(no subject)
for some reason the url of an old (ex?) friend's blog surfaced in my mind today, and so i went to read the blog. again - i feel really helpless. and i think again of how bad i am at coping with people in my life.
the moment they intimidate me / are cold towards me in any way, i am repelled all the way away from them.......i completely distance myself. the silly thing is that these people are usually people i find interesting / actually like. i just have no courage and strength to persevere. admittedly for some i have tried and given my best, but for many i gave up trying quickly because of fear. it is rather......sad?
i don't know how i find it in myself to completely stop saying hi to a person and to refuse to acknowledge them by even looking at them. and when they realize and begin to ignore me as well......it does hurt a little. i am very stupid in this way.
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