you don’t even know which room was last, not how many rooms you have seen or where they are located, but you can remember his face when he talks, how the edges of his mouth move and the shine in his eyes changes due to the light. You can remember the feeling of his hand in yours, the little pressure he sometimes did just out of habit and without noticing it.
Now you watch him making the breakfast and you notice how his hair falls in his face and over his ears, how his feet move when he walks around the kitchen and how careful his hands prepare the food.
When you are both sitting in front of the food, he stares a moment at you and you just respond to the gaze with a slight questioning tilting of your head.
“Your name… I am thinking about how I should call you.”
And suddenly you laugh, laugh at his innocent smile, his slightly startled face when he sees and hears you laughing.
You laugh at his words, how he talks to you like you were a pet, and maybe you like this thought.
“Heechul. You can call me Heechul.”
He seems to be amazed by your voice, but then the beautiful smile breaks on his lips and he nods, chuckling a bit.
“Fine, Heechul-shii. So let’s eat.”
“Nono, not Heechul-shii, simply and only Heechul.”
His eyebrows go upwards and you smile at him, your first smile and he just nods, nods at you and begins to eat.
Your life with him is comfortable and easy. It makes you forget your wings and dreams, forget about the life without you that was now lying somewhere along this road where he picked you up.
The time he is at work you spend your time lying in the house and waiting for him to return, just how you have imagined at your first day here. Sometimes you go out in the park next to the house you always see from your window.
You talk with the trees and whisper your story to the grass, always a bit afraid that someone can hear you. But nobody else visits that park ever since you stepped the first time through the always open gates.
Sometimes you stand at the lake and stare into the water. It is dark, even on sunny and warm summer days. You once asked him if the water is cold, but he couldn’t answer you.
He never takes any foot into that park too and doesn’t want to tell you the reason. Maybe that garden is cursed, just like you. Maybe that water is too far away to be reached by the sun.
It becomes autumn and you slowly begin to question for how long you can stay here, for how long you can live like this.
You know you are not meant to live at his side.
At some nights when you can’t sleep you sit at his bed and watch his dreams, watch his face falling apart and being fixed again. Sometimes you touch his cheek and wonder, every time again, why it is so warm.
The autumn comes and goes and you don’t go into the park anymore, don’t like the coldness of the water that is seeping through your clothes when you stand next to it.
He is now at home most of the time and you listen to him playing the piano, let him teaching you how to play just like him, but it never sounds like his.
Sometimes you just lie together on the floor and he tells you stories you never question if it were all his.
Christmas comes and you watch him getting calmer and colder everyday. Sometimes he sits at the windows in the living room and stares outside in the cold. His skin becomes colder and only you notice it.
At the evening before Christmas you finally bring up the question he always waited for you to ask.
You are lying on the floor in front of the fireplace in his living room while he sits on the couch and reads a book he can’t seem to finish.
“Don’t you have any family, Hangeng? Or even friends to spend your time, Christmas, with?”
He doesn’t react at first, but you can feel his hands tremble and his eyes closing and opening again, before he looks at you.
“You are my friend and family, Heechul. Isn’t this enough?”
His smile is sad, maybe for the first time, maybe not, but it is different, something is different.
You prop yourself up on your elbows and look at him, long and deep like you could look into his soul.
“So you would be alone and lonely if I would be gone?”
He seems scared and you know you would scare him with the words, but it has to be, sometimes it has to hurt.
“Yeah.. maybe I would be like this.”
Then he smiles, beautiful and like always and you get up to sit next to him, only inches away from touching his body with your own. Always this distance, always this wall between you and you want it like this.
“Don’t go away, Heechul.”
His whisper is low and faint and you almost miss it, just because you are focused on his hands, playing with the book in his lap.
“I won’t leave.” At least not until after tomorrow.
He looks at you and maybe he can read your mind and maybe you just look not enough like you, not enough like always and maybe he is just too insecure.
You smile and softly, careful touch his hand with your fingertips, cold against warm.
“Let’s go out tomorrow. Let’s go anywhere to celebrate.”
