what monster am i staring in the face?!
So, today would be my first day easing into normalcy post-resignation.
My last day was last Thursday. It wasn't drama-ridden or anything, but it wasn't smooth sailing either, as I've come to expect with the people running my ex-company. Normally I'll try not to dwell on shit like this, but as with any ending you can't help but reflect on what had come to pass.
I was discussing with friends what my plans are and I said I didn't want to rush into this. A friend asked if I rushed into my past job, which is why I didn't last long. I thought about it and the truth is I didn't. As a matter of fact I was so excited and happy in the beginning because I really did seriously believe in the company. Unfortunately, I think the pace in which it's growing is overwhelming the management a bit and they no longer know how to handle it. They're now so obviously profit-centered that they neglected the fact that there were only three (including me) people there doing the actual job, which is making ads. They're gushing work upon work upon work onto six hands while they reap the rewards. They're so used to passing work, they don't even take into consideration that not one of them actually knows what goes into making each artwork for each campaign for each client. They just know to make you do things and ask for it asap, nothing else considered. It's really sad because I think they have really good people there that are wasting away and getting abused for all the wrong reasons. Now everyone's leaving and instead of addressing the situation they tighten their shit some more and create more discord. So they could assert their seniority. So they could make themselves feel more secure. Or just because they're so frazzled they're not even thinking things through anymore. I mean, assurance that you could keep your last three employees won't be found by giving them bonds. You'll just chase them away all that quicker. It's just really sad how helpless one could be in the face of mismanagement and hubris.
Anyway, my exit interview is tomorrow and I fully intend to say it all to their face. As politely as I could. But I'll say it anyway. Down to the fact where the childish tantrums of one of the bosses was the last straw in my decision to leave, or that not having a REAL Creative Director could only take you so far, or that being bored shouldn't always translate to a slew of emails containing new and pointless policies just so it would seem like you're doing something more than pining about your lost mobile community. I will say it all because I still care enough about the company's potential, but I also wouldn't mind shoving their denial in their faces.
In the end, I'm just a little sad it had to end this way. Last year I just intended to leave after about 8 months having found a better place, not because I was rearing to get the hell out of that pit. But then, you can never tell.
Now that I'm gone though, I'm teetering between sheer joy and that endless nagging doubt at the recesses of my head. Once again I'm shifting into full "future-talks" gear.
Amusingly, last Friday, my first day of freedom, turned out to be one of the most eventful days of my year thus far. I got up early and drove my dad to an old friend's house for business shizz. It was cool because the woman we visited happened to be one of my parents' oldest and most influential friends - so influential in fact that she actually is my namesake. However, it was only the first time I'm meeting her after about a decade. I've ever only known her through phone calls and conversations. So that was cool. Then I had lunch with my dad, the first time in a while that it was just us two. I haven't quite gotten over the 'dad-please-don't-be-so-embarrassing' phase because I guess that's just how my relationship is with my dad. Despite this though lunch was very pleasant, maybe even something I wouldn't mind doing again. Then after lunch came my favorite part. My very first paid photog gig. All the photog things I've done thus far were friendly favors involving documenting an event or taking photos for school work. But not this time. This time dough was involved. And, I'm glad to say, I loved it. I loved directing models and playing with reflectors and shooting. Damn. I loved it. Post shoot I had a long and eventful dinner with new acquaintances and then drinks with old friends. All in all, it was filled with new experiences. A lot of which I wouldn't have been able to do in my previous situation.
Suffice it to say, I want more of that life. Making money taking photos by day, then winding down with great company afterward.
Of course tons of questions come after that, but I'm leaving that for another post. I need to relax my brain and usher it into a zen state before I start contemplating which side of this eternal fork I'm supposed to take.
Meanwhile, I had the best "Welcome to Freedom" party in the form of my very first long-distance drive to Batangas. After which ensued another epic stay in Matuod. No place better for reflections really.
