(no subject)
Life is a constant journey, and comes at you so fast.
It is a constant struggle of continuous striving to be older, wiser, smarter, younger..
Satisfaction is never enough. We long for the unknown, the never ending efforts of being better than we are today.
then, at some point down the road, people plateau. they decide that they are exhausted with trying, and decide to be content where they are, and find new ways of bettering themselves and their families.
I am at a new point in my life. One where i am to be thrust out of my comfort zone into a world that i know nothing about. I do not like to not be in control. i like to know what im doing, where i am going, and whether or not i will succeed. if i for any reason believe i cant do it, then i wont. that is how it has always been. the things i am not good at, i dont pursue. instead, i pursue what i know and attempt to reach perfection. This has always been one of my many short comings.
So what now?
I am to leave my best friend and the one that i am completely in love with;
my entire family;
the people i have grown up with and love more then life itself
and go to a place i know hardly anything about.
This is true faith. This is the fullfillment of the call to "go".
I always though i understood that command. when the Lord called me overseas, i went. when i was called to go in the states, i went. however, for both of these there was always the reassurance that after a week or 2, i would be returning home. back to my place of comfort and stability. however, this time, i am going to a place that is supposed to become my home. it is to become my comfort and will be my stability.
I am terrified to death.
But why?
"You know the better thing
and i've simply got to trust
that if You choose
not to give me what i think i want.
You'll give me something better.
Better is Your plan for me
Better is Your perfect timing
Better it is
and i know that You've got the desires
of my heart
and you've got them set apart..."
The Lord is not going to call me to a place where He will not provide for me. I am learning to trust.
This semester has been so challenging for me to get into the Word because i have been so rebellious against the Lord. this is because i know this upcoming adventure in my life is going to be extremely difficult. but sometimes "heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise...thank You Lord. how could i ask for more?"
It is a constant struggle of continuous striving to be older, wiser, smarter, younger..
Satisfaction is never enough. We long for the unknown, the never ending efforts of being better than we are today.
then, at some point down the road, people plateau. they decide that they are exhausted with trying, and decide to be content where they are, and find new ways of bettering themselves and their families.
I am at a new point in my life. One where i am to be thrust out of my comfort zone into a world that i know nothing about. I do not like to not be in control. i like to know what im doing, where i am going, and whether or not i will succeed. if i for any reason believe i cant do it, then i wont. that is how it has always been. the things i am not good at, i dont pursue. instead, i pursue what i know and attempt to reach perfection. This has always been one of my many short comings.
So what now?
I am to leave my best friend and the one that i am completely in love with;
my entire family;
the people i have grown up with and love more then life itself
and go to a place i know hardly anything about.
This is true faith. This is the fullfillment of the call to "go".
I always though i understood that command. when the Lord called me overseas, i went. when i was called to go in the states, i went. however, for both of these there was always the reassurance that after a week or 2, i would be returning home. back to my place of comfort and stability. however, this time, i am going to a place that is supposed to become my home. it is to become my comfort and will be my stability.
I am terrified to death.
But why?
"You know the better thing
and i've simply got to trust
that if You choose
not to give me what i think i want.
You'll give me something better.
Better is Your plan for me
Better is Your perfect timing
Better it is
and i know that You've got the desires
of my heart
and you've got them set apart..."
The Lord is not going to call me to a place where He will not provide for me. I am learning to trust.
This semester has been so challenging for me to get into the Word because i have been so rebellious against the Lord. this is because i know this upcoming adventure in my life is going to be extremely difficult. but sometimes "heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise...thank You Lord. how could i ask for more?"