there's a land that I've heard of...
My dear husband, bless his heart, has broken into my livejournal account. He had a bad feeling I'd posted something to do with an idea he'd had, and he was right.
I did post it, though to a very select group of friends. I also talked about it in person with another very select group of friends, all of whom now have access to that post. Should they? I said it was codependent of me to post it the way I did. And I certainly did put a harsh, reactive title on it. But I also said, I have a reason. The reason being to stop me from vacillating so damn much, to have something recent and concrete that these close friends could refer me to when I start questioning if my husband is behaving like an addict and if it really wouldn't be ok to cave my boundaries in a bit and say, have unprotected sex with him. Is the reason justification for posting it? Is his reason adequate justification for getting my password and looking at my private stuff? I don't know. It's a grey area. I'm okay with that.
I am tired of having problems, don't get me wrong. But I'm not a little girl who sings "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and cries every time she doesn't get her way, not anymore. Problems exist, they will continue to exist. They might change shape, but I will have them whether I'm with him or not. He will have them whether he's with me or not. I don't believe there is such place as Oz, or that our troubles would even disappear once we got there. I can't run away to Oz, with or without you dear heart. And I don't want to.