Nico and Tipay in a very dry Narnia
The photos of which are in my photo blog.
My last day was last Thursday. It wasn't drama-ridden or anything, but it wasn't smooth sailing either, as I've come to expect with the people running my ex-company. Normally I'll try not to dwell on shit like this, but as with any ending you can't help but reflect on what had come to pass.
I was discussing with friends what my plans are and I said I didn't want to rush into this. A friend asked if I rushed into my past job, which is why I didn't last long. I thought about it and the truth is I didn't. As a matter of fact I was so excited and happy in the beginning because I really did seriously believe in the company. Unfortunately, I think the pace in which it's growing is overwhelming the management a bit and they no longer know how to handle it. They're now so obviously profit-centered that they neglected the fact that there were only three (including me) people there doing the actual job, which is making ads. They're gushing work upon work upon work onto six hands while they reap the rewards. They're so used to passing work, they don't even take into consideration that not one of them actually knows what goes into making each artwork for each campaign for each client. They just know to make you do things and ask for it asap, nothing else considered. It's really sad because I think they have really good people there that are wasting away and getting abused for all the wrong reasons. Now everyone's leaving and instead of addressing the situation they tighten their shit some more and create more discord. So they could assert their seniority. So they could make themselves feel more secure. Or just because they're so frazzled they're not even thinking things through anymore. I mean, assurance that you could keep your last three employees won't be found by giving them bonds. You'll just chase them away all that quicker. It's just really sad how helpless one could be in the face of mismanagement and hubris.
Anyway, my exit interview is tomorrow and I fully intend to say it all to their face. As politely as I could. But I'll say it anyway. Down to the fact where the childish tantrums of one of the bosses was the last straw in my decision to leave, or that not having a REAL Creative Director could only take you so far, or that being bored shouldn't always translate to a slew of emails containing new and pointless policies just so it would seem like you're doing something more than pining about your lost mobile community. I will say it all because I still care enough about the company's potential, but I also wouldn't mind shoving their denial in their faces.
In the end, I'm just a little sad it had to end this way. Last year I just intended to leave after about 8 months having found a better place, not because I was rearing to get the hell out of that pit. But then, you can never tell.
Now that I'm gone though, I'm teetering between sheer joy and that endless nagging doubt at the recesses of my head. Once again I'm shifting into full "future-talks" gear.
Amusingly, last Friday, my first day of freedom, turned out to be one of the most eventful days of my year thus far. I got up early and drove my dad to an old friend's house for business shizz. It was cool because the woman we visited happened to be one of my parents' oldest and most influential friends - so influential in fact that she actually is my namesake. However, it was only the first time I'm meeting her after about a decade. I've ever only known her through phone calls and conversations. So that was cool. Then I had lunch with my dad, the first time in a while that it was just us two. I haven't quite gotten over the 'dad-please-don't-be-so-embarrassing' phase because I guess that's just how my relationship is with my dad. Despite this though lunch was very pleasant, maybe even something I wouldn't mind doing again. Then after lunch came my favorite part. My very first paid photog gig. All the photog things I've done thus far were friendly favors involving documenting an event or taking photos for school work. But not this time. This time dough was involved. And, I'm glad to say, I loved it. I loved directing models and playing with reflectors and shooting. Damn. I loved it. Post shoot I had a long and eventful dinner with new acquaintances and then drinks with old friends. All in all, it was filled with new experiences. A lot of which I wouldn't have been able to do in my previous situation.
Suffice it to say, I want more of that life. Making money taking photos by day, then winding down with great company afterward.
Of course tons of questions come after that, but I'm leaving that for another post. I need to relax my brain and usher it into a zen state before I start contemplating which side of this eternal fork I'm supposed to take.
Meanwhile, I had the best "Welcome to Freedom" party in the form of my very first long-distance drive to Batangas. After which ensued another epic stay in Matuod. No place better for reflections really.
Nico and Tipay in a very dry Narnia
The photos of which are in my photo blog.