i dreamed of this so long..
this used to feel so strong. now, i wish, wish these thoughts would go away. i hope i dream of you, cause it's taking my life away.
i have become so taken by emotions these past few days. i have no idea what is wrong with me. i think i just feel that things aren't the way that i'd like them to be! that kills me. shew. yesterday, at my grandmother's house, my cousins and i were talking about relationships and stuff. alex asked me if i was still with the guy i was last year. it took a second for it to register that they were talking about derek. i guess that was the first thought that came to mind. yes, derek made me happy. he really did. i miss that happiness, but i guess that's just how things go. i'm not trying to dwell on the past, i just realize that simple things used to make me much happier.
yes, i have the best friends that i could ever ask for, but they can't provide me with all the happiness that i need to get by. i mean, i'd love it if they could, really, i would. but they can't.
i don't know if i'm exactly ready to settle down with someone. just sick and tired of the same ol routine.
what is the point is all this? why do i even bother writing this? i guess, like whitney, ii've always been a girl to know what she wants, and no i'm completely dumbfounded. i mean, completely. i know what i'd like to have, but that's different than knowing what you want.
so, i think for a while, i'm just gonna take myself back to a time when i was happy. i guess i need to analyze everything that's been going on lately. try to figure myself out. and then figure out what the hell is going on around me.
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thanksgiving just wasn't the same this year. i hate to say that too. clay wasn't here which completely broke tradition. sis wasn't here. damn that job of hers. it was a weird situation. we didn't eat til almost 5 and by that time by head was bustin and i didn't wanna eat. went to see 'the cat in the hat', wouldn't recommend it, at all. not even for little kids. it was odd.i dunno yesterday just kinda sucked all in all. so..
ok, i'm done. i'm on this random high, and i can't bring myself down. i hate this. i hate it all.
this is not friends only...don't make me regret making this public.
i have become so taken by emotions these past few days. i have no idea what is wrong with me. i think i just feel that things aren't the way that i'd like them to be! that kills me. shew. yesterday, at my grandmother's house, my cousins and i were talking about relationships and stuff. alex asked me if i was still with the guy i was last year. it took a second for it to register that they were talking about derek. i guess that was the first thought that came to mind. yes, derek made me happy. he really did. i miss that happiness, but i guess that's just how things go. i'm not trying to dwell on the past, i just realize that simple things used to make me much happier.
yes, i have the best friends that i could ever ask for, but they can't provide me with all the happiness that i need to get by. i mean, i'd love it if they could, really, i would. but they can't.
i don't know if i'm exactly ready to settle down with someone. just sick and tired of the same ol routine.
what is the point is all this? why do i even bother writing this? i guess, like whitney, ii've always been a girl to know what she wants, and no i'm completely dumbfounded. i mean, completely. i know what i'd like to have, but that's different than knowing what you want.
so, i think for a while, i'm just gonna take myself back to a time when i was happy. i guess i need to analyze everything that's been going on lately. try to figure myself out. and then figure out what the hell is going on around me.
--------------------
thanksgiving just wasn't the same this year. i hate to say that too. clay wasn't here which completely broke tradition. sis wasn't here. damn that job of hers. it was a weird situation. we didn't eat til almost 5 and by that time by head was bustin and i didn't wanna eat. went to see 'the cat in the hat', wouldn't recommend it, at all. not even for little kids. it was odd.i dunno yesterday just kinda sucked all in all. so..
ok, i'm done. i'm on this random high, and i can't bring myself down. i hate this. i hate it all.
this is not friends only...don't make me regret making this public.