[fanfic] Breaking Mask
Title: Breaking Mask
Pairing: JongKey
Genre: drama. angst. fluff.
Rating: PG-16
Words: 1 948
Warning: none
Summary: You always wanted to be the Almighty Key, the one who is able to accomplish everything and with some sparkle all around. You wanted to be lovely and glittering but not easy to touch.
Thanks to: my beta engbreakfast ♥
Dedicated to: kitkii because I fail and couldn't finish the other JongKey fic and idk, I am sorry. I love you and miss you and this is for you ♥
Disclaimer: Don't own Shinee and/or JongKey.
A/N:
Something like a belated birthday present, although not the real one x-x
Nothing much else to say about this XD (lol I wrote it last friday, so I don't really know what I wanted to say about this else XDD)
Please enjoy and leave a comment ^-^
~
The same moment your mask breaks you can hear something breaking inside of you, some kind of hope you’ve always had. You’ve always wanted to be the Almighty Key, the one who is able to accomplish and sparkle in everything. You wanted to be lovely and glittering, but untouchable.
Your self-image was an icy prince with a beautiful face and a big heart behind it all.
You managed to maintain this image maybe for far too long because even when he stepped into your life, you didn’t let your mask become transparent.
Maybe this was the mistake you made, because when you tried to keep him away from you, like everyone else, he just tried to be closer and closer until you could feel his breath ghosting over the inside of your mask, almost touching your heart and soul behind it.
Every time you pushed him away, he would look at you like a kicked puppy, but he never learnt like the animal. Instead he always came back, with a brighter smile and confidence in his eyes.
Slowly, he somehow managed it, coming closer and closer, until he was able to look behind your mask, see the little flaws you tried to hide and the tears you never cry.
This was when he began to hold your hand more often than fan service required, when he would crawl into your bed at night and whisper something about nightmares and fears, but you always knew he just felt that you needed someone to hold onto.
He knew everything, and it scared you. But you didn’t fight it anymore. To be honest you became used to his attention, to his careful questions and furtive glances and touches.
The moment your mask breaks is the moment when you break down, not in front of everyone, but just in front of your band, and they are just standing there; helpless and staring at you with big eyes. They still expect answers from you, maybe even commands to tell them what to do, but you can’t and it feels lonely, even though it had always felt like home when you were among them.
You feel their gazes linger on you, your tears and the smudged eyeliner leaving dark trails down your cheeks. You don’t even care, not rubbing them away or trying to stop the tears.
Your fingers are buried in the floor under you and silent sobs shake your body.
The sudden warmth of a hand on your shoulder makes you wince and you don’t dare to look up, don’t want to be disappointed with what you wanted to see and what will actually be in front of your eyes.
The hand is running along your arm and finally grabs your own. Your eyes are so swollen and puffy and for a moment you think about how ugly and disgusting you probably look now, but then you feel another strong arm wrapping around your shoulders.
You let him half carrying, half tugging you along to the bedroom gently, always besides you. You knew it was him, the silent tenderness always there to help you, make sure you’re safe; he was always there.
You smile despite your tears and clutch onto his hand harder.
You arrive at your bed and he sinks down in front of you, waiting until you open your eyes and meet his.
They shine like always, full with sympathy, and sadness and worry.
You smile again, trying to reassure him, touching his cheek with your other hand, slowly stroking over the soft skin that is still so familiar to you.
“Silly, stop looking like that.”
Your voice is hoarse from all the crying and you can feel the traces of wet, staining tears on your face.
He only smiles and releases your hand to wipe the tears off your face, trying to reduce the damage it did to the make up on your face.
You let him and close your eyes slowly, welcoming the growing warmth radiating off his fingers on your skin.
“Want to talk?”
His voice is small and careful and this is the first time you’ve heard it like this.
You need a moment to take in the question because you only listened how he sounded when he said them.
After a moment of hesitation you slowly shake your head and instead open your eyes again. You look at him, thoughtfully and insecure, but then you curve your lips into a sad smile and reach out with your arms.
“Want to hug?”
Your voice is getting better, but it still sounds like your cried too much and you know it is true.
The smile that lightens up his face after your insecure question makes your heart flutter and it only increases when he embraces you with his whole body, pulling you under his warmth as you fall together on the bed.
You crush under his weight, at least it feels like that and under other circumstances you would have teased him about that. But now, in that moment, you just let him hold you tight.
