more misery
*****SAME AS XANGA*****
today was just wrong. wrong in so many senses that it was just that. just when my life starts to turn into something i love and dont want to end, it turns around and completely slaps me in the face like the bitch that it is.
i stayed home from most of school because i woke up sick. major headache and my stomach just felt way worse. i got dizzy on the way to the bathroom, threw up, then was like "hell, i'm not going to school." so i stayed home. bad idea.
i wake up about 4hours later to my mom and dad arguing. (wow...this happens every SINGLE DAY when i'm home in the mornings.) so like my dad took my mom to the doctors and for some weird reason my mom totally flipped out. my dad calls me from the doctors and basically tells me that they're getting a divorce. that the marriage isnt going to work and that i'm going to have to choose who i want to stay with.
That made me really sick.
I started crying really hard and really loud. I started vomiting and just not being able to focus on anything. i cried for like two hours.
i though about god and why i deserve this. he'd already done this to me once before when i was little. i just didnt want it to happen again. not like this. i mean if he hated me so much why not punish me some other way. not with divorce...not with a broken home and broken family...again. he already took it from me once. why another time? it's just not fair.
i talked to david because he called me during lunch. i just cried my eyes out on the phone. i know i wouldve called aj, but, no cell phones at wootton during school. so i just cried to david for half an hour. he offered to come over and comfort me...i said no...i didnt want him in trouble or for his dad to hate me more.
he tried to tell me that life would get better for me eventually...it made me cry more because. i. dont. believe. it.
i couldnt stay at home anymore. i needed someone, just anyone. i called my dad and told him to come get me and take me to school. he did.
i showed up for like the last twenty minutes of the school day. mrs lawerence just gave me a weird look when i walked into her class so late. my eyes were bloodshot from crying and my face was red. i didnt care.
i talked to ambier for the time that i was there and just talked. there was nothing else to do. i couldnt focus on anything.
i called david on my cell and just let it ring a few times to let him know that i was at school.
it felt so wonderful just to see him walking towards me after class. i know this sounds corny, but when i had his arms around me...i just felt a whole lot better. like the whole ordeal before didnt happen. i knew it did because i was still thinking about it subconsciously. i just felt amazing being with him. he worries about me too much. i dont really like that because it makes him sad...i love him though. he always tries to tell me that in a few months everything will be better. i hope it will be....
i stayed after with him and the rest of the people who just dont go home after school. i love those people. their randomness just makes everything awesome.
went to the Carls with people and then walked to the mall. it was awesome. just being with friends makes me feel so much better.
i guess my parents are going to work this out now. i hope... i wouldnt be able to take it again.
* Acoustic #3*
They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
Cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway
They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
Cause the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
You're not listening anyway
today was just wrong. wrong in so many senses that it was just that. just when my life starts to turn into something i love and dont want to end, it turns around and completely slaps me in the face like the bitch that it is.
i stayed home from most of school because i woke up sick. major headache and my stomach just felt way worse. i got dizzy on the way to the bathroom, threw up, then was like "hell, i'm not going to school." so i stayed home. bad idea.
i wake up about 4hours later to my mom and dad arguing. (wow...this happens every SINGLE DAY when i'm home in the mornings.) so like my dad took my mom to the doctors and for some weird reason my mom totally flipped out. my dad calls me from the doctors and basically tells me that they're getting a divorce. that the marriage isnt going to work and that i'm going to have to choose who i want to stay with.
That made me really sick.
I started crying really hard and really loud. I started vomiting and just not being able to focus on anything. i cried for like two hours.
i though about god and why i deserve this. he'd already done this to me once before when i was little. i just didnt want it to happen again. not like this. i mean if he hated me so much why not punish me some other way. not with divorce...not with a broken home and broken family...again. he already took it from me once. why another time? it's just not fair.
i talked to david because he called me during lunch. i just cried my eyes out on the phone. i know i wouldve called aj, but, no cell phones at wootton during school. so i just cried to david for half an hour. he offered to come over and comfort me...i said no...i didnt want him in trouble or for his dad to hate me more.
he tried to tell me that life would get better for me eventually...it made me cry more because. i. dont. believe. it.
i couldnt stay at home anymore. i needed someone, just anyone. i called my dad and told him to come get me and take me to school. he did.
i showed up for like the last twenty minutes of the school day. mrs lawerence just gave me a weird look when i walked into her class so late. my eyes were bloodshot from crying and my face was red. i didnt care.
i talked to ambier for the time that i was there and just talked. there was nothing else to do. i couldnt focus on anything.
i called david on my cell and just let it ring a few times to let him know that i was at school.
it felt so wonderful just to see him walking towards me after class. i know this sounds corny, but when i had his arms around me...i just felt a whole lot better. like the whole ordeal before didnt happen. i knew it did because i was still thinking about it subconsciously. i just felt amazing being with him. he worries about me too much. i dont really like that because it makes him sad...i love him though. he always tries to tell me that in a few months everything will be better. i hope it will be....
i stayed after with him and the rest of the people who just dont go home after school. i love those people. their randomness just makes everything awesome.
went to the Carls with people and then walked to the mall. it was awesome. just being with friends makes me feel so much better.
i guess my parents are going to work this out now. i hope... i wouldnt be able to take it again.
* Acoustic #3*
They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
Cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway
They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
Cause the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
You're not listening anyway