there's an angel by your hospital bed... desperate to hear his name on your breathe
Some random thoughts brought about by a nice 3 hour nap:
-I really really like Copeland. They write such beautiful music. However, I kind of feel like I should have a love/hate relationship with them because they NEVER play here.. but I guess that's not their fault.. or maybe it is? Either way I could sit in my room for hours and listen to them. Creepy right? I need to see them again soon so I can be the only kid singing along and they can look at me weird.
-Either I sleep a lot or I don't sleep at all. There is no in between. No common ground. I need to balance things out one day.
-One of my suitemates just left to go on a date. I want to go on a date.
-I haven't eaten anything all day. I simply don't have an appetite plus I'm just lazy. Sometimes I think I have an eating disorder but then I look at myself and realize "hey self you aren't skinny by any means" .. on the opposite side of things some anonymous person on afterdarkevents.com called me fat today. And even though I'm sure that person has no idea who I am or they are in fact fatter then I am.. it still offended me. I let personal blows offend me a lot. I hate myself for that. I'm really insecure.
-I drink a lot. One day I will be in the Betty Ford Clinic. Somer too, at least I'll be in good company. It's good that we can admit that we have a problem.
-I decided that I have a lot of personality flaws and just flaws in general and maybe that's WHY some people don't like me (whyohwhy do I want everyone to like me.. but yet I don't give a fuck about many people?) and well.. why boys don't like me. I've been told I'm intimidating maybe that's some of the problem. I'm Jillie.. I'm an idiot. But I guess I don't carry myself like one? I like to think I'm a recluse. So really I should probably breakfast club it up for halloween.
-I had this really strange dream in one of my 2 drunken hour naps that occured this week. Basically, I was on tour. It wasn't clear as to which band I was working for.. I think it was like some super band of people I love because lots of people I love were there like the Race The Sun boys, Mark Rose, Mingus, Skully, Tom, Kyle Lewis, and Zach Davis. It's weird that three people I haven't seen in for-ever were in that mixture. But also Eric Tobin was there that's weirder. So was Ry Ry, Biggie, Smally, Punchy, Sparky, Joe, Joel, and Chris. So weird. Maybe it was some big festival? Because tons of kids I love were definitely there.. Somer, Jenny, Lindsey, Chrisy, Cassondra, Boardies, Tori (which is funny considering we haven't met yet), Alix, bunches of Buffalo kids and all these other folk. It was really weird. I just remember it being a lot of fun.. and this massive hotel party where twister, slipe n slide, and more did occur. ALSO.. Carrie and Melanie were there and we got in a super sketchy fight and I ended up in the hospital. And then I woke up.
-Somer just texted me and asked me if I wanted to go see "Saw" with her and Cody. Yeah, I have no money because I'm an alcoholic. Also, because I have no job. And this is why I never see anyone. Because unfortunately money makes the world go 'round although I'd like to think otherwise. Speaking of no money.. I want to go to Sweet Dude fest but I have no money so if sneaking in with Jenny B early doesn't work I'll sit at home again. Yes, sitting at home for the weekend. Yes!
-Wow, I'm being a negative nancy and feeling really horrible about things lately. Awesome.
I'm over this...
-I really really like Copeland. They write such beautiful music. However, I kind of feel like I should have a love/hate relationship with them because they NEVER play here.. but I guess that's not their fault.. or maybe it is? Either way I could sit in my room for hours and listen to them. Creepy right? I need to see them again soon so I can be the only kid singing along and they can look at me weird.
-Either I sleep a lot or I don't sleep at all. There is no in between. No common ground. I need to balance things out one day.
-One of my suitemates just left to go on a date. I want to go on a date.
-I haven't eaten anything all day. I simply don't have an appetite plus I'm just lazy. Sometimes I think I have an eating disorder but then I look at myself and realize "hey self you aren't skinny by any means" .. on the opposite side of things some anonymous person on afterdarkevents.com called me fat today. And even though I'm sure that person has no idea who I am or they are in fact fatter then I am.. it still offended me. I let personal blows offend me a lot. I hate myself for that. I'm really insecure.
-I drink a lot. One day I will be in the Betty Ford Clinic. Somer too, at least I'll be in good company. It's good that we can admit that we have a problem.
-I decided that I have a lot of personality flaws and just flaws in general and maybe that's WHY some people don't like me (whyohwhy do I want everyone to like me.. but yet I don't give a fuck about many people?) and well.. why boys don't like me. I've been told I'm intimidating maybe that's some of the problem. I'm Jillie.. I'm an idiot. But I guess I don't carry myself like one? I like to think I'm a recluse. So really I should probably breakfast club it up for halloween.
-I had this really strange dream in one of my 2 drunken hour naps that occured this week. Basically, I was on tour. It wasn't clear as to which band I was working for.. I think it was like some super band of people I love because lots of people I love were there like the Race The Sun boys, Mark Rose, Mingus, Skully, Tom, Kyle Lewis, and Zach Davis. It's weird that three people I haven't seen in for-ever were in that mixture. But also Eric Tobin was there that's weirder. So was Ry Ry, Biggie, Smally, Punchy, Sparky, Joe, Joel, and Chris. So weird. Maybe it was some big festival? Because tons of kids I love were definitely there.. Somer, Jenny, Lindsey, Chrisy, Cassondra, Boardies, Tori (which is funny considering we haven't met yet), Alix, bunches of Buffalo kids and all these other folk. It was really weird. I just remember it being a lot of fun.. and this massive hotel party where twister, slipe n slide, and more did occur. ALSO.. Carrie and Melanie were there and we got in a super sketchy fight and I ended up in the hospital. And then I woke up.
-Somer just texted me and asked me if I wanted to go see "Saw" with her and Cody. Yeah, I have no money because I'm an alcoholic. Also, because I have no job. And this is why I never see anyone. Because unfortunately money makes the world go 'round although I'd like to think otherwise. Speaking of no money.. I want to go to Sweet Dude fest but I have no money so if sneaking in with Jenny B early doesn't work I'll sit at home again. Yes, sitting at home for the weekend. Yes!
-Wow, I'm being a negative nancy and feeling really horrible about things lately. Awesome.
I'm over this...