(no subject)
I have been in such an awful funk lately and I have no idea how to get rid of it. I'm sick of school, sick of work, sick of pretty much everything except sleep. Which I have been doing every chance I get. Except I can't, because something is wrong with my insides and it keeps me up at night. Gah. I have to remember to call Ritenour tomorrow.
Also, I miss Chris so bad it's ridic. I got to see him for a little bit last weekend when he was driving home from Pittsburgh, and it was awesome. I totally snapped out of this miserable nonsense for a few days. Of course now I won't get to see him til Thanksgiving, and just knowing that is killing me. I know, it's only two weeks, but when you really miss someone, that's entirely too much time. Talking to him on the phone is nice, but I just want him here. I need some kind of human contact. I feel like an awful person because I check out every cute boy I see, everywhere. I have no desire to cheat on Chris, duh obvi, I'm sort of obsessed, but I just hate being so lonely all the time. I wish I had someone who would always be here.
And the thing is, our relationship is always going to be long-distance. When I graduate and move back home, he'll be going to all these other cities to do his PA rotations. Also, he told me the other day that he might be able to go to another country for one of them. He's thinking China. Great. And then when he finishes that, he wants to join the Peace Corps. And then move to California so he can like, hug a giant redwood or something. Own a fucking tofu farm. Save the whales. Become Captain Planet. Who knows. The point is, none of his future plans involve me. But he still assumes we'll stay together through all this. If we are still together when all this goes down, which we probably will be, let's face it, him being gone all these places will most likely destroy me. Not being overdramatic, just truthful. I get attached. And by the time he does all this stuff we'll have been dating for at least a year. Plus we've been friends since we were like 12. Basically, I love the shit out of him as both a friend and a romantic whatever. It's not gonna be an easy thing to let go of.
So the question is, where do I draw the line? Is it really better to have loved and lost, or should I just give up on this while its still relatively new to save me from the inevitable? Should I stop writing really emo livejournal entries and just deal with it like a rational human being? Don't answer that. Really, both options suck balls. And talking with him about it solves nothing cause he doesn't see a problem. So time for Option Z: Bang head off wall. Pass out. Recover. Repeat. That one is probably the most constructive. Um, yeah. Off to either do that or sleep. Probably sleep cause the other thing requires effort. Bye.
Also, I miss Chris so bad it's ridic. I got to see him for a little bit last weekend when he was driving home from Pittsburgh, and it was awesome. I totally snapped out of this miserable nonsense for a few days. Of course now I won't get to see him til Thanksgiving, and just knowing that is killing me. I know, it's only two weeks, but when you really miss someone, that's entirely too much time. Talking to him on the phone is nice, but I just want him here. I need some kind of human contact. I feel like an awful person because I check out every cute boy I see, everywhere. I have no desire to cheat on Chris, duh obvi, I'm sort of obsessed, but I just hate being so lonely all the time. I wish I had someone who would always be here.
And the thing is, our relationship is always going to be long-distance. When I graduate and move back home, he'll be going to all these other cities to do his PA rotations. Also, he told me the other day that he might be able to go to another country for one of them. He's thinking China. Great. And then when he finishes that, he wants to join the Peace Corps. And then move to California so he can like, hug a giant redwood or something. Own a fucking tofu farm. Save the whales. Become Captain Planet. Who knows. The point is, none of his future plans involve me. But he still assumes we'll stay together through all this. If we are still together when all this goes down, which we probably will be, let's face it, him being gone all these places will most likely destroy me. Not being overdramatic, just truthful. I get attached. And by the time he does all this stuff we'll have been dating for at least a year. Plus we've been friends since we were like 12. Basically, I love the shit out of him as both a friend and a romantic whatever. It's not gonna be an easy thing to let go of.
So the question is, where do I draw the line? Is it really better to have loved and lost, or should I just give up on this while its still relatively new to save me from the inevitable? Should I stop writing really emo livejournal entries and just deal with it like a rational human being? Don't answer that. Really, both options suck balls. And talking with him about it solves nothing cause he doesn't see a problem. So time for Option Z: Bang head off wall. Pass out. Recover. Repeat. That one is probably the most constructive. Um, yeah. Off to either do that or sleep. Probably sleep cause the other thing requires effort. Bye.