Happy Father's DAy
what an interesting father's day. mat left today, i know ive been writing that for weeks now...I took pictures, we all hugged, and i watched his car drive away. and as he gave me one last hug i saw his eyes look glassy and misty, and i choked on my words. he waved and his car drove off never to return. we all stood there in awe.
"I've been dreading this day" i said.
and as he was gone Tara gave me a hug and said "its ok" and i broke, and then cried hard on her and was so embarrassed i felt like i was mourning his death. then Erin and Derek came over and we all hugged. she offered to buy me coffee but i have a new espresso and cappaccino maker i bought with my first credit card ever, a Macy's card so now i can establish some credit. ON Tuesday or Wednesday we'll have a coffee party and Tara can get coffee free and ground from Dunkin DOnuts.
Last night was very memorable. Mat got a flat tire and we went to BJ and NRB (something like that) and then Sears to get a tire none of the above had what he wanted. We went Outlet Shopping and went to Gap, Lindt, a shoestore all over/ Then we ate at his restaurant the Blue Mermaid. there was Derek and I and his brother Dan and then Bev and Bob friends of his family. we got so hooked up for desserts we had one of everything and i think they were discounted. some waitresses said goodbye to him and wished him luck. he said goodbye to the kitchen crew and as we left his chef banged on the window.
Then we went to Hampton Beach and acted drunk but we werent and saw Ed one of the RA people, totally out of his mind. we played skeeball and i got one 100 and a few 50 points. we saw the sand sculptures and just had a great walk and scenic drive. then we went to Buckhorns our truckstop and got fries and Dan got a sundae and coffee/ i bought Logans RUn finally and we watched that to top off the night.
We held eachother very close and then he put my hand on his face and i felt tears. then i started crying. we both cried very hard last night. i was glad to see some emotion to see he actually cared...and he whispered "I'll m iss you, the way you taste. the way you smell the way you feel (its not even a sexual thing) I'll miss when you get excited like about the cappaccino maker and scurry when you run."
But its real, it happened and its over. im very vunerable and i have to move on but not just yet. i packed as Mat was packing for Cape COd im here now. he also opened the window with a crowbar so we can get fresh air in the room. i hit massive traffic and took a wrong exit but made it back on 93.
im here..i'll go to the beach tommorow...to get my mind cleared and to heal. im unstable and i know i'll be ok but it will take adjusting...one day at a time.
"I've been dreading this day" i said.
and as he was gone Tara gave me a hug and said "its ok" and i broke, and then cried hard on her and was so embarrassed i felt like i was mourning his death. then Erin and Derek came over and we all hugged. she offered to buy me coffee but i have a new espresso and cappaccino maker i bought with my first credit card ever, a Macy's card so now i can establish some credit. ON Tuesday or Wednesday we'll have a coffee party and Tara can get coffee free and ground from Dunkin DOnuts.
Last night was very memorable. Mat got a flat tire and we went to BJ and NRB (something like that) and then Sears to get a tire none of the above had what he wanted. We went Outlet Shopping and went to Gap, Lindt, a shoestore all over/ Then we ate at his restaurant the Blue Mermaid. there was Derek and I and his brother Dan and then Bev and Bob friends of his family. we got so hooked up for desserts we had one of everything and i think they were discounted. some waitresses said goodbye to him and wished him luck. he said goodbye to the kitchen crew and as we left his chef banged on the window.
Then we went to Hampton Beach and acted drunk but we werent and saw Ed one of the RA people, totally out of his mind. we played skeeball and i got one 100 and a few 50 points. we saw the sand sculptures and just had a great walk and scenic drive. then we went to Buckhorns our truckstop and got fries and Dan got a sundae and coffee/ i bought Logans RUn finally and we watched that to top off the night.
We held eachother very close and then he put my hand on his face and i felt tears. then i started crying. we both cried very hard last night. i was glad to see some emotion to see he actually cared...and he whispered "I'll m iss you, the way you taste. the way you smell the way you feel (its not even a sexual thing) I'll miss when you get excited like about the cappaccino maker and scurry when you run."
But its real, it happened and its over. im very vunerable and i have to move on but not just yet. i packed as Mat was packing for Cape COd im here now. he also opened the window with a crowbar so we can get fresh air in the room. i hit massive traffic and took a wrong exit but made it back on 93.
im here..i'll go to the beach tommorow...to get my mind cleared and to heal. im unstable and i know i'll be ok but it will take adjusting...one day at a time.