bitter pills
life has been tough lately. i realized that theres sooo much more heavy things in life than having to walk on wet pavement and meeting deadlines. things like babies, suicide, and heartbreaks bring me to think about how the lives of people around me change so fast that along the way they change mine as well. i never thought id have to deal with hospitals, knives, ob-gyns, so soon in my life. but its a different feeling, having to sit in that hallway waiting for the lab results that will ultimately turn your friend's life around is like also turning your own. Babies are always a good thing i guess. i wonder what its gonna be like to be a mom. I bet its one hellava job cause my mother looks pretty tired after all those years and im not even the screwed up kind of kid.
on suicide threats, its also hard to experience someone's pain and not be able to do anything about it because no matter how hard you try to help them, they have to help themselves also. sometimes i get upset at how i cannot change things for some people but i realized that life isnt so hard on us, we all just have different coping mechanisms. its awful when you get to see them deliberately hurting themsleves. i do not know if i will ever come to the point wherein ill be brave enough to inflict physical injury upon myslef. im too much of a chicken to do that and i dont understand how others deal with that. its sad that i see this happening to someone i really care about.
on heartbreaks, all i can say is that it sucks getting hurt and if you're the one left behind, nothing pains more than rethinking everything all over again. after three years, i think i deserve the right to whine, cry, and be bitter.
on suicide threats, its also hard to experience someone's pain and not be able to do anything about it because no matter how hard you try to help them, they have to help themselves also. sometimes i get upset at how i cannot change things for some people but i realized that life isnt so hard on us, we all just have different coping mechanisms. its awful when you get to see them deliberately hurting themsleves. i do not know if i will ever come to the point wherein ill be brave enough to inflict physical injury upon myslef. im too much of a chicken to do that and i dont understand how others deal with that. its sad that i see this happening to someone i really care about.
on heartbreaks, all i can say is that it sucks getting hurt and if you're the one left behind, nothing pains more than rethinking everything all over again. after three years, i think i deserve the right to whine, cry, and be bitter.