Reflection
Long-ish post ahead =v=a Forgot how to put things under a cut...
Lately there have been tunes and lyrics running through my head. Perhaps it started when Visual Computing class assigned the CD booklet project. Since I'm designing the booklet around Izumi and Kiyo's band, I guess I'm starting to think of songs for them. Since I can't think of lyrics without song, there are tunes to the one set of lyrics I thought up a couple days ago.
I drew a sketch and I started thinking about the feelings it reminded me of, and somehow connected it to a book that fell off a shelf.
don't leave me back
don't leave me back
behind the shelves you stacked
up and filled
with memories
in pages yellowing
creasing and withering
the pages turn
it tears and burns
through me
each word reminds me
how little it took for you to drop me
we're all the same to begin with
but look where we are now
so I can't keep my place--
is this how you see me?
is this where I'll stay from here on?
don't love me back
don't love me back
besides it's not like you ever tried
there's still a chance
that you may notice me
creasing and withering
the pages turn
it tears and burns
through me
each word reminds me
how easy it is to finally be free...
I don't know a good place to put a song file C: Definitely don't want to put my voice on Youtube haha. I only wanted to record the song that goes with it for memory's sake, not to perform or anything.
I wasn't really thinking about anything when I wrote the song, but then again, music is something that connects with emotion. I'm sure subconsciously somewhere, this connects deeply with me.
This is where I reflect on where I am now.
'>
A lot's happened, lots of unpleasant memories this past summer, but now those seem like a past life to me already. People miss Taiwan so much and want to go back and are not content with the friends that surround them in college or are just not content with a lot of things in general about their life outside of Taiwan and miss getting back together with old friends, but I must admit I'm not quite sure I feel the same way. I don't find this negative, it's merely the truth.
I enjoy my life here immensely. Alright, I hate the intense amount of smokers in my school but it's an art school, and I'm in New York, so that'll be hard to avoid. But I've met great friends here, people that I laugh with and joke with. I feel like I've known them for forever when I've only known them for a few weeks. There are so many interesting people, curious sights and delightful experiences here. I guess the fact that it's refreshing contributes. There are pros and cons to every place. People are busy here, but in a way that's what makes them straightforward. I like straightforward.
Somtimes there are people that are so kind you think it's unreal, and a lot of times people are cold, but only because they are busy. As I get used to the city, I become one of those busy walking people that don't give a damn, but it's all a part of being in the city.
I love how everyone doesn't think strangely of the strange ones, because it just happens so often, it's a normality. I walk around in my cosplay while going to events, not having to worry about how strange I look or how much extra clothing i need to bring and nobody will question me. One old lady only told me I forgot to tie my shoes when I walked out in my Denmark outfit.
And cosplay too. Sure, there are elitist cosplayers in every country, but just the people I've met, the whole environment just puts me at ease. I don't think I've ever felt so grateful that I DON'T have to kill myself over tiny details because no one CARES they only want to see ME and have FUN with me. No one cares if I don't have Denmark's hat and no one cares that I'm wearing my glasses! I don't feel obliged to explain myself everywhere I go.
I have so much FUN. I love it here and I love all the people I've met.
The only reason I want to go back to Taiwan is to eat good food and see my parents again. I love them and miss them very much.
Hanging out, yeah, sure, but I just don't think I have that big gap that other friends seem to have. I don't share that feeling of going from a place I don't like as much, to a place I love. I'm just moving from one place I love to another place I love.
I've felt so free.
But when I think about Taiwan, half of me is thinking mmmm food, but the other half remembers things I don't want to think about and then I forget about Taiwan and I just think about America again, because it makes me happy.
My brothers are suggesting I look at internships for the summer, which I should be. But if I get a good one, I don't know if I will be able to go to the conventions.
But do I really care that much anymore? I really want to cosplay Kurokichi with my friend, but do I really care that much about conventions? I'm not so sure anymore. I think cosplay is fun, but maybe I should put internships before me. And for once, I don't feel PAINED that I'm going to have to 'sacrifice' cosplay for work. I think work is cool, cosplay is a luxury I guess.
Photoshoots are still some faraway distant dream for me, but so be it. When I get one, I'll get one, and it'll not be something I stress myself over.
I'm just so happy here, I feel like when I go back to Taiwan, I'll be in another world. I'll be in this old awkward dream, like I'm looking into someone else's life.
Still look forward to winter.