His breath tickles the skin under your ear and you can almost feel the vibration of his voice before the actual tone comes out.
He is humming in your ear, some kind of children song you once sang together just out of fun. Maybe he remembers what you said back then, that the song calms you down in the right moments.
Moments pass by and you are too lazy to count the time or to care about it at all.
You fall asleep to his soothing voice.
When you wake up, you can still feel his warmth radiating from somewhere, but now it’s under you and you realize that you had somehow managed to turn around and lie now on top of his chest.
Your legs are entangled together and his hand on your back is heavy but protecting and gives you the feeling of home, the feeling that you’ve forgotten about for a long time ago.
His breathing changes when you try to look up and your eyes meet his sleepy and still worried gaze.
“Are you still worried?”
His eyes give it away, but you want to hear it from him, the selfish self that you sometimes are.
The laughter that follows your question is not obnoxious and joyful like the normal ones before but it can still make your heart flutter and your stomach going sick.
His gaze seems to be looking for something in your eyes and you openly give him everything he wants, let him look behind your mask, already broken anyways, and into your soul.
He takes as much as he can without you telling him.
“Tell me about it.”
His fingers in your hair speak louder than any plea could do and you smile a bit, turn your head around and place a soft kiss on his palm.
“What should I say?! The Almighty Key isn’t so almighty like everyone thought.”
You sigh and he continues to caress your head, looking at you like he would understand, like he would wait for eternity if that is the time you need to take.
You listen to the silence around you while you both wait for more to come, either from you or from him, but there is only silence.
Far away, behind the bedroom door you can hear someone talking and you can even recognize the voices, but at the moment it doesn’t bother you and you don’t think about it any further.
You make yourself comfortable on his chest again and listen to his heart beating together with your own.
“I wish I could be someone else sometimes. I wish I hadn’t built up this mask, just to let it fall apart from something so simple, so complicated like a feeling.”
The hand in your hair doesn’t stop and you think it is a good sign, because after all, you are taking a risk here, but maybe it is time for you to take a risk once in a while. Maybe you need to risk something in order to get something that will make you happier than anything before.
“You know, everything is your fault.”
You pause and notice the little shudder going through him and his hand seems to stop, but it only hesitates and then continues to stroke your hair.
“You are like my blind spot, always there and sometimes disturbing and unnerving, but existing and necessary to live because without it I wouldn’t be complete. You always came back and I never understood it and you made me… you made my mask transparent and then, then…”
You stop and something inside you shakes your whole body, like the shudder going through his body before has now reached you.
You notice the fastened and now erratic heartbeat under your ear, but you don’t look up and you don’t want to let go yet.
“I realized I would never be like I once was. You changed me and I began to hate your for this. I tried to, at least.”
Your closed eyes want to open up and look at him, see his face and his eyes, see how he reacts, but you don’t dare to and just continue before the strength from his presence, his hands, leaves you all alone.
“But the more you changed my life and me, the more I began to feel better. I realized that only you could make me feel so complete and… loved. I realized that I never wanted to be without you again.”
There is silence again and you almost hold your breath, just to not miss any reaction of him, but the only thing you get as an answer is a question.
“But why did you break down like this today?”
You remain silent for a moment, thinking about the question because you realized you don’t know the answer yourself.
“Maybe… because I thought about all this and I couldn’t wait any longer. I can’t let you go but I also can’t hold onto you. We are not meant to be like this, we are not meant to stay together forever.”
The sadness and resolution come back, flaunting in your voice, but still you don’t dare to look up, to even open your eyes.
“Look at me, Kibum.”
You hesitate, but his fingers pull softly at your hair and you know that it is important. His voice is serious and not worried, but only honest.
You look up slowly, with your heart exploding in your chest.
His eyes are honest like his voice and already give off some kind of emotion you just can’t put into the right words because you are too nervous and scared and maybe still a bit broken and insecure.
When he grabs your face with both hands and holds you in place so you only can look into his eyes, a small but sincere smile forms on his lips and he touches with them your own.
“I love you, too, Kibum.”
You shudder and you need a moment, maybe even two, to realize the words he just right now said to you.
His eyes reflect the smile that appears on your face and you crash your lips together again, sucking at his with excitement and happiness.
“You don’t need any mask, Kibum. You are the Almighty Key, behind every mask and thing. You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are. Don’t hide anymore, not only from me but from everyone. Everyone should deserve to know the real Key. You deserve to be known and loved for your real self, not for some mask you once put on.”
