I suck

[crustyrobin]

Unable to respond to personal e-mails...I'm confused about some things in my life. I feel myself becoming more and more alone and no one cares. I know this isn't fully true, but I can't help but feel this way. My "best friend" chooses to hurt me every day, she continues to lie to me and I have no way to confront her about it because I stumbled across something I shouldn't have and feel dirty for doing so, not because I was trying to spy or looking for it but rather circumstance led to me reading something I don't feel was within my rights to read. And now she lies to my face about it, everytime I bring up the situation, she lies. I understand why to some extent, telling me the truth would be hurtful if I didn't already know the truth. But I'll continue to let her lie, partially because I'm a masocist and need to feel hurt by her, need to feel like the better person at this point, anything to not make me feel like total and complete shit. But also, I need to know if she will ever fess up or is she really okay with being dishonest with me forever. Perhaps I should find new friends...unfortunatly I can't seem to keep any new friends or make new ones at all...

This entry is so vague, I doubt anyone will understand, but I needed to pour it out somewhere...sorry everyone.