Meds
I think I may possibly be loosing my mind, or maybe finding it. I'm not entirely sure which. Because I find myself existing in a strange, foggy haze of industriousness and lack of creativity which is utterly unlike myself. I'm listless. depressed, but I'll clean like a motherfucker. My house is nice and neat for the first time in my life, my laundry is in shelves, and folded.
I have couch cushions, in my actual couches, and my trash is taken out on time, not just wheneverthefuck I get around to it. But I'm *drugged* Y'all, three hundred mlg's of lithium twice a day, three doses of Klonopin some zoloft for a kicker and a side of topamax twice a day. I am drugged to the fucking GILLS and I have no idea if this is how normal people function....or if this is just hell, or...somewhere in between because I dunno whether to love it because I get things done or hate it because...Me, the me that I've always been is dying by screaming, helpless inches.
I'm sorta lost. And scared. I've been mentally ill all my life and none of my meds ever touched it, but this stuff seems to be working, and...this is who I'm left with. I don't like her very much.
I have couch cushions, in my actual couches, and my trash is taken out on time, not just wheneverthefuck I get around to it. But I'm *drugged* Y'all, three hundred mlg's of lithium twice a day, three doses of Klonopin some zoloft for a kicker and a side of topamax twice a day. I am drugged to the fucking GILLS and I have no idea if this is how normal people function....or if this is just hell, or...somewhere in between because I dunno whether to love it because I get things done or hate it because...Me, the me that I've always been is dying by screaming, helpless inches.
I'm sorta lost. And scared. I've been mentally ill all my life and none of my meds ever touched it, but this stuff seems to be working, and...this is who I'm left with. I don't like her very much.