therealljidol: Season 5: Week1: Saying Goodbye
The past few weeks, I've learned that there is a time when you should say goodbye to the little things that define you.
I'm a very approval-motivated person. I despise letting people down, which is one of the reason I've been taking so long on this and all my other assignments. It's one of the reasons I will literally stay up till 3am working on an assignment, go to bed because I can't keep my eyes open and continue it at 6am when my alarm clock goes off.
I spent about 20 minutes last night in a professor's office crying about how I can't handle his class even though it's supposed to be the foundation of all the coursework I'm already taking and the so-called "easiest" course on my list. It's an Introduction to Management course, 100s level. Outside school, I'm finding a lot of personal issues problematic -- my fiance's grandmother and my grandmother are in the hospital for medical reasons. On top of that, my brother had an accident last week and broke his leg. Needless to say, so many mini disasters in a short few weeks have made me an emotional and organizational wreck. Inside school, I'm finding I've once again overscheduled myself. My weekends are spent playing "catch-up" with academia and I just don't have time for my own enjoyment. As I told the professor, finding one weekend to complete a service learning activity is damn near impossible, since I spend so much time attempting to catch up on work. Also I'm stuck in a catch-22 in regards to academic disability, so I can't do anything about it and I feel trapped with the fact that I don't know what's going on with me exactly and won't know until what I feel is far too late into the academic season. I just don't see any practical reasons for keeping the course on my agenda, since it's not a requirement for my major. It's the only course I can drop right now, since all the other ones are required courses for my major and I really want to finish on time.
The whole first 4 weeks of school have consisted of asking myself "what is this thing called sleep" and "what do you mean free time"? Yeah, LJ's a timesink, even I admit that and this contest is a timesink too, but I need the time to write things out because I don't say them. I'm not saying goodbye to LJ, but I am saying goodbye to a piece of myself right now.
I had my professor sign the add/drop form today and I'm going to talk to my advisor first or second thing in the morning on Monday to doublecheck and make sure I've covered the whole policy.
I'm saying goodbye to those idealistic and naive expectations of "I'll do everything even though I'm hurting". I'm saying goodbye to the part of me that doesn't let me breathe--the part that relies extensively on approval at risk of my own happiness.
This is for Week1 of therealljidol and the topic was Saying Goodbye.
Voting is TBA, I'll attach the link when things start. If you want to vote, you should probably join the community because sometimes polls go one way and sometimes they are open. You can also play the "home game" which is what it sounds like "playing around at home" with the topics.
If you like this Vote
I'm a very approval-motivated person. I despise letting people down, which is one of the reason I've been taking so long on this and all my other assignments. It's one of the reasons I will literally stay up till 3am working on an assignment, go to bed because I can't keep my eyes open and continue it at 6am when my alarm clock goes off.
I spent about 20 minutes last night in a professor's office crying about how I can't handle his class even though it's supposed to be the foundation of all the coursework I'm already taking and the so-called "easiest" course on my list. It's an Introduction to Management course, 100s level. Outside school, I'm finding a lot of personal issues problematic -- my fiance's grandmother and my grandmother are in the hospital for medical reasons. On top of that, my brother had an accident last week and broke his leg. Needless to say, so many mini disasters in a short few weeks have made me an emotional and organizational wreck. Inside school, I'm finding I've once again overscheduled myself. My weekends are spent playing "catch-up" with academia and I just don't have time for my own enjoyment. As I told the professor, finding one weekend to complete a service learning activity is damn near impossible, since I spend so much time attempting to catch up on work. Also I'm stuck in a catch-22 in regards to academic disability, so I can't do anything about it and I feel trapped with the fact that I don't know what's going on with me exactly and won't know until what I feel is far too late into the academic season. I just don't see any practical reasons for keeping the course on my agenda, since it's not a requirement for my major. It's the only course I can drop right now, since all the other ones are required courses for my major and I really want to finish on time.
The whole first 4 weeks of school have consisted of asking myself "what is this thing called sleep" and "what do you mean free time"? Yeah, LJ's a timesink, even I admit that and this contest is a timesink too, but I need the time to write things out because I don't say them. I'm not saying goodbye to LJ, but I am saying goodbye to a piece of myself right now.
I had my professor sign the add/drop form today and I'm going to talk to my advisor first or second thing in the morning on Monday to doublecheck and make sure I've covered the whole policy.
I'm saying goodbye to those idealistic and naive expectations of "I'll do everything even though I'm hurting". I'm saying goodbye to the part of me that doesn't let me breathe--the part that relies extensively on approval at risk of my own happiness.
This is for Week1 of therealljidol and the topic was Saying Goodbye.
Voting is TBA, I'll attach the link when things start. If you want to vote, you should probably join the community because sometimes polls go one way and sometimes they are open. You can also play the "home game" which is what it sounds like "playing around at home" with the topics.
If you like this Vote