A schadenfreudal orgasm.

[cruelbitch]

Delightful.

Author's Note: This lengthy diatribe was inspired by a sf-drama post -- a forum I do not attend, nor do I desire becoming invested in -- which elicited a severe twitch of irritation within me. I, very reluctantly, said nothing. After all, why would I, somebody who devotes massive amounts of their time into Dare-I-Say-PC research, ever want to

Comments

[neverbeeneasy]

My relationship with sex is a constant mental struggle. I hate when I recognize things in my head that came to be from years of watching pornography. People say that I am hating what is 'natural', but ... it's not natural. We don't know what the natural state of human sex is. Thoughts are involved, attitudes, concepts, all of that that animals just usually don't have when they're fucking

[cruelbitch]

First: Thanks for elaborating on this. Seriously. And don't worry about loosely conceptualizing it; I understand where you're going, what you mean.

I suppose the first thing I want to address is the detailing of romance -- either mildly interlocked or completely divorced from -- sex. It's something that I've mentioned grappling with internally: how a rigid line drawn for orientation (with regards to being "homo-romantic") delves into an essentialistic territory that I'm rather disconcerted by. That being stated, I grok your descriptions of sensuality (romance defined within your own parameters) perfectly. I have no reservations about eroticizing traditionally un-erotic things, provided it contains that associated pureness. Unfortunately, as I mentioned in my post, the entwining of carnality and inanimate objects, for example, is usually done with a kitschy and rancid deviance ... and one that is quite deliberate. Obviously, you understand that this isn't rooted in puritannical naysaying, because I have no problems with eroticism that

[neverbeeneasy]

I don't mind! I'll keep replying to you, too. I actually have a lot to say on the issue of redefining romance, and once I get more sleep I'll probably be more confident in my ability to articulate my thoughts. I just wanted to say I totally feel you on this: I've attempted detailing it within the framework of siblinghood before, which elicits paralleled disturbing reactions and incestuous conceptualizations from others -- which, is not at all What I Meant.

I've always talked about how I've had sister-like relationships with my girlfriends, and people just ... don't really understand what I mean, haha.

[onthetide]

FWIW, I completely understand your descriptions of love and romance. I feel the same way, I think.

[neverbeeneasy]

:* We all need to have a big anti_fem lesbian(AND BISEXUAL!! ;D) love pile. In a chatroom sometime. : (

But yes, I've even stated to people who just think that my need to redefine romance means I only have ~confused friendship feelings~ for women and don't really want them (EXPLAIN MY LOVE OF CUNNILINGUS THEN, YOU GUYS) is that although it's not my preference or ideal, I'd be in a romantic friendship with a man if I found one that I felt that way for. Or however I choose to explain the certain type of romance that I want (but seem to never be able to have. WOE).

We really should talk more about this sometime. If only because I need to talk about it as much as possible to organize my thoughts. They are so horribly jumbled because most of them stay in my head :c

[cruelbitch]

Seriously, I miss chat. I'd adore getting together and clumsily free-writing about these issues. We should all plan it or something, y/y?

[neverbeeneasy]

Iawtc! My job hours have been cut so horribly that I'm pretty much free any time. My classes are mostly done on my laptop, anyway.

[cruelbitch]

Yes, please discuss with me about redefining romance, after you've slept.

Another thing you said elsewhere:"[W]hether they are trying to repress it or are thinking what makes them wet or hard is so sacred that anyone criticizing it is somehow oppressive, the Sacred Cow of Horniness.
Of course. This is one thing that got me into several explosive arguments with pro-kink types; I was demanded to define what differentiated prostitution from run-of-the-mill capitalistic exploitation ("What makes this so special?"), to which I had to reply "Well, what makes your kink so special and impervious with regards to how we discuss generalized exploitation under patriarchy

[neverbeeneasy]

I also have to say: I'm using your personal stories as a platform to intellectualize other things, which were inspired by your thoughts. Hope this doesn't bother you. In fact, the relevant topic (intertwining of lesbianism and asexuality) is so compelling to me that it's almost like I want to get the endless caveats out of the way so I can analyze the symptomatic issue more thoroughly with you. So. We'll definitely expand on that in a bit, because I seriously need to.

It doesn't bother me at all.

And I just thought of how Redefining Romance could probably, and IS probably, the title of a totally cheesy "how to fix your marriage" self-help book or something. I do love the concept of it, though

[cruelbitch]

TL;DR away. Ramble away.

I've been leaving the computer at times, and I haven't slept yet either, so my replies will be sporadically timed. I've got a fuckton of garbage to pontificate about, and it's cathartic in a way.

Good luck sleeping/the car situation. <3

[cruelbitch]

"By the age of eighteen, I still had not fallen in love, nor had I had that 'crush' I was waiting for. I forced it, I told myself I had crushes on men that I had no real interest in. I didn't understand this invisible hand pushing me, pulling at my cheeks and making me smile at boys I had no interest in."
Another interesting thing. Sex work has only enhanced this, and it's a difficult mannerism to shed, which is particularly frightening given how unconscious it's become at this point. I'm conditioned to, to put it bluntly, pretending to earnestly give a shit about what imbecilic men have to say. Now, this mannerism has fortunately carried over towards how I interact with women, but the difference resides in the fact that with women, it's actually meaningful. This attribute pre-dated my feminist learnings, for what it's worth

[neverbeeneasy]

[cruelbitch]

Um, yikes. The component of being isolated with no escape avenue is particularly chilling, nevermind the rest of their appalling displays of behavior. I completely understand how fucked up that is

[meleth]

OMG come join Jen and me in a homo-romantic lesbian commune?

[meleth]

Holy crap, I posted that in response to the wrong comment. Um, just sort of put it into one of the other comment threads.

[demonista]

Hi, neverbeeneasy, I just asked jen if it be ok to link to this for the next carnival of radical feminists, and wanted to ask you too b/c you left such personal details here. if not, that's ok :)