Loss
**Warning, this blog will be extremely depressing...if you choose to read it, I pray you can because it will be the honest outlook I have on the tragedy that has unfolded before my eyes in the last weekend.**
Tragedy yes, last weekend was undoubtedly the most terrifying and horrific weekend of my life...My best friend, my sister, my confidante, right wing...etc...was killed at 5:00 am Sunday morning. I can't cry enough tears to make up for how lonely and how sad I have become...but the weekend itself wasn't all tragedy. Friday night, Emily and I spent the whole night together. She got wasted and so did I. We went to Jared and Katreasa's and she got her face written on. It was so funny. Oh she was pissed about the penis on her neck. The next day though, is a day I will treasure for the rest of my life. Saturday started off as usual, Josh and I "talking" in bed waiting for everyone else in the house to wake up. Then me sneaking over to Emily's room and snuggling up to her to smoke a bowl. We layed there and bullshitted for a while. Not ready to get up yet because we both had bad hangovers. But that was normal. That day we were supposed to go get furniture for our new house we were to move into at the end of the week. So on we went, Emily and I as usual. We drove down to Tillamook. It was such a beautiful day. We went and visited my momma for a while, and then off to my friend Adrienne's house. We sat and talked to Adrienne for at least 3 hours. We sat there and poured over a book of birthdays for ever reading eachother our birthdays to see if we had the positives and negatives in our personalities that were listed for each. When Adrienne had to leave Emily and I decided to carry out our tradition which was to go to Oceanside and walk on the beach through the tunnel and smoke a bowl. When we were through she and I took in the beautiful day and talked about how much fun we had planned for that night, and about Nicole's baby (our little peanut), and about how we'd be friends forever. No joke, all we did that day was talk about the future and reminice about the past, it all seemed to be leading up to the accident. On the way home my sister was with us and she asked us a question I'll never forget. She asked us what our theme songs were for our lives. I honestly couldn't come up with one, but Emily, almost immediately she said hers was "Redneck Woman". And I thought to myself at that very moment it was so true. When we got home, I went to sleep, and I wish I hadn't, because that was three more hours I could've spent with her. Later on, she and Dani came and woke me up and said get your ass up we partying!! I wasn't going to, and now I am so glad I did. I can't say anything about the party because the cops are trying to trow my boyfriend and another innocent person in jail. But I can say this, I know that Emily was so happy, she was having an awesome time. We danced, we drank, we listened to music real loud. She got asked to prom that night, and she got a kiss from the man of her dreams. She was so happy, the last thing she said to me that night was "Kari, I grew some balls." I was so proud of her. So proud. About that time Josh and I had walked away from the fire so I could tell him how much I loved him and how lucky I was that he chose me out of all the other girls. I told him I would be there for him no matter what happened. Thats when we went to sleep. Both of us...in the back seat of Emily's truck. Thats the last thing I remember until I hit my head. The sounds I heard I wil never ever forget...it was so loud...no one screamed though, not even me. I just ducked my head waiting for the end. I thought for sure I was going to die. But I didn't. The truck stopped moving and all I heard was silence...and believe that kind of silence is sickening. The first thing I did was get out of the pickup to see if everyone was all right. I couldn't find josh, so I instantly went to Emily. She was leaning out her door. I couldn't tell if she was breathing, so I tried to take her pulse, but I couldn't do it, because I was shaking so bad and I was afraid of what I already knew. I held her head in my hands and said Emily, Emily, over and over trying to get her to wake up. Then she made a noise. I swear it on my life, I heard her sigh. So I thought, she's okay, she's just knocked out. So I went to find Josh, praying he wasn't dead. I nearly tripped over him, he was laying on the ground behind the pickup...he wasn't moving and he wasn't making a sound. I thought he was dead. Then he started snoring...so I figured he must be all right. I didn't know where we were or what happened. I thought Dani was with us too, thank god she wasn't. Eventually someone came from down the road to help us...I was so scared...I told them to go get an ambulence...the ambulence didn't come for 45 fucking minutes. I begged them to take me with Josh and Emily...but they wouldn't...so on and on...I went to the hospital and as I told the paramedics I was completely fine...just a bump on the head and bruises. Josh and Emily weren't so fortunate...Emily died instantly from impact. Josh has a fractured pelvis and rib, dislocated shoulder, and a severe concussion. He should be home from the hospital now. I hope so. This whole thing has been so hard...and it just keeps getting worse. The pigs are trying to get Josh and Donald S. thrown in jail for contributing and possible involuntary manslaughter which is 7-14 years in prison...then Tegan...the love of Josh's life all of a sudden shows back up and now he is thinking about leaving me for her. He says he isn't but i am not stupid. It hurts so bad because I love him so much. I love everything about him. And now he is going to get taken away too. I hate my fucking life. I love it because I know Emily saved me for a reason, but I hate it because now my best friend is gone and the love I have become so accustomed to is being ripped away. I try to focus on the positive, but the negative always rears its ugly head. Why did this have to happen to Emily, Josh, and I? Why does she have to be the one that died. Someone with a heart and soul so beautiful that there is no diamond or pearl to match her brilliance. She was the older sister I never had and the role model that brought the best out in me. From going woods cruising to her teaching me how to hunt. I miss her voice and the long conversations we had. I miss the trust we had in one another and how we were always with eachother. God I pray I can go to heaven just so I can see her again. I promised her I wouldn't be sad if she died...but I can honestly say I have never been more sad and alone in my life. I loved her so much. So much...more than words can describe. She saved my life...she watched over Josh and I...thats the only reason that either one of us is still alive. She was the Saint and the Savior of myself and our friends, and she fulfilled her duty well. I must thank everyone who reads this for reading it and knowing the true story. Emily Cathleen Sohler fell asleep at the wheel, she did not drive drunk and lose control. She died peacefully and even though I rue that day I still am glad that I was with my best friend her last minutes on Earth. I look forward to seeing her again. Thank you Karianne Budge
Tragedy yes, last weekend was undoubtedly the most terrifying and horrific weekend of my life...My best friend, my sister, my confidante, right wing...etc...was killed at 5:00 am Sunday morning. I can't cry enough tears to make up for how lonely and how sad I have become...but the weekend itself wasn't all tragedy. Friday night, Emily and I spent the whole night together. She got wasted and so did I. We went to Jared and Katreasa's and she got her face written on. It was so funny. Oh she was pissed about the penis on her neck. The next day though, is a day I will treasure for the rest of my life. Saturday started off as usual, Josh and I "talking" in bed waiting for everyone else in the house to wake up. Then me sneaking over to Emily's room and snuggling up to her to smoke a bowl. We layed there and bullshitted for a while. Not ready to get up yet because we both had bad hangovers. But that was normal. That day we were supposed to go get furniture for our new house we were to move into at the end of the week. So on we went, Emily and I as usual. We drove down to Tillamook. It was such a beautiful day. We went and visited my momma for a while, and then off to my friend Adrienne's house. We sat and talked to Adrienne for at least 3 hours. We sat there and poured over a book of birthdays for ever reading eachother our birthdays to see if we had the positives and negatives in our personalities that were listed for each. When Adrienne had to leave Emily and I decided to carry out our tradition which was to go to Oceanside and walk on the beach through the tunnel and smoke a bowl. When we were through she and I took in the beautiful day and talked about how much fun we had planned for that night, and about Nicole's baby (our little peanut), and about how we'd be friends forever. No joke, all we did that day was talk about the future and reminice about the past, it all seemed to be leading up to the accident. On the way home my sister was with us and she asked us a question I'll never forget. She asked us what our theme songs were for our lives. I honestly couldn't come up with one, but Emily, almost immediately she said hers was "Redneck Woman". And I thought to myself at that very moment it was so true. When we got home, I went to sleep, and I wish I