let's be honest here..
i will probably not be friends with any of you--okay, well, that's exaggerating; make that almost all of you--reading this after you/i/we graduate high school. it's incredibly sad and pessimistic, but i think it is the harsh truth.
it's never really hit me until this week. but it did, and it's not that these friendships seem petty, because they are fulfilling and i feel that some of you ARE true friends. but what about post-graduation? i can already see many of my once-considered-'close' friendships silently [or not so silently] fading away, or they have already faded away from last year. that, or the way people seem to work is that they will find one other person and that's it. no one else gets let in. at least nowhere NEAR that extent. they don't even have to be together, just friends, but only with each other. if not that, then people have completely hermited themselves away from everyone. it's one or the other. it's no longer the.. openness that i remember so fondly from freshman year. that's long gone.
i feel.. not 17. i don't think myself mature than anyone else, or grown-up in any means. i know i am just as stupid and senseless as anyone else. but i don't feel.. i don't know what word i want to use. it just seems that everyone has found their niche and are loving it, and i don't think i have found mine. the group in which i feel most comfortable in is with my brother and his friends, or around the guys [nick, adam and of course heath] from work.. the pattern here is that they are all 21+ years of age. what does that say about me when i don't feel very comfortable around the people in my own age group? it's not that i feel UNcomfortable.. it's just different, i suppose. i am not complaining about my friends; some of them are idiots sometimes and too dramatic for my taste, but i can't claim innocent to either of those things so who am i to talk. i just wish i had my niche.
i don't know why i am not only making this a public entry, but putting it into my away message for all those to read at will. i don't mean to come across as ungrateful, superior, or condescending in any way, but this year so far has had me feeling like kind of an outsider and in turn, made me keep things much more to myself.
and i also want to say that i hope some of you consider me a true friend and will hopefully keep contact with me in some way or another once you/i/we leave for college. sure, people grow up, move out, move on.. but i always told myself that the friendships i would have would be ones that stuck.
i'm up for a challenge, are you?
quote of the day
will is driving me home from work
me: i'm cutting my hair tomorrow, to here *points to shoulder*
will: you are not going to cut your hair; if you do, i will slit your wrists! *swerves car*
it's never really hit me until this week. but it did, and it's not that these friendships seem petty, because they are fulfilling and i feel that some of you ARE true friends. but what about post-graduation? i can already see many of my once-considered-'close' friendships silently [or not so silently] fading away, or they have already faded away from last year. that, or the way people seem to work is that they will find one other person and that's it. no one else gets let in. at least nowhere NEAR that extent. they don't even have to be together, just friends, but only with each other. if not that, then people have completely hermited themselves away from everyone. it's one or the other. it's no longer the.. openness that i remember so fondly from freshman year. that's long gone.
i feel.. not 17. i don't think myself mature than anyone else, or grown-up in any means. i know i am just as stupid and senseless as anyone else. but i don't feel.. i don't know what word i want to use. it just seems that everyone has found their niche and are loving it, and i don't think i have found mine. the group in which i feel most comfortable in is with my brother and his friends, or around the guys [nick, adam and of course heath] from work.. the pattern here is that they are all 21+ years of age. what does that say about me when i don't feel very comfortable around the people in my own age group? it's not that i feel UNcomfortable.. it's just different, i suppose. i am not complaining about my friends; some of them are idiots sometimes and too dramatic for my taste, but i can't claim innocent to either of those things so who am i to talk. i just wish i had my niche.
i don't know why i am not only making this a public entry, but putting it into my away message for all those to read at will. i don't mean to come across as ungrateful, superior, or condescending in any way, but this year so far has had me feeling like kind of an outsider and in turn, made me keep things much more to myself.
and i also want to say that i hope some of you consider me a true friend and will hopefully keep contact with me in some way or another once you/i/we leave for college. sure, people grow up, move out, move on.. but i always told myself that the friendships i would have would be ones that stuck.
i'm up for a challenge, are you?
quote of the day
will is driving me home from work
me: i'm cutting my hair tomorrow, to here *points to shoulder*
will: you are not going to cut your hair; if you do, i will slit your wrists! *swerves car*