Understanding Fears
Do you remember when? Do you remember when everyone got along in freshmen and sophomore year? Do you remember when everyone enjoyed life whether or not they knew what the meaning for it was? Do you remember party nights at David's...The Entertainers...The group? It was only a year ago, and I sure remember when...when I thought it was cool and I figured wrong. Junior year of high school has been by far the greatest year of my life. Never have I encountered so much change, and seen so much through these eyes. I have kept three friends from last summers "group" I think. I have been sober for almost ten months since last summer. I have given my heart to Jesus Christ since last summer, and since last summer...I have found a pathway on life that doesn't throw regret my way. From the wretched depression last fall, through the long hockey season, through all the conversations with however many people, I feel it has all added up to my internal emotion, Love. Tonight as I reflect and see how much I have progressed, I can only feel Love.
But with love, I also have the common sense to interpret my true reality. I have lost many friends, boys and girls, I have gone from homecoming royalty nominee to a kid that walks around with an ipod in one ear, and a reading book in my hand. I was talking to Julie friday night under the stars talking about our reality and how it has drastically changed. The theme was detachment. It seems everyone has detached in one way or another from previous ties in earlier high school years. There is no more close group of friends, the "feeme team" is no longer five girls, to hang out with your friends doesn't include having to fit twenty people into an area. It seems that no one really enjoys other's company anymore. Small groups have taken over, once the closest of friends now seem to only talk amongst the halls.
Now this detachment is not fully negative, for the most part, it is for people I see. But for me, I have been blessed to grasp it and control my feelings about such an intangible. I have detached from many people, but I am still there to talk whenever, and always there to comfort. So maybe I don't hang out with you on the weekends...that doesn't mean I don't care about you. The positive of my detachment is that I got away from the chains holding down my personal potential, but I know I can call any one of the distant friends to talk, or some of them at least.
To conclude this entry I just want to advise change is good. You should embrace it with optimism, not fear. Once you can understand fear, you lose all of it into optimism. I was going to stop Live Journaling, and only keep to myself and Doug and a few others, but this good kid Kyle gave me encouragement to keep writing, that I was inspiring him. It's funny how a little encouragement goes for people. My mentor is helping me realize how dependent we are as human beings for one another. People need positive reinforcement by others to perform.
After gaining wisdom with my mentor with each conversation, I am so excited for change, for college, for life... As of today, I think I'm going to go to Seattle Pacific University in Seattle Washington. I already have a few ideas for a career too. I want to be a writer: poetry, short stories, novels, etc. Or I think I want to become a Pastor of a Christian Church.Maybe i'll do both.
I just love life so much, I feel so blessed with everything around me that I have to force myself to get out of a feeling of awe. I just can't imagine a life without a base, a teacher, and a goal. My base is faith, faith in Jesus Christ and faith that there is a large meaning why each and everyone of us is walking this Earth. My teacher are my parents, my pastor, and my mentor. There is too much to know outside high school to enter it alone, if you do not have a mentor I highly recommend seeking one. And a goal, a goal to not Live for myself, but for others. Encouragement goes a long way brothers and sisters. I probably would have never written this if it wasn't for Kyle inspiring me. I love you all a lot, I hope you had a year as meaningful as I this school year.
But with love, I also have the common sense to interpret my true reality. I have lost many friends, boys and girls, I have gone from homecoming royalty nominee to a kid that walks around with an ipod in one ear, and a reading book in my hand. I was talking to Julie friday night under the stars talking about our reality and how it has drastically changed. The theme was detachment. It seems everyone has detached in one way or another from previous ties in earlier high school years. There is no more close group of friends, the "feeme team" is no longer five girls, to hang out with your friends doesn't include having to fit twenty people into an area. It seems that no one really enjoys other's company anymore. Small groups have taken over, once the closest of friends now seem to only talk amongst the halls.
Now this detachment is not fully negative, for the most part, it is for people I see. But for me, I have been blessed to grasp it and control my feelings about such an intangible. I have detached from many people, but I am still there to talk whenever, and always there to comfort. So maybe I don't hang out with you on the weekends...that doesn't mean I don't care about you. The positive of my detachment is that I got away from the chains holding down my personal potential, but I know I can call any one of the distant friends to talk, or some of them at least.
To conclude this entry I just want to advise change is good. You should embrace it with optimism, not fear. Once you can understand fear, you lose all of it into optimism. I was going to stop Live Journaling, and only keep to myself and Doug and a few others, but this good kid Kyle gave me encouragement to keep writing, that I was inspiring him. It's funny how a little encouragement goes for people. My mentor is helping me realize how dependent we are as human beings for one another. People need positive reinforcement by others to perform.
After gaining wisdom with my mentor with each conversation, I am so excited for change, for college, for life... As of today, I think I'm going to go to Seattle Pacific University in Seattle Washington. I already have a few ideas for a career too. I want to be a writer: poetry, short stories, novels, etc. Or I think I want to become a Pastor of a Christian Church.Maybe i'll do both.
I just love life so much, I feel so blessed with everything around me that I have to force myself to get out of a feeling of awe. I just can't imagine a life without a base, a teacher, and a goal. My base is faith, faith in Jesus Christ and faith that there is a large meaning why each and everyone of us is walking this Earth. My teacher are my parents, my pastor, and my mentor. There is too much to know outside high school to enter it alone, if you do not have a mentor I highly recommend seeking one. And a goal, a goal to not Live for myself, but for others. Encouragement goes a long way brothers and sisters. I probably would have never written this if it wasn't for Kyle inspiring me. I love you all a lot, I hope you had a year as meaningful as I this school year.