i know you'll be better off without me when i'm gone. .
so, another Thanksgiving gone by and you'd think by now i'd be used to not having my father around. but i'm not sure it's something i want to get use to. i wish things would have been different, and my father would have thought about things like this, and made sure he had a place for his kids to visit on the holidays, or even on a night where i just want to see him again. i'm just not up for going to a place where it's him and his girlfriend and her two kids. i think i might be jealous of the fact that he's there for them now, and not me or my brother. it really just plain hurts that i'm never even given the option of spending any holidays with him. i know he feels bad about it, but i can't forgive that when he hasn't even tried to make an effort to fix it.
i just wish a lot of shit was different.
i'm having a really hard time with the holidays this year.... for so many reasons.
hope everyone had a good one though..
i could be leaving a little later (like, a couple days later, not months..) than planned as well for california. depending on a family situation, but that's not something i am completely worried about. a couple more days with my family is something i can never pass up anymore.
in other news,
i am really suprising myself at work how well i am doing. in all honesty it was just another way to make money and i didn't care about it. but now i am having fun, which is something i've never said i've had at work before. but working with a certain few also help a lot. i'm kind of sad that i have to give it all up so soon.
and so, my schedule for this week;
Tomorrow: 8am-5pm.
Sunday: OFF.
Monday: 8:30am-3pm.
Tuesday: OFF.
Wednesday: 8:30am-6pm.
Thursday: 8am-3pm.
Friday: 8:30am-5pm.
hah, basically shoot me... but only about the getting up at 6am every day part.
i still just dont feel whole.. like, i should. and want. i still feel broken. i want to smile, and have it have some meaning behind it. i smile because i'm supposed to, not because i want to. i don't remember the last time i smiled and had that genuine feeling inside after. and i still feel like.. .. like i don't even want to get into this topic. hah.
okay, pointless.. bye.
i just wish a lot of shit was different.
i'm having a really hard time with the holidays this year.... for so many reasons.
hope everyone had a good one though..
i could be leaving a little later (like, a couple days later, not months..) than planned as well for california. depending on a family situation, but that's not something i am completely worried about. a couple more days with my family is something i can never pass up anymore.
in other news,
i am really suprising myself at work how well i am doing. in all honesty it was just another way to make money and i didn't care about it. but now i am having fun, which is something i've never said i've had at work before. but working with a certain few also help a lot. i'm kind of sad that i have to give it all up so soon.
and so, my schedule for this week;
Tomorrow: 8am-5pm.
Sunday: OFF.
Monday: 8:30am-3pm.
Tuesday: OFF.
Wednesday: 8:30am-6pm.
Thursday: 8am-3pm.
Friday: 8:30am-5pm.
hah, basically shoot me... but only about the getting up at 6am every day part.
i still just dont feel whole.. like, i should. and want. i still feel broken. i want to smile, and have it have some meaning behind it. i smile because i'm supposed to, not because i want to. i don't remember the last time i smiled and had that genuine feeling inside after. and i still feel like.. .. like i don't even want to get into this topic. hah.
okay, pointless.. bye.