thinking thoughts.
my mom told me today is my aunt Marys birthday. she was my moms best friend and died when i was in highschool. i wish i would have been tighter with her, i really think i would be if she were still alive, considering how much closer i am to my mom now that i'm older. she liked to smoke cigars and loved animals. she was really laid back and happy. whenever my mom hears fleetwood mac, it reminds her of her (they went to see them live together) and she cries. and i hold her hand and i cry too. tonight when she told me she cried. but this time not too much. on her nightstand by her bed she has a small frame with a picture in it of them from highschool, laughing as they worked together at ponderosa. i remember when she died, we went and stayed at her house instead of going to a motel. she had that frame that my mom had given her on the coffee table, but there wasnt a picture in it yet. my mom took it home and put that one in it. and in her bedroom she had picture files, and one was filled with my baby pictures. she was a cool person. she was a good person.
today i went and hungout at christens house for the first time in a long time. i love being there because you can feel the amount of love that family has as soon as you walk in. the walls practically hug you. her dad recently turned 50 and we watched a slideshow dvd her mom had put together. i almost cried. you can tell how much her mom and dad love each other, and how immense their love is for christen and michael. they keep all of these perfect pictures around the house. i hate when people only put up these super-posey olan mills photographs. they don't. they put up the ones that have managed to capture moments of pure emotion. joy, love, silliness, innocence.
i can't wait to find the person that i know i will love forever, that i will have beautiful children with. i can't wait to have a family and experience what it truly is to love and be loved. I know that that is it.