Pairing: JongKey
Genre: drama. angst. fluff.
Rating: PG-16
Words: 1 948
Warning: none
Summary: You always wanted to be the Almighty Key, the one who is able to accomplish everything and with some sparkle all around. You wanted to be lovely and glittering but not easy to touch.
Thanks to: my beta engbreakfast ♥
Dedicated to: kitkii because I fail and couldn't finish the other JongKey fic and idk, I am sorry. I love you and miss you and this is for you ♥
Disclaimer: Don't own Shinee and/or JongKey.
A/N:
Something like a belated birthday present, although not the real one x-x
Nothing much else to say about this XD (lol I wrote it last friday, so I don't really know what I wanted to say about this else XDD)
Please enjoy and leave a comment ^-^
~
The same moment your mask breaks you can hear something breaking inside of you, some kind of hope you’ve always had. You’ve always wanted to be the Almighty Key, the one who is able to accomplish and sparkle in everything. You wanted to be lovely and glittering, but untouchable.
Your self-image was an icy prince with a beautiful face and a big heart behind it all.
You managed to maintain this image maybe for far too long because even when he stepped into your life, you didn’t let your mask become transparent.
Maybe this was the mistake you made, because when you tried to keep him away from you, like everyone else, he just tried to be closer and closer until you could feel his breath ghosting over the inside of your mask, almost touching your heart and soul behind it.
Every time you pushed him away, he would look at you like a kicked puppy, but he never learnt like the animal. Instead he always came back, with a brighter smile and confidence in his eyes.
Slowly, he somehow managed it, coming closer and closer, until he was able to look behind your mask, see the little flaws you tried to hide and the tears you never cry.
This was when he began to hold your hand more often than fan service required, when he would crawl into your bed at night and whisper something about nightmares and fears, but you always knew he just felt that you needed someone to hold onto.
He knew everything, and it scared you. But you didn’t fight it anymore. To be honest you became used to his attention, to his careful questions and furtive glances and touches.
The moment your mask breaks is the moment when you break down, not in front of everyone, but just in front of your band, and they are just standing there; helpless and staring at you with big eyes. They still expect answers from you, maybe even commands to tell them what to do, but you can’t and it feels lonely, even though it had always felt like home when you were among them.
You feel their gazes linger on you, your tears and the smudged eyeliner leaving dark trails down your cheeks. You don’t even care, not rubbing them away or trying to stop the tears.
Your fingers are buried in the floor under you and silent sobs shake your body.
The sudden warmth of a hand on your shoulder makes you wince and you don’t dare to look up, don’t want to be disappointed with what you wanted to see and what will actually be in front of your eyes.
The hand is running along your arm and finally grabs your own. Your eyes are so swollen and puffy and for a moment you think about how ugly and disgusting you probably look now, but then you feel another strong arm wrapping around your shoulders.
You let him half carrying, half tugging you along to the bedroom gently, always besides you. You knew it was him, the silent tenderness always there to help you, make sure you’re safe; he was always there.
You smile despite your tears and clutch onto his hand harder.
You arrive at your bed and he sinks down in front of you, waiting until you open your eyes and meet his.
They shine like always, full with sympathy, and sadness and worry.
You smile again, trying to reassure him, touching his cheek with your other hand, slowly stroking over the soft skin that is still so familiar to you.
“Silly, stop looking like that.”
Your voice is hoarse from all the crying and you can feel the traces of wet, staining tears on your face.
He only smiles and releases your hand to wipe the tears off your face, trying to reduce the damage it did to the make up on your face.
You let him and close your eyes slowly, welcoming the growing warmth radiating off his fingers on your skin.
“Want to talk?”
His voice is small and careful and this is the first time you’ve heard it like this.
You need a moment to take in the question because you only listened how he sounded when he said them.
After a moment of hesitation you slowly shake your head and instead open your eyes again. You look at him, thoughtfully and insecure, but then you curve your lips into a sad smile and reach out with your arms.
“Want to hug?”
Your voice is getting better, but it still sounds like your cried too much and you know it is true.
The smile that lightens up his face after your insecure question makes your heart flutter and it only increases when he embraces you with his whole body, pulling you under his warmth as you fall together on the bed.
You crush under his weight, at least it feels like that and under other circumstances you would have teased him about that. But now, in that moment, you just let him hold you tight.
His breath tickles the skin under your ear and you can almost feel the vibration of his voice before the actual tone comes out.