hadn't, because that was three more hours I could've spent with her. Later on, she and Dani came and woke me up and said get your ass up we partying!! I wasn't going to, and now I am so glad I did. I can't say anything about the party because the cops are trying to trow my boyfriend and another innocent person in jail. But I can say this, I know that Emily was so happy, she was having an awesome time. We danced, we drank, we listened to music real loud. She got asked to prom that night, and she got a kiss from the man of her dreams. She was so happy, the last thing she said to me that night was "Kari, I grew some balls." I was so proud of her. So proud. About that time Josh and I had walked away from the fire so I could tell him how much I loved him and how lucky I was that he chose me out of all the other girls. I told him I would be there for him no matter what happened. Thats when we went to sleep. Both of us...in the back seat of Emily's truck. Thats the last thing I remember until I hit my head. The sounds I heard I wil never ever forget...it was so loud...no one screamed though, not even me. I just ducked my head waiting for the end. I thought for sure I was going to die. But I didn't. The truck stopped moving and all I heard was silence...and believe that kind of silence is sickening. The first thing I did was get out of the pickup to see if everyone was all right. I couldn't find josh, so I instantly went to Emily. She was leaning out her door. I couldn't tell if she was breathing, so I tried to take her pulse, but I couldn't do it, because I was shaking so bad and I was afraid of what I already knew. I held her head in my hands and said Emily, Emily, over and over trying to get her to wake up. Then she made a noise. I swear it on my life, I heard her sigh. So I thought, she's okay, she's just knocked out. So I went to find Josh, praying he wasn't dead. I nearly tripped over him, he was laying on the ground behind the pickup...he wasn't moving and he wasn't making a sound. I thought he was dead. Then he started snoring...so I figured he must be all right. I didn't know where we were or what happened. I thought Dani was with us too, thank god she wasn't. Eventually someone came from down the road to help us...I was so scared...I told them to go get an ambulence...the ambulence didn't come for 45 fucking minutes. I begged them to take me with Josh and Emily...but they wouldn't...so on and on...I went to the hospital and as I told the paramedics I was completely fine...just a bump on the head and bruises. Josh and Emily weren't so fortunate...Emily died instantly from impact. Josh has a fractured pelvis and rib, dislocated shoulder, and a severe concussion. He should be home from the hospital now. I hope so. This whole thing has been so hard...and it just keeps getting worse. The pigs are trying to get Josh and Donald S. thrown in jail for contributing and possible involuntary manslaughter which is 7-14 years in prison...then Tegan...the love of Josh's life all of a sudden shows back up and now he is thinking about leaving me for her. He says he isn't but i am not stupid. It hurts so bad because I love him so much. I love everything about him. And now he is going to get taken away too. I hate my fucking life. I love it because I know Emily saved me for a reason, but I hate it because now my best friend is gone and the love I have become so accustomed to is being ripped away. I try to focus on the positive, but the negative always rears its ugly head. Why did this have to happen to Emily, Josh, and I? Why does she have to be the one that died. Someone with a heart and soul so beautiful that there is no diamond or pearl to match her brilliance. She was the older sister I never had and the role model that brought the best out in me. From going woods cruising to her teaching me how to hunt. I miss her voice and the long conversations we had. I miss the trust we had in one another and how we were always with eachother. God I pray I can go to heaven just so I can see her again. I promised her I wouldn't be sad if she died...but I can honestly say I have never been more sad and alone in my life. I loved her so much. So much...more than words can describe. She saved my life...she watched over Josh and I...thats the only reason that either one of us is still alive. She was the Saint and the Savior of myself and our friends, and she fulfilled her duty well. I must thank everyone who reads this for reading it and knowing the true story. Emily Cathleen Sohler fell asleep at the wheel, she did not drive drunk and lose control. She died peacefully and even though I rue that day I still am glad that I was with my best friend her last minutes on Earth. I look forward to seeing her again. Thank you Karianne Budge