He grabs your hand like it would be the last thing to hold on and nods, smiling a bit, warm and soft.
This evening he sleeps on the couch, just because he stayed up late to read out for you from the book.
You watch him, this face too familiar, and the move of his hands. The edges of his mouth twitch and you get up to hurry into your room, before he feels your presence, but he grabs your wrist and looks at you like it would be the end of the world, his world, with you.
You smile and gentle take his hand in yours.
“I will stay, only tonight.” It is forbidden.
You want to lie down on the floor, but he insists on you lying next to him. The couch is not big enough for you to have distance, but has enough space to lie like two children cuddled up against each other.
He puts an arm around you, careful and slowly as if you could be made of glass.
Slowly and too careful you move towards him and finally let yourself burn by his warmth. He presses a kiss into your hair and finds a way to entangle your legs with his.
When his warm, always so warm, breath catches in your hair, you press a smile into his chest and let yourself go.
Only tonight, for this one night. Maybe it is okay, hopefully it is okay, because it is tonight.
The next morning you awake completely snuggled up against him and his arms around like a too warm embrace. You first move is to back off and get away from him, but his face, too close, too familiar, is in front of you.
Your fingers dance over his cheeks, eyelids and forehead before they rest for a moment on the lips.
He mumbles something and you smile, take your hands away and finally release the embrace, getting away from him and the situation.
Maybe it was okay, but now the night is over and you have to face the day, this day.
“Heechul?”
His voice sounds sleepy and tired and you just walk further away into the bathroom to take a shower and change into the clothes you wore the day you came here. Over them you put normal clothes he bought for you.
You hear him in the other bathroom and take your last walk to the park. Snow still lies on the grass, already brown and dirty and yet too beautiful for you to not grab for it.
You hold it a moment in your hand and watch how it melts away. You can feel him in the house and you hurry up to say goodbye to the dark water that still scares you, to the garden around you, before you step back to the house.
But you don’t come back, you wait outside, until he comes out, looking at you like you have broken a rule, like you have hurt him and he can’t fix it.
The moment is gone when you turn around to face the street and he takes your hand, casually and normal and you feel his warmth, burning you down.
“Where do you want to go?”
Your voice is low and whispering and sounds like a children’s voice, small and aware of the fears in the world.
“You decide.”
He looks at you and maybe he knows, maybe he knows that he can’t avoid it, maybe he knows it and wants to end it as soon as possible.
You just smile and drag him along with you into the city, under the burning lights shining too bright for your eyes and his soul. You take him to the bright Christmas tree standing there with presents, fake and beautiful packed, under it. You take him to eat candies so he feels sick and wants to go home.
In the end you are standing on the road where he found you. It is dark and nobody is here, nobody but you, you and him.
He looks at you, like he knows, like he just knows and there are the lights in his eyes, shining too bright.
“Heechul.. Don’t leave me, don’t leave-“
You kiss his lips, too warm, burning you down, grab his hands, too cold at this season, but still too warm for you, burning your soul down and pull him down in the dirty and beautiful brown snow.
He kisses back with all what he has, with every part and little piece of his heart.
His breath warms your cold skin and you press against him, want to feel his warmth one last time.
“Why are you so warm?”
Your question is unwanted and you kiss him again just to let him not think about this, to not let him answer that it is just because you are so cold.
When you break apart, because breathing becomes too hard, he looks at you and takes your face into his hands.
“Heechul, Heechul. This is feeling, this is love. This is you.”
You want to ask him, ask him if you are warm too, because you can feel, you can love, because he is there. But you just stare and stare and then his hands are on your back, exactly where broken wings lie under covers of clothes, where dreams were destroyed the moment you looked down.
“Heechul…”
He begins to whisper again, wants to say something, but you kiss him, one last time.
Please, one last time let me be his warmth, you pray, you scream and he wants to grab you, wants to hold you, but when he opens his eyes again it is cold, so cold.
You smile, tears in your eyes and maybe he can see you, maybe he knows, like always.
You feel broken wings at your back, feel shattered dreams lying in the snow next to him and the tears, bright lights fading away.