He is humming in your ear, some kind of children song you once sang together just out of fun. Maybe he remembers what you said back then, that the song calms you down in the right moments.
Moments pass by and you are too lazy to count the time or to care about it at all.
You fall asleep to his soothing voice.
When you wake up, you can still feel his warmth radiating from somewhere, but now it’s under you and you realize that you had somehow managed to turn around and lie now on top of his chest.
Your legs are entangled together and his hand on your back is heavy but protecting and gives you the feeling of home, the feeling that you’ve forgotten about for a long time ago.
His breathing changes when you try to look up and your eyes meet his sleepy and still worried gaze.
“Are you still worried?”
His eyes give it away, but you want to hear it from him, the selfish self that you sometimes are.
The laughter that follows your question is not obnoxious and joyful like the normal ones before but it can still make your heart flutter and your stomach going sick.
His gaze seems to be looking for something in your eyes and you openly give him everything he wants, let him look behind your mask, already broken anyways, and into your soul.
He takes as much as he can without you telling him.
“Tell me about it.”
His fingers in your hair speak louder than any plea could do and you smile a bit, turn your head around and place a soft kiss on his palm.
“What should I say?! The Almighty Key isn’t so almighty like everyone thought.”
You sigh and he continues to caress your head, looking at you like he would understand, like he would wait for eternity if that is the time you need to take.
You listen to the silence around you while you both wait for more to come, either from you or from him, but there is only silence.
Far away, behind the bedroom door you can hear someone talking and you can even recognize the voices, but at the moment it doesn’t bother you and you don’t think about it any further.
You make yourself comfortable on his chest again and listen to his heart beating together with your own.
“I wish I could be someone else sometimes. I wish I hadn’t built up this mask, just to let it fall apart from something so simple, so complicated like a feeling.”
The hand in your hair doesn’t stop and you think it is a good sign, because after all, you are taking a risk here, but maybe it is time for you to take a risk once in a while. Maybe you need to risk something in order to get something that will make you happier than anything before.
“You know, everything is your fault.”
You pause and notice the little shudder going through him and his hand seems to stop, but it only hesitates and then continues to stroke your hair.
“You are like my blind spot, always there and sometimes disturbing and unnerving, but existing and necessary to live because without it I wouldn’t be complete. You always came back and I never understood it and you made me… you made my mask transparent and then, then…”
You stop and something inside you shakes your whole body, like the shudder going through his body before has now reached you.
You notice the fastened and now erratic heartbeat under your ear, but you don’t look up and you don’t want to let go yet.
“I realized I would never be like I once was. You changed me and I began to hate your for this. I tried to, at least.”
Your closed eyes want to open up and look at him, see his face and his eyes, see how he reacts, but you don’t dare to and just continue before the strength from his presence, his hands, leaves you all alone.
“But the more you changed my life and me, the more I began to feel better. I realized that only you could make me feel so complete and… loved. I realized that I never wanted to be without you again.”
There is silence again and you almost hold your breath, just to not miss any reaction of him, but the only thing you get as an answer is a question.
“But why did you break down like this today?”
You remain silent for a moment, thinking about the question because you realized you don’t know the answer yourself.
“Maybe… because I thought about all this and I couldn’t wait any longer. I can’t let you go but I also can’t hold onto you. We are not meant to be like this, we are not meant to stay together forever.”
The sadness and resolution come back, flaunting in your voice, but still you don’t dare to look up, to even open your eyes.
“Look at me, Kibum.”
You hesitate, but his fingers pull softly at your hair and you know that it is important. His voice is serious and not worried, but only honest.
You look up slowly, with your heart exploding in your chest.
His eyes are honest like his voice and already give off some kind of emotion you just can’t put into the right words because you are too nervous and scared and maybe still a bit broken and insecure.
When he grabs your face with both hands and holds you in place so you only can look into his eyes, a small but sincere smile forms on his lips and he touches with them your own.
“I love you, too, Kibum.”
You shudder and you need a moment, maybe even two, to realize the words he just right now said to you.
His eyes reflect the smile that appears on your face and you crash your lips together again, sucking at his with excitement and happiness.
“You don’t need any mask, Kibum. You are the Almighty Key, behind every mask and thing. You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are. Don’t hide anymore, not only from me but from everyone. Everyone should deserve to know the real Key. You deserve to be known and loved for your real self, not for some mask you once put on.”