Don't bother, angel
Venting time.. And I don't care who sees it anymore.
School sucks lately. I've been sick to my stomach, and so dizzy. I'm getting so paranoid. Its killing me. I always feel like people talking about me behind my back, and I find myself constantly looking over my shoulder. Maybe I'm just scared, and its finally kicking in that I'm in a complete new environment. I hope this passes so bad.
Some people are making me crazy. I want to rip my hair out. I got serverly emotionally hurt yesterday. My gosh it killed every inch of me. I wanted nothing more than to be able to run home and cry. Brian made me feel like the most unattractive, ugly person ever. He made me feel like I was worthless, that I had no feelings. He treats me like I'm an annoying pest. But when something goes wrong for him, I always seem to be there for him to talk to. I don't know how to fix my relationship with him anymore. He knows I care about him, yet he still makes me feel like nothing, like I don't count. After the fact, I told him about it. For the slightest second I thought he cared and was actually going to show some sympathy. Stupid me, who would of known that when he's "kidding" he "doesn't apologize" because it was "just a joke." Well, I always have to apologize to you when I make jokes about you, this one hurt alot, and you know it did, yet you can't find it in you to say sorry?
I'm so sensitive, and I'm sick of pretending I'm this tough girl who can't be hurt. I hate putting on fake smiles and give fake laughs. My self-confidence has gone down to a negative 93. I can't even look up when I'm walking anymore. I don't know why I'm so depressed lately. Its probably just some gay stage I'm going through where I think everything sucks. Until I figure this out, I'll just blame it on how lonely I feel. Don't get me wrong, my friends are great company. I love them to death, and I know very well they love me back. Its just not the same. I want someone who can pay me little compliments. Like, how I looked nice today or something. As me and Andy found out, that goes a long way, and it gets me so smiling. Thank-you so much.
My grades are slipping tremendously. I suppose that's my fault though. I think I have a C in science now, and a B- in Math. I'm not used to straight A's, but I'm also not used to actually getting straight A's and watching them decline so rapidly. I try, or at least, that's what I've convinced myself. A few weeks ago I loved school, now last period seems to last for a lifetime.
Hopefully everything will change soon. I'm looking forward to Saturday when I'll finally meet Andrew. He's, well, amazing. It should be fun, we're going to see White Noise with Jessica and whoever she decides to bring. I hope it will be as fun as I expect it to be.
Wow. That helped quite a bit.
School sucks lately. I've been sick to my stomach, and so dizzy. I'm getting so paranoid. Its killing me. I always feel like people talking about me behind my back, and I find myself constantly looking over my shoulder. Maybe I'm just scared, and its finally kicking in that I'm in a complete new environment. I hope this passes so bad.
Some people are making me crazy. I want to rip my hair out. I got serverly emotionally hurt yesterday. My gosh it killed every inch of me. I wanted nothing more than to be able to run home and cry. Brian made me feel like the most unattractive, ugly person ever. He made me feel like I was worthless, that I had no feelings. He treats me like I'm an annoying pest. But when something goes wrong for him, I always seem to be there for him to talk to. I don't know how to fix my relationship with him anymore. He knows I care about him, yet he still makes me feel like nothing, like I don't count. After the fact, I told him about it. For the slightest second I thought he cared and was actually going to show some sympathy. Stupid me, who would of known that when he's "kidding" he "doesn't apologize" because it was "just a joke." Well, I always have to apologize to you when I make jokes about you, this one hurt alot, and you know it did, yet you can't find it in you to say sorry?
I'm so sensitive, and I'm sick of pretending I'm this tough girl who can't be hurt. I hate putting on fake smiles and give fake laughs. My self-confidence has gone down to a negative 93. I can't even look up when I'm walking anymore. I don't know why I'm so depressed lately. Its probably just some gay stage I'm going through where I think everything sucks. Until I figure this out, I'll just blame it on how lonely I feel. Don't get me wrong, my friends are great company. I love them to death, and I know very well they love me back. Its just not the same. I want someone who can pay me little compliments. Like, how I looked nice today or something. As me and Andy found out, that goes a long way, and it gets me so smiling. Thank-you so much.
My grades are slipping tremendously. I suppose that's my fault though. I think I have a C in science now, and a B- in Math. I'm not used to straight A's, but I'm also not used to actually getting straight A's and watching them decline so rapidly. I try, or at least, that's what I've convinced myself. A few weeks ago I loved school, now last period seems to last for a lifetime.
Hopefully everything will change soon. I'm looking forward to Saturday when I'll finally meet Andrew. He's, well, amazing. It should be fun, we're going to see White Noise with Jessica and whoever she decides to bring. I hope it will be as fun as I expect it to be.
Wow. That helped quite a bit.