Long time no post...
First off yes I am still sick which sucks-we got like 1 hour of bad weather and my check didnt come on time :( all those factors combined means I didnt get to go to the strip club! Which makes me very unhappy. Saturday went to see Hide and Seek-i liked it but thats bc me and Hil had figured out what the twist was before the end-a lot of people didnt like it-but to each its own-it def had some jumpy moments to say the least...I got this tylenol cold medicine (of course liquid bc my big ass cant swallow pills) that smells stronger than any drink (including Everclear) that I have ever taken-and was just bucking it from the bottle so by the time we got to the movies i was right mellow-but giggly-that shit had me a little drunk-with very minty breath!!! Not to mention I got incredibly ill on my way home Sunday night from some friends of mines house-I started having a vertigo attack while I was on the bridge so I had to pull over-while I literally passed out for like 10-15 minutes...my normal 15 minute drive took me 45..so my weekend (with the exception of Saturday during the day) sucked...
Saturday night was not so good for me though-see Saturday was my ex's(evil) baby shower and I wasnt invited so that had me really down-so between that and deciding to be celibate for like the last 5 months I like flipped my shit-I was in here crying and screaming and breaking up shit-when my other ex (Shena) called-she got upset bc she said she had never seen or heard me cry before -least of all not like that so I went to her house bc I knew it wasnt the best idea for me to be here by myself and I cried my fucking eyes out for hours. You know the government did a study on heartbreak? Physically people that had been heartbroken exhibited the same type of brin waves as people who had had limbs removed-so literally heartbreak is painful-isnt that wild? not like you wouldnt know this if you have had it happen to you before. I can say a lot of things about Shena like she is selfish, stubborn, and a little crazy at times; but at the same time she is the only person who was there for me when I needed her. I was on the phone with my cousins at a point and all they wanted to talk about was they damn wigs-which when im down and out i dont want to talk about-especially bc i dont wear a wig!!! She literally held me and kissed my tears away as I cried which is what I needed-I got to give it to her-she is the bitch for that-I dont know a lot of females that would hold and kiss away tears of a ex who is crying over another lover. I spent the night being held and not alone and in the morning I was all better-I dont know which raises the question to me can I still have sex with someone I know I care about without it turning into more than that? I have love for Shena and I always have-just other shit has always gotten in the way of us-firstly my issues with evil-secondly her kids dad-and thirdly shes SUPER possessive...and I know I would want to be "with" her if she didnt have kids-I know thats super fucked up but in the past me and her have had issues bc she has certain expectations about me concerning her kids-dont get me wrong I LOVE her kids to death and they love me but Im not ready to be a 24hr on call mom person-yanno? But I do like spending time with her so I cant decide if I should continue (not that this was planned) to have sex with her now or not-she asked could we be each others Valentines-so im debating that-okay anyways i know that was a lot of rambling-am I fucked up that I dont want to be with her bc of the kids? (again its not that i dont love them bc i do) I need advice!!!
What do I do?
Saturday night was not so good for me though-see Saturday was my ex's(evil) baby shower and I wasnt invited so that had me really down-so between that and deciding to be celibate for like the last 5 months I like flipped my shit-I was in here crying and screaming and breaking up shit-when my other ex (Shena) called-she got upset bc she said she had never seen or heard me cry before -least of all not like that so I went to her house bc I knew it wasnt the best idea for me to be here by myself and I cried my fucking eyes out for hours. You know the government did a study on heartbreak? Physically people that had been heartbroken exhibited the same type of brin waves as people who had had limbs removed-so literally heartbreak is painful-isnt that wild? not like you wouldnt know this if you have had it happen to you before. I can say a lot of things about Shena like she is selfish, stubborn, and a little crazy at times; but at the same time she is the only person who was there for me when I needed her. I was on the phone with my cousins at a point and all they wanted to talk about was they damn wigs-which when im down and out i dont want to talk about-especially bc i dont wear a wig!!! She literally held me and kissed my tears away as I cried which is what I needed-I got to give it to her-she is the bitch for that-I dont know a lot of females that would hold and kiss away tears of a ex who is crying over another lover. I spent the night being held and not alone and in the morning I was all better-I dont know which raises the question to me can I still have sex with someone I know I care about without it turning into more than that? I have love for Shena and I always have-just other shit has always gotten in the way of us-firstly my issues with evil-secondly her kids dad-and thirdly shes SUPER possessive...and I know I would want to be "with" her if she didnt have kids-I know thats super fucked up but in the past me and her have had issues bc she has certain expectations about me concerning her kids-dont get me wrong I LOVE her kids to death and they love me but Im not ready to be a 24hr on call mom person-yanno? But I do like spending time with her so I cant decide if I should continue (not that this was planned) to have sex with her now or not-she asked could we be each others Valentines-so im debating that-okay anyways i know that was a lot of rambling-am I fucked up that I dont want to be with her bc of the kids? (again its not that i dont love them bc i do) I need advice!!!
What do I do?