(no subject)
I just got back from the pool hall. I have to work tomorrow so I had to leave early. I was hanging out with Tara and her friend Dave and this kid Silky. I don't really like Silky. He has alot of trouble keeping his eyes where they're supposed to be. I dont mind Tara getting checked out, but staring at her ass at every opportunity certainly didnt win him any brownie points with moi. I had a few drinks and now I felt like writing.
I felt out of place there. I almost felt that I wasnt wanted. Maybe I wasnt. I just dont know anymore. I know she needs her time by herself but there are just too many things that arent right. I dont know... anyhow...
I don't know whats going on right now. I have not a clue. I used to be able to read her like a book but I can't do that anymore. All of a sudden, in the last month and change, she's been a closed book to me. I can't read her and I don't like that one bit. I just hope I don't miss something detrimental.
As much pain as she is causing me, if I end up losing her I'm going to be fucking devastated. I honestly do love her more than I can describe in words. She's the only one in the world who could hurt me as much as I'm hurting now and still have plenty of room to increase the pain. God forbid she does decide that she doesnt want to be my wife anymore, I'm pretty sure I'm going to dissapear for a while. I'm not going to do anything stupid, so don't worry about me hurting myself, but I'm damn near positive I'll be going away for a while. I'll need something to keep my mind off of the missing heart in my chest and leaving is the only thing that I can think of that would help...
I really don't want to lose her. She's my everything. At the same time, though, she's my kryptonite. Fuckin A. If I ever meet someone who says life is easy, I'm going to kick him in the jammy. I'm going to try to sleep. She's probably not coming home till late (she did say she was coming home tonight but I'm not holding my breath. We all know how that usually turns out...) so I'll end up staring at the ceiling for a while. Night world.
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I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
(Chorus)
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation
(Chorus) (X2)
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning
There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason
(Chorus) (X2)
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning
I feel like there is no need for conversation
I felt out of place there. I almost felt that I wasnt wanted. Maybe I wasnt. I just dont know anymore. I know she needs her time by herself but there are just too many things that arent right. I dont know... anyhow...
I don't know whats going on right now. I have not a clue. I used to be able to read her like a book but I can't do that anymore. All of a sudden, in the last month and change, she's been a closed book to me. I can't read her and I don't like that one bit. I just hope I don't miss something detrimental.
As much pain as she is causing me, if I end up losing her I'm going to be fucking devastated. I honestly do love her more than I can describe in words. She's the only one in the world who could hurt me as much as I'm hurting now and still have plenty of room to increase the pain. God forbid she does decide that she doesnt want to be my wife anymore, I'm pretty sure I'm going to dissapear for a while. I'm not going to do anything stupid, so don't worry about me hurting myself, but I'm damn near positive I'll be going away for a while. I'll need something to keep my mind off of the missing heart in my chest and leaving is the only thing that I can think of that would help...
I really don't want to lose her. She's my everything. At the same time, though, she's my kryptonite. Fuckin A. If I ever meet someone who says life is easy, I'm going to kick him in the jammy. I'm going to try to sleep. She's probably not coming home till late (she did say she was coming home tonight but I'm not holding my breath. We all know how that usually turns out...) so I'll end up staring at the ceiling for a while. Night world.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
(Chorus)
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation
(Chorus) (X2)
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning
There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason
(Chorus) (X2)
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning
I feel like there is no need for conversation