how crazy
you know, i never really do much in here anymore.
i know i stopped before cuz my mom was a bit nosey and would constantly read it, i dont kno why it bothered me so much... lol
probably because it was mine and i put things in it she didnt need to see but now i dont care.
it never realli mattered i suppose. it was just the principle of the matter.
but i guess you can say ive changed alot in the last year or so.
for beter and for worse. lol
yeah i quit school.... and iw ouldnt even work for a while... but now i work and i really love my job. i love the people, i love the commission, lol and i like being able to go to sleep at night knowing ive accomplished somethign that i will be reimbursed for.
i like having money. lol
ive never really been that kind of person cuz ive never really ever had money anyways. but i do now. and i dont know how i lived. lolol
but uuhmmm. i dunno. theres still people who constantly fuck with me just because they can. but w/e.
im tired of that little kid bullshit.
too many people i know are dying...
it makes me realize life is way to short for that kind of shit. too short to hate peopel just because they did something to someone else. its lame.
and i refuse to take part in it.
see, what people fail to realize is that 18 is a huge change, when you've lived the life i have. i dont have a sure thign anywhere anymore!
you nver know whats gonna happen, and youre an adult now, you gotta be careful. its kinda gay, but its made me a better person for sure.
lol i dont even hop on the light rail without paying anymore.
waaay too risky.
so before i started writing i had realized holy shit, ive had this thing since 2004. lolol thats a hella long time. i like to go through it and see how ridiculous i was. how love sick and love struck and fucked up in the head i was. lol. im glad im not so crazy anymore.
and im glad im not so boy crazy anymore. lol
i liek having one guy i can count on.
and i feel really bad for what i had done to james.
i never meant to hurt him so bad. i just couldnt handle the mental abuse anymore. it was getting to be more hurtful than happy, and i found someone who genuinely cared about me, and wanted me to be happy. lol and here i am.
at our 9th month i believe. and i know we got together on the 15th so happy anniversary i suppose. lol
we dont really celebrate those though...
and for once in my life...
it really doesnt matter to me. lol
everyday is like an anniversary.
whenevr it is possible, he will do everything he can to make me happy.
and i love it!
i liek this relationship. its vvery healthy, and very happy, and i really really like it.
all we need to do is move out. thats it. then everything will be perfect.
no more peopel belittling him as soon as he gets home
no more disrespect
no more ungreatful people.
jsut peopel who work hard for what we have
and respect eachother for working hard to get to that place.
i cant wait for that.
i honestly dont think anyone understand how much of a difference that will make in myself. in my self esteem in my selfconfidence in everyday and in everything i do.
i will be a much much MUCH happier person... i cant even describe it...
well im going to go look thru old postings. lol
thanks for reading this if you actually do read it. lol
<3 eleesha
i know i stopped before cuz my mom was a bit nosey and would constantly read it, i dont kno why it bothered me so much... lol
probably because it was mine and i put things in it she didnt need to see but now i dont care.
it never realli mattered i suppose. it was just the principle of the matter.
but i guess you can say ive changed alot in the last year or so.
for beter and for worse. lol
yeah i quit school.... and iw ouldnt even work for a while... but now i work and i really love my job. i love the people, i love the commission, lol and i like being able to go to sleep at night knowing ive accomplished somethign that i will be reimbursed for.
i like having money. lol
ive never really been that kind of person cuz ive never really ever had money anyways. but i do now. and i dont know how i lived. lolol
but uuhmmm. i dunno. theres still people who constantly fuck with me just because they can. but w/e.
im tired of that little kid bullshit.
too many people i know are dying...
it makes me realize life is way to short for that kind of shit. too short to hate peopel just because they did something to someone else. its lame.
and i refuse to take part in it.
see, what people fail to realize is that 18 is a huge change, when you've lived the life i have. i dont have a sure thign anywhere anymore!
you nver know whats gonna happen, and youre an adult now, you gotta be careful. its kinda gay, but its made me a better person for sure.
lol i dont even hop on the light rail without paying anymore.
waaay too risky.
so before i started writing i had realized holy shit, ive had this thing since 2004. lolol thats a hella long time. i like to go through it and see how ridiculous i was. how love sick and love struck and fucked up in the head i was. lol. im glad im not so crazy anymore.
and im glad im not so boy crazy anymore. lol
i liek having one guy i can count on.
and i feel really bad for what i had done to james.
i never meant to hurt him so bad. i just couldnt handle the mental abuse anymore. it was getting to be more hurtful than happy, and i found someone who genuinely cared about me, and wanted me to be happy. lol and here i am.
at our 9th month i believe. and i know we got together on the 15th so happy anniversary i suppose. lol
we dont really celebrate those though...
and for once in my life...
it really doesnt matter to me. lol
everyday is like an anniversary.
whenevr it is possible, he will do everything he can to make me happy.
and i love it!
i liek this relationship. its vvery healthy, and very happy, and i really really like it.
all we need to do is move out. thats it. then everything will be perfect.
no more peopel belittling him as soon as he gets home
no more disrespect
no more ungreatful people.
jsut peopel who work hard for what we have
and respect eachother for working hard to get to that place.
i cant wait for that.
i honestly dont think anyone understand how much of a difference that will make in myself. in my self esteem in my selfconfidence in everyday and in everything i do.
i will be a much much MUCH happier person... i cant even describe it...
well im going to go look thru old postings. lol
thanks for reading this if you actually do read it. lol
<3 eleesha