i can try anything it's the same circle that leads to nowhere and i'm tired now
my gosh i had a great time last night. enough said... just a really good time. i felt like i was 7. do i need to prove it?? do i really need to prove it??
all right fine...
oh man...and my shit will burn today. hahahaha.
so aside from that...man, i've been really anxious while i sleep. ummm, it's that anxious sleep I used to have before christmas....kinda sorta not really sleeping because you're so excited to wake up the next day... or the sleep i've had before big races....knowing you were well-prepared to race....and anxious to shine. that's how i feel.
and i dreamt last night. i was also very very thirsty throughing the night. and perhaps i did not dream i was thirsty but i was subconsciencely thinking "omg, what i would do for some water...." when i woke up this morning the first thing i thought was "GET WATER" but i wasn't even thirsty... strange.
eh, so the dreams were really vague.... i am seeing bits and pieces of them. I actually dreamt of Jared which I haven't done in a long ass time... he was strangely calm and for once not telling me what to do. I remember being in a large van.... we were driving somewhere at one point...him and I.... other people driving, other people sitting with us. I remember telling him how I saw his friends at mongo and i remember telling him i saw other friends of his..... and he didn't do the whole "oh, yeah, i know...they told me.... oh yeah, i know" -i am godlike and i will talk down to you - He was just very nice about it.
which allows me to interpret past dreams i've had of jared. i don't think it was jared i was dreaming about.... but instead jared equated this idea of "being controlled" i could had very well had the same dream with my father in it... All these dreams of Jared driving and such.... is just telling me to get out of the passenger's seat... hmmmm... i am miss cleo.
fuck i dreamt more...i cant remember. i will have to update later. i remember flashes of Nathan... but all and all I think remembering that Jared was very warm to me was very important.... it was this sense that nobody has any control over me right now... and nothing has control over me... not running, not food, not my parents or sister, family, friends, bfs, coaches... Kara is now in control.
i'm just realizing i've been healing wounds with bandaids.... just applying one bandaid over the other and never truly healing the wound. it's a beautiful thing when you can take a step back and address these situations. it feels good to go ahead and take care of yourself.
i can only take so many snapshots
until i zoom in
and actually feel the frowns
all right fine...
oh man...and my shit will burn today. hahahaha.
so aside from that...man, i've been really anxious while i sleep. ummm, it's that anxious sleep I used to have before christmas....kinda sorta not really sleeping because you're so excited to wake up the next day... or the sleep i've had before big races....knowing you were well-prepared to race....and anxious to shine. that's how i feel.
and i dreamt last night. i was also very very thirsty throughing the night. and perhaps i did not dream i was thirsty but i was subconsciencely thinking "omg, what i would do for some water...." when i woke up this morning the first thing i thought was "GET WATER" but i wasn't even thirsty... strange.
eh, so the dreams were really vague.... i am seeing bits and pieces of them. I actually dreamt of Jared which I haven't done in a long ass time... he was strangely calm and for once not telling me what to do. I remember being in a large van.... we were driving somewhere at one point...him and I.... other people driving, other people sitting with us. I remember telling him how I saw his friends at mongo and i remember telling him i saw other friends of his..... and he didn't do the whole "oh, yeah, i know...they told me.... oh yeah, i know" -i am godlike and i will talk down to you - He was just very nice about it.
which allows me to interpret past dreams i've had of jared. i don't think it was jared i was dreaming about.... but instead jared equated this idea of "being controlled" i could had very well had the same dream with my father in it... All these dreams of Jared driving and such.... is just telling me to get out of the passenger's seat... hmmmm... i am miss cleo.
fuck i dreamt more...i cant remember. i will have to update later. i remember flashes of Nathan... but all and all I think remembering that Jared was very warm to me was very important.... it was this sense that nobody has any control over me right now... and nothing has control over me... not running, not food, not my parents or sister, family, friends, bfs, coaches... Kara is now in control.
i'm just realizing i've been healing wounds with bandaids.... just applying one bandaid over the other and never truly healing the wound. it's a beautiful thing when you can take a step back and address these situations. it feels good to go ahead and take care of yourself.
i can only take so many snapshots
until i zoom in
and actually feel the frowns