Yes, it does make sense. This behavior (your "caricaturization" view) often manifests in subtler, less destructive symptoms in the majority of people -- it's often harmless and well-intentioned, if mildly annoying, so I'll typically allow it a pass. In this post, however, I'm discussing extreme examples; extremes for whichever reason in my life are mainstream, and I'm trying to pinpoint the source ... even my possible culpability involved. I'm discussing the "It's hell for me? You fix it. No, it does not matter if you're working tonight. I've deemed you as my watchperson, and you are thereby obligated to bolster my banality; otherwise I will delegate you to Suicide Watch duty." -types.
The ends vs. means analysis is interesting, as they don't (usually) intend to manipulate, and there's usually no conscious desire to armtwist you into situations; they just want their own pain, or mundanity, or whatever, to stop. The dilemma arises with certain types, however, when they don't simply want the effect of your action, but your action. They will rearrange things with an end in mind -- a specific end, that says the other person must give them a set of specific reaction(s), specific behaviors they want the friend to exhibit. Otherwise, everything falls apart, and usually tumultuously.
Ergo, I see what you're saying, and my response typically aligns with yours (abstaining from biasing the situations with my own narrative) -- I'm just attempting to eliminate specific offshoots of this type from my life, in which case I usually have to nitpick the pattern, however hypocritical it is. Of course intentions must be examined. But there's also a problem with me either taking them at face value, in which case they will feel like shit because they're Just A Friend, or I will feel manipulated, in which case they'll feel like shit because That's Not What They Meant.
The ends vs. means analysis is interesting, as they don't (usually) intend to manipulate, and there's usually no conscious desire to armtwist you into situations; they just want their own pain, or mundanity, or whatever, to stop. The dilemma arises with certain types, however, when they don't simply want the effect of your action, but your action. They will rearrange things with an end in mind -- a specific end, that says the other person must give them a set of specific reaction(s), specific behaviors they want the friend to exhibit. Otherwise, everything falls apart, and usually tumultuously.
Ergo, I see what you're saying, and my response typically aligns with yours (abstaining from biasing the situations with my own narrative) -- I'm just attempting to eliminate specific offshoots of this type from my life, in which case I usually have to nitpick the pattern, however hypocritical it is. Of course intentions must be examined. But there's also a problem with me either taking them at face value, in which case they will feel like shit because they're Just A Friend, or I will feel manipulated, in which case they'll feel like shit because That's Not What They Meant.
If that also makes sense.
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