(no subject)
I hate life. theres no one out there for me. i sit alone in my dark room and watch tv or play video games. if i go out its with fiends and all they want to do is the same shit we always do. if i try and find a girl i can usually get a number but either they dont pick up or they dont call back. most of them seem nice but it never works. i think eventually i'll have to get out of florida and cut off everything i kno from my life. i kno i've made alot of mistakes with women. i had a chance with one or two but i fucked them up. now i'm either not as close to or not talking to them at all. i miss alot of them. i miss talking to liz. kristin was fun but after that ordeal we're not as close anymore which upsets me. jackie (not the one my friends from the other side of town know) was fun but that was only for about a week cause she was going home. zoe was great but i was too young to make the right decision. although this sounds bad, i cant really remember her name at present but she was controling too. although she was great. then there was suzanne. i miss her alot. we had a problem due to how i slepp and toss and turn so that ended. shitty reason but it happened. i need someone to hold now, but i fear that it may be sometime before that comes to pass. there are a few i could go after but their more of a physical desire for tactile contact and i'm looking for more than that right now. i just want to curl up in my sheets, fall asleep, and never wake up. i'm going to goto sleep now, maybe it will happen.... but sadly i know it wont happen and i'll wake up from my slumber and have to go through my day and still have to come home, with no one to call and take out or hold. *sigh*