PAIN IN THE BRAIN
And i have to express my confused state of mind so hopefully i can sleep ! ah HE is back! no one cared to inform me! please next time people if you know important information please take the time to let the this kid know! but the shock of it killed me! but yea anyways after RUNNING into him on saturday while he was too drunk to talk...or so he says...he decided to call tonight to somewhat say "sorry" i guess...hrm kinda thort it would be for a dif reason cos he has been saying "sorry" for 8 months now and it hasnt made anything better so what what what????why why why??!??!?!?!i understand he must feel terrible but sorry once is enough twice is too much but uncountable times aaaaaaaaah....i want to escape now..now..now...ah...my brain is going to explode....i dont know how i feel.. there is pain in teh brain...i think i am frustrated and confused...but i dont know what i am confused about...i think i am confused about how i should feel about him being back and going to shows again...i felt so free when he left...i could do what i wanted..go where i wanted now i have to be careful...he offered not to go to shows...but that would be mean of me...ah i never thort i could feel so hrm smothered...now i know how you felt kathleen but your problem was 100 times worse...mine isnt even a problem its just me 8 months on still hurt...cant forgive...break my heart rip it appart then beg for me back who the fuck do you think you are.....who the fuck do i think i am...i think i just need to get out of this town...soon...he is not coming on the boat i asked him not to...i think he understands so yea if someone talks to him make sure he understands that it just wouldnt work...for his sake!
i think i am just over reacting about this all...but feelings and emotions are an issue here and i dont think you can over react when these two are involed at such an intense level....i am dribbling shit...i like shit..i just dont like this shit....but i am sure he is worse off than me cos i have had time in this place to deal wtih it he has been away left his problems and come back to what he thinks is still an issue that i thort i was over...but indeed i was wrong..i dont have feelings for him anymore...he ripped them out of me...but i feel hurt still...is this strange...i think my brain is having a melt down...is this possible ooooh yes me thinks so...brain dribblingo ut the ear! hrm...i think it is too late for me might go off to bed now!!!!
i think i am just over reacting about this all...but feelings and emotions are an issue here and i dont think you can over react when these two are involed at such an intense level....i am dribbling shit...i like shit..i just dont like this shit....but i am sure he is worse off than me cos i have had time in this place to deal wtih it he has been away left his problems and come back to what he thinks is still an issue that i thort i was over...but indeed i was wrong..i dont have feelings for him anymore...he ripped them out of me...but i feel hurt still...is this strange...i think my brain is having a melt down...is this possible ooooh yes me thinks so...brain dribblingo ut the ear! hrm...i think it is too late for me might go off to bed now!!!!