[On The Couch] 1.4 - Daddy Issues
My father abandoned me when I was three...so yeah, I got daddy issues. Big ones. Epic ones. Daddy issues to last soap opera storylines for a century of bad daytime television.
I don’t remember much about the actual day...I was excited to be going to Grandpa’s house, but Daddy was upset about something. I didn’t know what, but I had a feeling I had something to do with it. Mommy was in Heaven, and he’d been sad since she’d left.
Grandpa and Daddy argued when we got there...I played in the living room. Daddy left...I cried. A lot.
Granddad was always honest with me about my father...even when I was small. Granted, he was pretty gentle with the truth... “Daddy loves you, baby girl, but he can’t take care of you right now. That’s why I’m helping him.”
For all that went down, I’d say I turned out pretty well...except for the fact that no one can love me. Maybe it’s bullshit, maybe it’s not...but I know Granddad’s the kind of guy that will always do the right thing. Looking after me...that was the right thing.
My own father didn’t love me enough to hold onto me...again, bullshit, but it’s not like I’m a neurotic mess over it. It’s...it’s truth in my head. Knowledge...this cold, constant absolute that’s in the marrow of my bones.
The sky is blue. Politicians are crooked. No one can love me...no one ever will.
I honestly think AJ is the only exception...Lord knows his father never was. No, Lucas only proved the point. But my son...he does love me. His love is unconditional and perfect...for now. But even as he grows, he’ll always love me, because his feelings will mirror mine. That’s how it is with kids, they give back what they get.
And I love AJ more than words...more than life. The love I never had...never will have...it lets me give my heart to my son completely. No child will ever be as welcome, wanted, and adored as my kid...I’ll make sure of it.
Muse: Rian Baxter
Fandom: Original Character
Words: 358
I don’t remember much about the actual day...I was excited to be going to Grandpa’s house, but Daddy was upset about something. I didn’t know what, but I had a feeling I had something to do with it. Mommy was in Heaven, and he’d been sad since she’d left.
Grandpa and Daddy argued when we got there...I played in the living room. Daddy left...I cried. A lot.
Granddad was always honest with me about my father...even when I was small. Granted, he was pretty gentle with the truth... “Daddy loves you, baby girl, but he can’t take care of you right now. That’s why I’m helping him.”
For all that went down, I’d say I turned out pretty well...except for the fact that no one can love me. Maybe it’s bullshit, maybe it’s not...but I know Granddad’s the kind of guy that will always do the right thing. Looking after me...that was the right thing.
My own father didn’t love me enough to hold onto me...again, bullshit, but it’s not like I’m a neurotic mess over it. It’s...it’s truth in my head. Knowledge...this cold, constant absolute that’s in the marrow of my bones.
The sky is blue. Politicians are crooked. No one can love me...no one ever will.
I honestly think AJ is the only exception...Lord knows his father never was. No, Lucas only proved the point. But my son...he does love me. His love is unconditional and perfect...for now. But even as he grows, he’ll always love me, because his feelings will mirror mine. That’s how it is with kids, they give back what they get.
And I love AJ more than words...more than life. The love I never had...never will have...it lets me give my heart to my son completely. No child will ever be as welcome, wanted, and adored as my kid...I’ll make sure of it.
Muse: Rian Baxter
Fandom: Original Character
Words: 358