i'll miss railing pills with you in the park...
i think my love for lucas gets stronger and stronger every day and even though earlier i was really angry with him and crying like a baby, i still love him and i think that we can overcome most of the things that would cause us to argue. and i love him so much and i hate being mad at him but i have to stand guard on what i believe is right and wrong and what i think is good for him and fucking horrible for him and i just want to be with him until we completely grow apaart and look back on my teen years and realize all the wonderful things hes done for me if i can't think of them now. and i want to feel like i impacted him in a positve way because he is the only person i have ever felt this way about and i really don't see that changing anytime soon and thats how i think life should be and i love him.
i've been thinking about the bipolar diagnosis i was given four years ago, and i'm really not wanting to admit it but i think i might have some sort of chemical imbalance. i've been sooo depressed for the last six months but i think i've been coping better than before and my life seems more stable. one of the things that makes me feel better is going to shows and helping put on shows. eating healthy and having sex with lucas, or really, just being intimate with him really makes me feel better. there are things that do make me feel worse, though. i hate staying home all day, and not getting out of bed. nobody ever really asks me to hangout, anymore and that makes me sad. since buck died, i rarely see my best friend, charise and that makes me sad but i think we have everything out in the open but shes just busy getting her life on track. being too b usy makes me feel like shit, too.
i guess, i'd like to say i've come along way and i'm really glad i met lucas last year and he showed me happiness and just changed my life. i hope i can help him.
i'm proud of myself.
i've been thinking about the bipolar diagnosis i was given four years ago, and i'm really not wanting to admit it but i think i might have some sort of chemical imbalance. i've been sooo depressed for the last six months but i think i've been coping better than before and my life seems more stable. one of the things that makes me feel better is going to shows and helping put on shows. eating healthy and having sex with lucas, or really, just being intimate with him really makes me feel better. there are things that do make me feel worse, though. i hate staying home all day, and not getting out of bed. nobody ever really asks me to hangout, anymore and that makes me sad. since buck died, i rarely see my best friend, charise and that makes me sad but i think we have everything out in the open but shes just busy getting her life on track. being too b usy makes me feel like shit, too.
i guess, i'd like to say i've come along way and i'm really glad i met lucas last year and he showed me happiness and just changed my life. i hope i can help him.
i'm proud of myself.