i dont know what to do

[cry_as_i_cut]

my end is getting closer and closer and now im here but when will i do it what is the point any more the only thing i have is leah and i dont know how much longer i will have her she is liking me less and less and i die a little more and more soon i will be gone and out of every ones life and it wont matter any more

Comments

and my breath fades away

[angelicletdown3]

i've been dreading seeing these pictures all week..i kinda figured that was part of the reason you didn't want me to get online...a couple of people who had seen it told me about it and told me not to look at it. i can't even tell you what i feel when i look at those pictures. it's indescribable. It's like i can't breath and my heart has been crushed by and 18-wheeler. I've been looking at this picture for what seems like an eternity. All i can do is look at it and tears roll down my face, i can't move, i can't talk, i can't do anything. When we first went out he was still doing this shit and wore all those wrist bands in a sorry attempt to cover it up. Then we made rules and this and drugs went away. But its still there. I know it is. I see it in him ever time i see him. He wants it and i know he does and that just rips my heart in two. I can't see him like that. I couldn't take it. I made a joke the last time i saw his cuts in an attempt to hide my tears. I know whenever i've cut it affects him. But it affects me more when he does, of course im not gonna say anything to him. It wouldn't help any. It would just make things worse and it harder on me (us) to handle. Its so much easier to just pretend its not there...it doesn't exist....its not possible...right?....if only you could keep dreaming. I can't stop crying when i talk about things like that. I cry a lot..things upset me rather easily. I've never taking things well and believe me i've had a lot to handle in my day. I guess thats why i react the way i do..i don't know how to react. You sit there and look at the picture as if its not real. The blood almost looks fake. But its not. People will sit there and make fun of things like this..and thats fine you do what you want..but i bet you wouldn't feel the same if it was someone you knew, someone you loved, maybe even you. People get older. Times change. Things almost never stay the same. Memories never die, they prefer to haunt you. Memories never die...