Uh-huh.
Totally just had a cigarette with Jeff Hardy.
EDIT: Some friends and I -- including Amy (tsunami) -- went to Backlash last night. Yes, yes, people are going to build a trailer around us, and I haven't watched wrestling in over five years, but who gives a damn, really. We arrived at the stadium drunk off our asses, and trolled the shit out of the surrounding audience with an air of boozy malevolence. Cheering for the people everybody absolutely hated, screaming obscenities at the crowd favorites, and making requests that people write slash-fiction about the blatant eroticism unfurling before us. I kept going "Whatchu people gonna do? You're gonna do nothin'." Nobody did anything. That's right. *
Some bullet points:
* Well, somewhat. An eight-year-old girl in front of us absolutely despised us, because we were cheering for Edge, her arch-nemesis. A boy around her age a few seats over, on the other hand, absolutely loved us, laughing at everything cruel we said. That kid's gonna be an awesome partier in the future. Oh, and at the very end of the night, a disgruntled 40-year-old female John Cena fan screamed at us to move our beers out of her camera view, because we were holding them up in celebration when he lost. I turned around and said directly to her "Are you fucking serious?" No reply, and she stormed out of the arena. Ahahaha.
EDIT #2:
EDIT: Some friends and I -- including Amy (tsunami) -- went to Backlash last night. Yes, yes, people are going to build a trailer around us, and I haven't watched wrestling in over five years, but who gives a damn, really. We arrived at the stadium drunk off our asses, and trolled the shit out of the surrounding audience with an air of boozy malevolence. Cheering for the people everybody absolutely hated, screaming obscenities at the crowd favorites, and making requests that people write slash-fiction about the blatant eroticism unfurling before us. I kept going "Whatchu people gonna do? You're gonna do nothin'." Nobody did anything. That's right. *
Some bullet points:
- Afterwards, we went to Denny's. Beth Phoenix and Ted Dibiase were there. We didn't speak to them, just side-eyed them occasionally. Beth is pretty goddamn striking in person, for the record.
- Soon after, Matt and Jeff Hardy arrive. We're internally bugging, but said nothing, to avoid scaring them off. They sit at the table literally right next to us -- as in, some friends mentioned they could smell their damn cologne. Why sit there of all places in a near-empty restaurant? Jesus.
- Then, Edge and Christian show up. Absolutely surreal. They sit with the Hardys. I mean, what the fuck? These are people we loved in middle school. Hilarious.
- I had about eighteen cigarettes outside at this point, nervously laughing my ass off and wondering what the hell to do. I was pretty determined to speak to them, considering this absurd endeavor will never happen again in my lifetime, but I was worried about being a creep while they were trying to relax. So.
- Christian was fairly asocial, but seriously kept checking Amy out. A lot.
- Edge banged into me while on the way to the bathroom. He smiled warmly and said hello to me, and vice versa. One down.
- I grab Amy and we head outside for another cigarette. Jeff Hardy comes out into the parking lot, with his turquoise hair. We say "We're not trying to be sketchy, but hi." He responds, "No sketchiness here." and stumbles to his car on his cell phone. I knew this motherfucker would be a smoker, for the record.
- I dare Amy to ask him for a cigarette. Come on. Do it. She does, very casually and adorably. I'd like to emphatically state here that Jeff Hardy lit a cigarette for her. He smokes Newports, however, which is fairly disconcerting.
- We shook hands with his wife, and hung out for a bit. Talked about a violent fight that apparently broke out in the crowds, and gave him directions to Bridgeport, Connecticut. He also said, in a surprisingly non-creepy way, that it was "cool" that we worked in a strip club.
- Back inside, we talked with Matt Hardy. He was an absolute sweetheart, going out of his way to chat with us. His arm was fucked up and wrapped in a cast, and he actually expressed earnest concern about my spinal MRIs. Heh. He also talked massive amounts of shit about Triple H, which is incredible. Apparently they are not friends off-screen. Surprise.
- Um. This is completely ridiculous. Whatever, we're total losers, but it was fun and casual. Didn't ask for pictures and autographs; I was just satisfied about what already occurred.
* Well, somewhat. An eight-year-old girl in front of us absolutely despised us, because we were cheering for Edge, her arch-nemesis. A boy around her age a few seats over, on the other hand, absolutely loved us, laughing at everything cruel we said. That kid's gonna be an awesome partier in the future. Oh, and at the very end of the night, a disgruntled 40-year-old female John Cena fan screamed at us to move our beers out of her camera view, because we were holding them up in celebration when he lost. I turned around and said directly to her "Are you fucking serious?" No reply, and she stormed out of the arena. Ahahaha.
EDIT #2: