Starfield concert & misc. thoughts.
i spontaneously decided to go back to Toronto this morning after my mom asked me whether i wanted to join the family in attending the Starfield concert. :) the hours lost in getting there AND coming back were WORTH it. (no pics to post now because i think i left my camera in the van. boo.) as tim neufeld spoke tonight, i realized that there has been a certain numbness, or apathy, plaguing me for too long. actually, i need to correct myself--i'd known about this apathy for a while, but i just failed to address it. i'd been putting these issues aside, constantly saying to myself AND to God, "not now." but i can't do this any longer. i can't pretend like everything's OK when it clearly isn't. as much as i want to say that the circumstances around me have caused me to become like this, it's unjustified for me to do so. is it entirely my own attitude? i've been asking myself that for a long time, and i haven't been able to come up with an answer. i want so much for things to be resolved in my own mind. it pains me to acknowledge that i've spent countless hours debating, contemplating, reflecting, and discussing this without any progress. i think i've done a full circle--there was some progress, but i'm pretty much right back where i was when this all started. why? this is causing a strain in so many relationships, not only my own.
oh God, please tell me, what am i to do? how do i go about this? because of this, i am hiding, faking smiles, running away, building walls, and dimming the vibrancy i once possessed. what happened to me? what happened to pam? who have i become? Father, this is so agonizing.
i built a fortress with a hundred thousand faces
i'll keep it safe with a hundred thousand more
but these masks are wearing thin
as You draw me in
i spent my time on the empty and the fleeting
i spent my life on much less than what i'd dreamed
but i'm reaching out to You
to make me new
'cause i am just a beggar here at Your door
i am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
i come empty-handed, ready to see
Your life in me changing who i've been to who i need to be
You tell my story as You sift between the pages
i feel redemption in the space between each turn
could You take me in Your arms and tell it just once more?
could You take me in Your arms and tell it just once more?
-written by tim & jon neufeld
oh God, please tell me, what am i to do? how do i go about this? because of this, i am hiding, faking smiles, running away, building walls, and dimming the vibrancy i once possessed. what happened to me? what happened to pam? who have i become? Father, this is so agonizing.
i built a fortress with a hundred thousand faces
i'll keep it safe with a hundred thousand more
but these masks are wearing thin
as You draw me in
i spent my time on the empty and the fleeting
i spent my life on much less than what i'd dreamed
but i'm reaching out to You
to make me new
'cause i am just a beggar here at Your door
i am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
i come empty-handed, ready to see
Your life in me changing who i've been to who i need to be
You tell my story as You sift between the pages
i feel redemption in the space between each turn
could You take me in Your arms and tell it just once more?
could You take me in Your arms and tell it just once more?
-written by tim & jon neufeld