Things that end, and people too.
Everything ends. Lives, relationships, friendships, dreams. All of it dies at one time or another. That's the only thing thats really promised in this life, that whatever is, will end. For me, that's been a lot of things lately. My health, hopes, dreams, a relationship. Peace of mind too.
My health has been in the shitter for months, and there's not much I can do about it. I take my medicine, I see my doctors, but nothing really changes. I got dumped, by the first person I allowed myself to care about in a long time. He threw me away, because I wasn't good enough. Not pretty enough, not rich enough, not healthy enough. Just...not enough. Period. He lied to me, and I'm pretty sure he cheated on me in the end.
What do you do when you do everything right, and it's still not enough. Not enough to make your body work right, not enough to make your relationships work right. Not enough to make your LIFE work right. I have screaming nightmares almost every night. I'm a nervous knot of stress almost constantly and my creativity has hit the shitter like a supernova. My house is falling apart, I have no money to fix it and as trite as it sounds, the loss of the relationship I was in is the nail in the coffin. All I do is...hide, and read and contemplate endings.
This is not healthy for anyone. Eventually everyone hits rock bottom. The end of what they can tolerate without changing something. I think I've hit that place. The place where it's crunch time, and you choose to gnaw off the limb or die in the trap. I just don't know which to choose.
The jury's still out, but one thing is certain, I have to summon the energy to do something, or there will swiftly be nothing left to save.
My health has been in the shitter for months, and there's not much I can do about it. I take my medicine, I see my doctors, but nothing really changes. I got dumped, by the first person I allowed myself to care about in a long time. He threw me away, because I wasn't good enough. Not pretty enough, not rich enough, not healthy enough. Just...not enough. Period. He lied to me, and I'm pretty sure he cheated on me in the end.
What do you do when you do everything right, and it's still not enough. Not enough to make your body work right, not enough to make your relationships work right. Not enough to make your LIFE work right. I have screaming nightmares almost every night. I'm a nervous knot of stress almost constantly and my creativity has hit the shitter like a supernova. My house is falling apart, I have no money to fix it and as trite as it sounds, the loss of the relationship I was in is the nail in the coffin. All I do is...hide, and read and contemplate endings.
This is not healthy for anyone. Eventually everyone hits rock bottom. The end of what they can tolerate without changing something. I think I've hit that place. The place where it's crunch time, and you choose to gnaw off the limb or die in the trap. I just don't know which to choose.
The jury's still out, but one thing is certain, I have to summon the energy to do something, or there will swiftly be nothing left to save.