(no subject)
You may start noticing something in my lj that is different from now on. I've never made friends only entries, but many may be. I've gone through a lot and I use this to vent. To type out my feelings makes it easier for me to understand them. I understand my logic may be flawed and what seems obviously wrong to some isn't so obvious to me, I'm trying my best to understand what is going on so I can accept it. Unfortunately, many of my thoughts upset Jen which is the last thing I want to do right now. I don't want her to be mad at me, I don't want her to hate me or resent me, I still want her to choose to be with me. So, in order for me to be able to vent, I've taken her off my friends list and will be posting that kind of thing friends only. Likewise, she's taken me off hers. Maybe if she has no exposure to me, she'll find how much she misses me and realize she still wants to be with me, I don't know, but if there is a shot, it's worth taking.
Taking her off was such a hard choice. We've had free access to each others journals for about four years now. Knowing she may be saying things about me to others that I can't see is really hard to deal with. Knowing she may be talking about other people she's interested in is just as hard. I've always wanted us to be open with what each other is feeling, and this is a step in the opposite direction, given, we are under different circumstances now, she has no obligation to share with me, she is no longer mine.
I do apologize for the sad state of my lj recently. I know I probably sound like a whiny bitch, but as I said, typing out what I'm thinking helps me a lot. If you don't like it, you can unfriend me.
Taking her off was such a hard choice. We've had free access to each others journals for about four years now. Knowing she may be saying things about me to others that I can't see is really hard to deal with. Knowing she may be talking about other people she's interested in is just as hard. I've always wanted us to be open with what each other is feeling, and this is a step in the opposite direction, given, we are under different circumstances now, she has no obligation to share with me, she is no longer mine.
I do apologize for the sad state of my lj recently. I know I probably sound like a whiny bitch, but as I said, typing out what I'm thinking helps me a lot. If you don't like it, you can unfriend me.