Gloria here I come, wooha! <3
Peace.
Lately there have been tunes and lyrics running through my head. Perhaps it started when Visual Computing class assigned the CD booklet project. Since I'm designing the booklet around Izumi and Kiyo's band, I guess I'm starting to think of songs for them. Since I can't think of lyrics without song, there are tunes to the one set of lyrics I thought up a couple days ago.
I drew a sketch and I started thinking about the feelings it reminded me of, and somehow connected it to a book that fell off a shelf.
don't leave me back
don't leave me back
behind the shelves you stacked
up and filled
with memories
in pages yellowing
creasing and withering
the pages turn
it tears and burns
through me
each word reminds me
how little it took for you to drop me
we're all the same to begin with
but look where we are now
so I can't keep my place--
is this how you see me?
is this where I'll stay from here on?
don't love me back
don't love me back
besides it's not like you ever tried
there's still a chance
that you may notice me
creasing and withering
the pages turn
it tears and burns
through me
each word reminds me
how easy it is to finally be free...
I don't know a good place to put a song file C: Definitely don't want to put my voice on Youtube haha. I only wanted to record the song that goes with it for memory's sake, not to perform or anything.
I wasn't really thinking about anything when I wrote the song, but then again, music is something that connects with emotion. I'm sure subconsciously somewhere, this connects deeply with me.
This is where I reflect on where I am now.
'>
A lot's happened, lots of unpleasant memories this past summer, but now those seem like a past life to me already. People miss Taiwan so much and want to go back and are not content with the friends that surround them in college or are just not content with a lot of things in general about their life outside of Taiwan and miss getting back together with old friends, but I must admit I'm not quite sure I feel the same way. I don't find this negative, it's merely the truth.
I enjoy my life here immensely. Alright, I hate the intense amount of smokers in my school but it's an art school, and I'm in New York, so that'll be hard to avoid. But I've met great friends here, people that I laugh with and joke with. I feel like I've known them for forever when I've only known them for a few weeks. There are so many interesting people, curious sights and delightful experiences here. I guess the fact that it's refreshing contributes. There are pros and cons to every place. People are busy here, but in a way that's what makes them straightforward. I like straightforward.
Somtimes there are people that are so kind you think it's unreal, and a lot of times people are cold, but only because they are busy. As I get used to the city, I become one of those busy walking people that don't give a damn, but it's all a part of being in the city.
I love how everyone doesn't think strangely of the strange ones, because it just happens so often, it's a normality. I walk around in my cosplay while going to events, not having to worry about how strange I look or how much extra clothing i need to bring and nobody will question me. One old lady only told me I forgot to tie my shoes when I walked out in my Denmark outfit.
And cosplay too. Sure, there are elitist cosplayers in every country, but just the people I've met, the whole environment just puts me at ease. I don't think I've ever felt so grateful that I DON'T have to kill myself over tiny details because no one CARES they only want to see ME and have FUN with me. No one cares if I don't have Denmark's hat and no one cares that I'm wearing my glasses! I don't feel obliged to explain myself everywhere I go.
I have so much FUN. I love it here and I love all the people I've met.
The only reason I want to go back to Taiwan is to eat good food and see my parents again. I love them and miss them very much.
Hanging out, yeah, sure, but I just don't think I have that big gap that other friends seem to have. I don't share that feeling of going from a place I don't like as much, to a place I love. I'm just moving from one place I love to another place I love.
I've felt so free.
But when I think about Taiwan, half of me is thinking mmmm food, but the other half remembers things I don't want to think about and then I forget about Taiwan and I just think about America again, because it makes me happy.
My brothers are suggesting I look at internships for the summer, which I should be. But if I get a good one, I don't know if I will be able to go to the conventions.
But do I really care that much anymore? I really want to cosplay Kurokichi with my friend, but do I really care that much about conventions? I'm not so sure anymore. I think cosplay is fun, but maybe I should put internships before me. And for once, I don't feel PAINED that I'm going to have to 'sacrifice' cosplay for work. I think work is cool, cosplay is a luxury I guess.
Photoshoots are still some faraway distant dream for me, but so be it. When I get one, I'll get one, and it'll not be something I stress myself over.
I'm just so happy here, I feel like when I go back to Taiwan, I'll be in another world. I'll be in this old awkward dream, like I'm looking into someone else's life.
Still look forward to winter.
Gloria here I come, wooha! <3
Peace.