♋ PCG 8

[crusthatecean]

[Audio Hook]

[This is hardly the only phone call of its type Mayfield will hear today, but when Karkat's voice comes over the phone, he definitely doesn't sound all right. He sounds shaky and terrified, in fact, and his words lack most of the usual angry edge he gives them.]Oh shit. Okay. Hi

Comments

voice;

[cueballer]

Death normally fixes it, Mr. Vantas.

And, I'm a doctor.

[A Scratch doctor. But, who cares for specifics really?]

[crusthatecean]

Fuck you!

I'm not looking for a cryptic piece of shit who regularly places highly in World's Most Self Important But Ultimately Useless Douchebag Competitions and who I wouldn't trust if my fucking life depended on it.

I'm looking for a fucking actual doctor who fucking actually helps people!

[cueballer]

What? I'm being very honest about it. Death is the best solution, but if you don't prefer it I'll be glad to suggest something else.

...And for the record, I can be very helpful.

[crusthatecean]

Fine. Be helpful, then.

Pretend I'm not actually considering just letting him die because you think that's somehow a good solution. What's the second best solution we're working with, asshole?

[cueballer]

The second best solution is to work around whatever caused the friend to become murderous and psychopathic to begin with. From what you're telling me, I will make an educated guess that the town is causing this. Mayfield normally engages in this sort of silliness, but usually they leave some room to stop it.

Second educated guess - it has something to do with the Milkman becoming the new Police Chief of Mayfield. Given that the Mayor's announcement was followed up by this, it only makes sense. There were also signs around town, saying how "drinking milk is the law" despite the classic "don't drink the milk" being a sort of slogan for this town. Earth laws are different than what you are accustomed to, but when laws are broken there are normally consequences to them. You follow my cues, right?

...Of course, these are all just educated guesses and deductions. Whatever is causing your 'friend' to become murderous, it has something to do with the Milkman. [He can't know much for sure without his omniscience at work, but making logical

[crusthatecean]

You're saying this is all because we didn't drink any of that awful stuff. That sounds completely whirling off the edge shithive, but I'll believe it.

But even if that might be the key to helping someone else, and believe me, I'll get around to it, that's not going to solve my current problem which requires some emergency medical aid and not a bunch of stupid conjecture.

[cueballer]

I could help you with that too to some varying degree, but that would require me to know the address of your human home.

[Are you gonna give him it, Karkat?

Wanna trust your buddy Scratch????]

[crusthatecean]

I'm not there right now, asshole. There's a shithive broad rolling people over with garden shears there, I think I'll stay away for a while.

Do you want where I am now?

[cueballer]

That will do. At your earliest chance, you should find a way back to that human house. Drinking that milk could just stop your friend from killing you.

[crusthatecean]

Okay, well, first, fix this situation I'm in or fuck it up worse or whatever you're going to do.

[And he'll give Scratch the address for the empty house they're hiding out in.]

[cueballer]

Right then. Give me a few short moments. I will see you soon.

[He hangs up and grabs a briefcase he found in the closet. As soon as he does that, he'll make a quick stop at the hospital with his teleporting and grab any necessary supplies. Bandage wraps, pain relievers, the works. He doesn't exactly know much about first aid, but how hard should it be to fix a human body?

Not soon after, he'll appear in the empty house Karkat gave him the address of. In the house, as in literally inside of it. No time to knock, when he's been already given permission to enter.]

[crusthatecean]

[Scratch will find Karkat inside the living room, sitting next to a human teenager wearing clown make-up who is lying on the ground. There's blood all over Karkat's shirt, although he himself isn't injured.]

Hey. You actually showed up, who knew?

[Gamzee, however, is already dead.]

[cueballer]

Indeed.

[And it's not hard for Scratch to tell Gamzee is dead, or that it's Gamzee to begin with. He's killed enough humans during the Population Control to see full well when one has expired.]

How ironic. The 'curse' continues on and here you are, weeping at the death of someone who was plotting to murder you and anyone who wasn't already dead. The tenacity is admirable.

[Because really, he's shocked that Karkat hasn't given up on himself completely. Not that Scratch would very well let him.]

[crusthatecean]

You're right, I never considered the irony of the situation. That's hilarious.

[He picks himself up off the ground; he has things to do and he's not going to do this in front of this douchebag.]

Have I mentioned that I really fucking hate you?

[cueballer]

Have I mentioned that I really don't care for your opinions?

[He'll open the briefcase and slowly empty out the medical supplies.]

Here. This will likely persist for the next week as usual, so medical supplies will be necessary. It will save you the trouble of going on the phone.

[crusthatecean]

Thanks. Thanks for your fucking help. Now I know just who to call in a crisis.

[But the shitty medical supplies probably will come on handy, so he'll take them.]

Anyway, I'm going to go drink some milk and probably die. So see you around, I guess.