Electorate 098
Contains: discussion of suicide.
SCENE: Atkins-Grimshaw house, Lindsay.
Colin lets himself in and walks to the lounge room, looking a bit distraught. Anna gets up from the lounge where Tim and she were sitting.
Anna: "Hey."
Colin: "Hey."
She leads Colin to her room, where Claire is in her cot, sleeping, and closes the door behind her.
Anna: "You okay?"
Colin: "She's down there being... rotting, and being eaten by... which is, seriously, the most stupid thing in the entire - how is that even possible? And it's cold and - and dark, and she shouldn't be down there."
Anna makes a sympathetic noise and pulls him into a hug.
Colin: "I feel like if I just, I don't know. I wanted to dig her up right then with my bare hands and then she'd be okay, because that - that isn't illogical at all."
Anna: "It's internally consistent, sort of. I mean, she's dead when she goes in, surely she'll be alive if she comes out."
Colin: "Yeah."
Colin pulls away, rubbing his face.
Colin: "If I did that... I mean, that's horrific, right?"
Anna: "Yeah."
Colin: "Normal people don't think this kind of shit."
Anna: "Normal people think whatever the fuck they like."
Anna smiles.
Anna: "If you start seriously considering it as an option, tell me, but otherwise I think you're probably okay."
Colin: "Is that your professional opinion?"
Anna: "Basically."
Colin sighs and stares at his hands.
Colin: "I don't want to go back there."
Anna: "You don't have to go back. You don't have to do anything."
Colin: "If I don't, I feel like I'm letting her down or something. Like she'll be lonely."
Anna: "She's got a whole graveyard of people to hang out with."
Colin: "She doesn't know any of them."
Colin rubs his eyes.
Colin: "And I don't want to go back, and even if I did I've moved ages away so I can't even see her."
Anna: "You have no reason to feel guilty."
Colin raises an eyebrow. Anna smiles at him sadly.
Colin: "What if she wanted me to be there and I wasn't and now she hates me?"
Anna: "Colin..."
Colin: "I could have stopped her."
Anna sighs.
Anna: "You really couldn't have."
Colin: "I should have been there."
Anna: "She would have found another time. She would have made another time happen."
Colin: "You're wrong."
Anna: "Listen to me. There is nothing you could have done. If you'd found her then, she just would have found a better time, gone somewhere else, used something else, whatever. She just would have tried again. That is not your fault, okay?"
Colin doesn't meet her eyes, but nods.
Anna: "Okay?"
Colin: "Okay."
She hugs him again.
Colin: "Fucking hell."
Anna: "I know."
Colin: "This is hard. This is really hard."
Anna: "I know. I don't think it'll get easier. Not really."
Colin: "Yeah, I didn't think it would."
After a while, she pulls away. Colin sighs.
Colin: "I miss her."
Anna: "I miss her, too."
Colin: "Thanks."
Anna: "I'll say it again. I've got no problem taping myself saying it and then gluing earphones to your head so you hear it twenty-four-seven, if it comes to that."
Colin: "Oh, good."
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SCENE: Atkins-Grimshaw house, Lindsay.
Colin lets himself in and walks to the lounge room, looking a bit distraught. Anna gets up from the lounge where Tim and she were sitting.
Anna: "Hey."
Colin: "Hey."
She leads Colin to her room, where Claire is in her cot, sleeping, and closes the door behind her.
Anna: "You okay?"
Colin: "She's down there being... rotting, and being eaten by... which is, seriously, the most stupid thing in the entire - how is that even possible? And it's cold and - and dark, and she shouldn't be down there."
Anna makes a sympathetic noise and pulls him into a hug.
Colin: "I feel like if I just, I don't know. I wanted to dig her up right then with my bare hands and then she'd be okay, because that - that isn't illogical at all."
Anna: "It's internally consistent, sort of. I mean, she's dead when she goes in, surely she'll be alive if she comes out."
Colin: "Yeah."
Colin pulls away, rubbing his face.
Colin: "If I did that... I mean, that's horrific, right?"
Anna: "Yeah."
Colin: "Normal people don't think this kind of shit."
Anna: "Normal people think whatever the fuck they like."
Anna smiles.
Anna: "If you start seriously considering it as an option, tell me, but otherwise I think you're probably okay."
Colin: "Is that your professional opinion?"
Anna: "Basically."
Colin sighs and stares at his hands.
Colin: "I don't want to go back there."
Anna: "You don't have to go back. You don't have to do anything."
Colin: "If I don't, I feel like I'm letting her down or something. Like she'll be lonely."
Anna: "She's got a whole graveyard of people to hang out with."
Colin: "She doesn't know any of them."
Colin rubs his eyes.
Colin: "And I don't want to go back, and even if I did I've moved ages away so I can't even see her."
Anna: "You have no reason to feel guilty."
Colin raises an eyebrow. Anna smiles at him sadly.
Colin: "What if she wanted me to be there and I wasn't and now she hates me?"
Anna: "Colin..."
Colin: "I could have stopped her."
Anna sighs.
Anna: "You really couldn't have."
Colin: "I should have been there."
Anna: "She would have found another time. She would have made another time happen."
Colin: "You're wrong."
Anna: "Listen to me. There is nothing you could have done. If you'd found her then, she just would have found a better time, gone somewhere else, used something else, whatever. She just would have tried again. That is not your fault, okay?"
Colin doesn't meet her eyes, but nods.
Anna: "Okay?"
Colin: "Okay."
She hugs him again.
Colin: "Fucking hell."
Anna: "I know."
Colin: "This is hard. This is really hard."
Anna: "I know. I don't think it'll get easier. Not really."
Colin: "Yeah, I didn't think it would."
After a while, she pulls away. Colin sighs.
Colin: "I miss her."
Anna: "I miss her, too."
Colin: "Thanks."
Anna: "I'll say it again. I've got no problem taping myself saying it and then gluing earphones to your head so you hear it twenty-four-seven, if it comes to that."
Colin: "Oh, good."
This entry is also posted here.