...stupidity...
i've come the realization that i do the stupidest things when im feeling low, lonely, or depressed.
this school year has been so stressful.
parents nagging, overwhelming activities, death, heartache, drugs, homesicknes, cutting, loss, all this stupid shit that no one should deal with.
i started doing drugs again...weed, cigarettes, nothing else, but you know. it still fucks me over so much. its my vent now instead of writing down what i feel. i know its not the smartest way out, but its the only way right now.
hopefully when i get out to MD next month, things will be much better. i'm so sick and tried of Utah. people here just piss me off.
im so sick of myself though. i hate it. im wasting away. barely eating, smoking a lot, over excersizing it sucks. ive passed out way too many times for my own good.
yesterday i dont know why...but i did. i guess its because im lonely. (no im not talking about drugs) but, i dont know why. it felt good (no not sex either...or cutting). then afterwards, i feel like a slut just for going through with it. so stupid...fuck...
im not cutting anymore which in my opinion is a very good thing. austin and i have a promise that if i cut, he can cut, and vice versa. luckily neither of us has broken this, because for the last few weeks ive really felt like...not being here...
em( )ki$$,
~*Diana*~
this school year has been so stressful.
parents nagging, overwhelming activities, death, heartache, drugs, homesicknes, cutting, loss, all this stupid shit that no one should deal with.
i started doing drugs again...weed, cigarettes, nothing else, but you know. it still fucks me over so much. its my vent now instead of writing down what i feel. i know its not the smartest way out, but its the only way right now.
hopefully when i get out to MD next month, things will be much better. i'm so sick and tried of Utah. people here just piss me off.
im so sick of myself though. i hate it. im wasting away. barely eating, smoking a lot, over excersizing it sucks. ive passed out way too many times for my own good.
yesterday i dont know why...but i did. i guess its because im lonely. (no im not talking about drugs) but, i dont know why. it felt good (no not sex either...or cutting). then afterwards, i feel like a slut just for going through with it. so stupid...fuck...
im not cutting anymore which in my opinion is a very good thing. austin and i have a promise that if i cut, he can cut, and vice versa. luckily neither of us has broken this, because for the last few weeks ive really felt like...not being here...
em( )ki$$,
~*Diana*~